A Dark Day
In Memoriam:
STEVEN NATHANIEL WOLKOFF
September 23,1977 – June 21, 2008
Tragedy knows no bounds. On Saturday, June 21st, our dear friend and colleague Steve Wolkoff was killed in a five-car collision on Highway 1. A speeding driver, under the influence of drugs, ended Steve’s young life suddenly and there are no words to describe how devastated we all are.
Our deepest sympathies, thoughts and prayers are with the Wolkoff family. FreeWheel prides itself on hiring the very best and brightest and Steve was no exception.
As one of our colleagues said, “we wish him God’s peace.”
FreeWheel | 2008.06.28
WE WILL NEVER FORGET YOU STEVEN
FOREVER IN OUR HEARTS. WE LOVE YOU.
YOUR FAMILY.
Information on the Steven Nathaniel Wolkoff Foundation (Grants Awarded)-Updated 5/10/2024)
•Your donation allows us to give a day to a life cut short and to give something more to someone who has less. We thank you for the kindness and hope the grants we have awarded inspire you as they have us.
•This Web Site Was Last Updated 5/10/2024.To communicate directly with the Wolkoff family, share any information, report broken links or web site problems, please send an e-mail to Jerry Wolkoff, Webmaster at:jerrynmn1@aol.com.
• The Wolkoff family encourages you to read the comments on the next page and write your own comments in the Reply Box.To do so, simply go to the Reply Box by clicking on A Dark Day, or click Comments and scroll to the bottom of the page.
This is an ongoing Virtual Living Memorial maintained by the Wolkoff family in memory of and honoring Steven,everyone is welcome to post their feelings and thoughts no matter the amount of time that has passed since Steven so tragically died.
Steve Wolkoff: 1977-2008 
June 23, 2008 at 2:27 am
No words to describe the feeling of loss after losing someone so genuinely good. Steve was someone we’ll all miss and his loss makes me sad I didn’t email him yesterday just to say “hey.”
I can’t stop thinking about the loss his family must be going through and hope that the knowledge that they are in all of our thoughts gives them a small amount of peace.. Steve was a good friend, colleague, and someone we were all fortunate to have in our lives.
June 23, 2008 at 3:18 am
I was shocked and saddened to learn of Steve’s passing and remain at a loss for words. I am in disbelief that I won’t see Steve and his trademark grin tomorrow.
It was a pleasure and honor to have worked with such a great guy, from way back when I first met him working on “Parkay” (I remember Steve being one of the most level-headed people in some contentious design meetings) through the present — with some good memories of climbing the Great Wall and enduring Chinese opera in between.
Steve will be sorely missed. My thoughts and deepest sympathies are with Steve’s family, Cindy and her family.
June 23, 2008 at 3:23 am
Words cannot convey what a terrible loss this is. Despite working together in Doubleclick’s NY office, it wasn’t until after Steve’s move to San Francisco that we were able have some quality non-work related conversations.
We quickly discovered our mutual love of music and bass playing and it was clear he was a young man with many talents. I’m truly thankful that I was able to get to know him a little better, and can honestly say he was a very, very kind soul.
June 23, 2008 at 6:24 am
My heart goes out to Steve’s family and everyone who was with him. I feel lucky to have worked with him, and that I can carry his memory with me.
Steve’s enthusiasm and sharp intellect impressed me from the moment I met him at Adobe. His energy and positivity inspired me to join up with his team, and even though he chose to leave, I had always hoped to stay connected.
Gratitude for this place to express my condolences.
June 23, 2008 at 6:38 am
I am shocked and deeply saddened by this loss. My deepest condolences to Cindy, and Steve and Cindy’s families. I met Steve through work at Macromedia, and he instantly became one of my favorite people. Steve always amazed me — he was smart, funny, well-rounded, and extremely self-aware. He is truly an inspiring human being, and I will miss him.
June 23, 2008 at 7:41 am
I can’t speak any words when I heard this. I’was really shocked.
Steve is so kind friend to me…
I hate myself that I can’t do anything to avoid this happen.
Steve, I’ll deeply miss you and hope you have a good life in another world.
June 23, 2008 at 7:54 am
It’s not just Steve’s proximity that has caused me to be so rocked by this. Yes, he lived a few blocks away, and yes he sat a few feet in front of me for the last six weeks or so, close enough where we came to acquire an understanding of whose feet should go where so as not to kick each other.
It’s not just the endearing quirks: the what-makes-a-good-cup-of-coffee diatribes, the “shoulda got a Mac” comments (despite the fact that his MacBook spent two of its first three months with Apple support), or the twice-daily careful cleaning of that same Mac’s screen.
The thing that hits me the hardest is the loss of such an exceptional human being. Broadly curious and deeply aware. A sense of the big picture and and an eye for the intricate details. Very serious about his work but always laughing at the ridiculous moments that abound. A sensitive soul and a very strong character.
That strength is what first struck me about Steve. On my first or second day in the office (a conference room at Battery Ventures this February), I watched as he listened passively to one of FreeWheel’s co-CEO’s drive home a point about a particular product feature, white board filling up and hands gesturing wildly. When the speech was over, Steve shook his head briefly and said “no, you’re wrong”. There was no ego, no fear. Just a desire to get at the right answer. And because of the trust he engendered with his integrity and passion and enthusiasm and skill… that challenging side of his earned only respect. That’s rare. And will be missed — inside and outside of work.
My last memory of Steve is walking out of the office Thursday afternoon with a smile on his face. I choose to remember him that way, and I’m confident that the way he approached his life and work will be remembered and be emulated by the many who were lucky enough to know him.
June 23, 2008 at 8:12 am
Coming to terms with a shock like this is never easy. My heartfelt condolences to Steve and Cindy’s family and friends.
Steve was a remarkable person and a great friend. Having worked closely with him at Macromedia and Adobe, his insights into the world of video, advertising, disruptive web stuff and candid feedback on crazy ideas discussed over many lunches will truly be missed.
June 23, 2008 at 8:36 am
Steve, I will always remember your smile and the many life lessons you taught us. Rest in peace my friend, we will all remember you dearly.
June 23, 2008 at 12:07 pm
I am grateful that my son will live on in the memories of so many people that he liked and respected.
Sandy Wolkoff
June 23, 2008 at 12:38 pm
Although we worked together for a few years, I only met Steve in person twice, on business trips to NY and SF. Both times he was kind enough to show me the ropes at work and also show me around. I fondly remember this one dinner with Steve and Cindy in SF. When I heard the sad news, I couldn’t help but looking at a picture the waiter took of us even though I knew it’d hurt.
To me, Steve was always a reference, someone to look up to, both professionally and in the calm, genuinely nice way he conducted himself.
I always looked forward to a third time that now I know will not happen.
My condolences to his family and friends in such a tragic loss. There’s no bright side to this. Still, I’m sure Steve will always be remembered by those fortunate enough to have met him. I certainly will.
June 23, 2008 at 12:48 pm
Was very sad to learn of this tragic turn of events. My thoughts and condolences to his family and friends. He will truly be missed.
June 23, 2008 at 1:21 pm
I am still shocked about this tragedy. Steve was a great friend in this industry and I will never forget our times in customer support and up through product management.
My condolences to his family and friends during this tough time. Steve you will be missed.
June 23, 2008 at 1:22 pm
I am greatly saddened by the shocking news of Steven’s death.
I have known Steven’s mom Sandy for over 30 years. I first “met” Steven (and Sandy) when Sandy brought her first baby to the office on 5 Roslyn Road to introduce him to her colleagues and friends. Over the years he visited North Shore Child and Family Guidance Center on many occasions and many of us at the Guidance Center, especially the long-timers, were able to see Steven grow into a fine young man.
Steven made his mark during his short time on this earth; and he truly did make the world a better place. He will live on in the fond memories of all that he touched.
My deepest sympathies to Sandy, Jerry, Jessica and Matthew and the rest of Steven’s family and friends.
Andy Malekoff
Executive Director / CEO
North Shore Child and Family Guidance Center
Roslyn Heights, New York 11577
June 23, 2008 at 1:23 pm
My deepest sympathy go out to the Wolkoff family. To Sandy, God will hold you gently in his arms, and carry you through this mourning time. He will show you his love through your friends and family.
I had a lot of this experience, I know what it is like. Never stop praying.
May he rest in peace!
June 23, 2008 at 1:43 pm
To the Wolkoff Family,
I am deeply saddened to hear of the untimely loss of Steve. I never had the pleasure of meeting Steve personally but I do know him through his Mom, Sandy, who spoke of him often and who I can see through his lovely eyes and smile.
Through everything I have heard about him and from reading all the previous passages, I understand what a special man Steve was. Although he did not live his life was as long as we would have liked, he certainly made a big difference to those who knew him in the time he was here.
My heartfelt thoughts and prayers are with the Wolkoff family at this very difficult time.
Sincerely,
Deborah Kendric
June 23, 2008 at 1:50 pm
Dear Sandy and family,
I send my most sincere condolences to you on Steven’s untimely passing.
Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers.
Love,
Nancy
June 23, 2008 at 1:55 pm
Steve was always with a smile and I enjoyed working with him both at DoubleClick and Adobe. I’m saddened by his loss and send my deepest sympathies to his family and Cindy.
June 23, 2008 at 2:00 pm
Steve and I worked together years ago at DoubleClick. I remember his willingness to help, his unassuming but extremely sharp wit, his enthusiasm and drive for the industry… I remember feeling disappointment when he moved on from DCLK for bigger and greater things because we wouldn’t be able to work together for much longer.
Each time I heard the different roles he’d take on at various companies he went to, I would think, “wow, they’re so lucky to have someone amazing like Steve.” That is how I would characterize Steve. He was great…
My deepest sympathy to the Wolkoff family. He will be sorely missed by all.
Jocelyn
June 23, 2008 at 2:00 pm
My deepest sympathies to Sandy and her family. My thoughts are with them.
June 23, 2008 at 2:02 pm
Sandy,
Words can not express how saddened I am for you and your family. There is nothing I can say that hasn’t already been said to you…I just know life has been feeling so very difficult …and when you think it can’t get any worse…it does! I am going to pray for you to have the strength to get through this. Everyone is here for you and love you.
Stay Strong!
Vicky
June 23, 2008 at 2:06 pm
Dear Sandy:
We are so very sorry to hear of your loss. What an unbelievably horrible blow to you and your family. You are in our thoughts and prayers and we just know you will somehow find the strength to get through this very tramatic time.
If there is anything at all we can do for you please, please let us know.
Love, Joan and Sandro
June 23, 2008 at 2:31 pm
It was an honor to have worked with Steve, though I only had the privilege of meeting him last year. He was one of those individuals in whom the creativity, intelligence, and good humor were immediately apparent. These are sad days, and my heart and sympathies go out to the grieving families and friends. I also pray for a swift recovery for Cindy, and for strength for her family.
June 23, 2008 at 2:34 pm
Dearest Sandy
My heart is broken for you and your family. It makes no sense. It never does. You are in all my thoughts and prayers. I hope to hug you soon.
Deborah
June 23, 2008 at 2:43 pm
My heart and condolences to Steve and Cindy’s family. Steve was a great guy and genuinely good natured, he would not hesitate to help anyone in need. He was well rounded and grounded, I am very fortunate to have met Steve.
Most of us here professionally grew up with Steve and along the way he has taught us all something about something. And in some cases bailed us out on those pesky promblems no one could solve.
Steve was a good person and a great friend, he will be missed.
June 23, 2008 at 2:46 pm
While I didn’t have the pleasure of working with Steve at DoubleClick, I have spent the last 4 months working closely with him here at FreeWheel. He impressed me both personally and professionally in every single interaction I’ve had with him since our time began and I am sorely disappointed and extremely saddened to have him leave us like this.
My most sincere condolences go out to the Wolkoff family and my thoughts are with Cindy and her family as we all wish for her a speedy recovery.
June 23, 2008 at 2:50 pm
Like everyone else, I was equal parts shocked and saddened when I heard this tragic news. I knew Steve for only a few short months – we’ve been working together to make our new companies successes. I’ve always admired the way Steve carried himself during our discussions, which could have become much more impassioned if not for Steve’s patience, poise, and professionalism.
I saw him speak recently at a conference in NYC – he looked like the youngest on the panel. But you would never know by listening to him…he was definitely wise beyond his years with an extremely bright future ahead of him.
I’ll certainly miss Steve – my thoughts and prayers are with him, his family, and the entire Freewheel team.
June 23, 2008 at 2:51 pm
Steve and I worked together in support many years ago at DCLK. He was a great guy and even more great to work with. I was completely shocked when I heard the news and just wanted to extend my deepest sympathies to all of his family and friends.
June 23, 2008 at 2:56 pm
Dear Sandy,
I just came into work and heard the news. I am so sorry for your loss.
I am sending you a big hug and all my love.
Love,
Shari
June 23, 2008 at 2:57 pm
An unbelievable loss of such a young talented person. I met Steve a couple of times since I started Freewheel and was impressed by his knowledge and kindness. I just recently watched his presentation at Streaming Media East online and was really impressed by his presentation making me glad he was on our team. I pray for him & his family through such a difficult time.
June 23, 2008 at 2:57 pm
Dear Sandy and family,
It with great sadness that I send you this e-mail. Please know that we are all here for you, that we love you and we send you big hugs.
Lou
June 23, 2008 at 3:07 pm
Steve has very bright smile all the time. It was my pleasure to work with him.
May he rest in peace!
June 23, 2008 at 3:10 pm
The last time I saw Steve was in SF in 2003. I extended a work trip and stayed at Cedric’s house for a few days. We met up with Steve in a bar/diner and chilled out, talked music and caught up. We both played bass and bonded over that. I’ll always remember him as an easy going, really bright guy with a smile on at every turn – in Albany, SF or Brooklyn…..my heart goes out to his family….my thoughts are with you…..RIP homie…..
June 23, 2008 at 3:18 pm
Steve worked for me for a couple of years and taught me everything I know about rich media. He was always fun and interesting to work with. Whenever I went to San Francisco I made a point of grabbing a burrito with him at El Toro in the Mission, even if it seriously didn’t fit into my travel schedule. I really will miss him.
June 23, 2008 at 3:26 pm
I had the pleasure of working with Steve several years ago at DoubleClick. He was one of the kindest people I have ever met and was always willing to help solve a problem even if it wasn’t part of his job. My thoughts and prayers go out to the Wolkoff family.
June 23, 2008 at 3:26 pm
My deepest condolences go out to the Wolkoff family. I had the opportunity to work with Steve at DoubleClick and I can say he was a truly selfless individual.
He will be missed.
Gabe
June 23, 2008 at 3:37 pm
I met Steve when he first started out at Doubleclick and we worked together for several years. He was pretty much right out of school and was an English major. I never thought of him being a tech guy at this time, but he showed interest in new media and began studying scripting languages. This English major became one of the most respected in his field and I always dreamed of having 1/10th of savvy he had. He always made the time for you and never spoke down to anyone. He was honest kid, down to earth, and always a great attitude. I have learned a lot from him.
Our prayers go out to his and Cindy’s family and we will miss him dearly.
June 23, 2008 at 3:40 pm
We had relatively few interactions at macromedia, but Steve was always a pleasure to speak with. Such a positive, bright, creative guy. I am honored to have known him.
Blessings to his family and all who called him friend. He will be missed.
love and light,
-mark
June 23, 2008 at 3:46 pm
Steve was an extraordinary talent and a wonderful Human Being.
Steve started at DoubleClick about a month before I did, at the time he knew nothing whatsoever about Ad Serving or Rich Media. Within a few months Steve was an expert in Flash and was critical to DoubleClick’s success in Rich Media. Steve ‘was’ the ad kit before we had an ad kit.
Steve’s was kind, patient and possessed a tremendous intellect. Steve, you will be missed by so many.
Assaf
June 23, 2008 at 3:51 pm
What an incredible loss. Steve’s wry sense of humor, personality and insights stayed with us at Adobe long after he left. I kept track of him when his Yahoo IM toast popped on and off my screen daily and I find it so hard to believe I won’t see it pop up again. The little domant face in the list has never been so sad. Our thoughts and prayers go out to the Wolkoff family with special wishes for Cindy’s recovery. He was a remarkable man.
June 23, 2008 at 3:52 pm
While I never worked with Steve in person, I still apply many of the things he taught me about Rich Media to my work, and I have passed that knowledge on to my team. He was extremely bright, and a great person.
I can’t help but think about when my wife and I were hit by a drunk driver a few years back. We were lucky enough to make it out of the crash ok. Drunk driving is one of the most selfish things a person can do. Unfortunately, it usually takes a tragic event for people to learn a lesson or suffer the consequences of their actions.
My thoughts are with Steve’s family.
Brice
June 23, 2008 at 3:58 pm
Sandy,
My heart and thoughts are with you and your family. I know words cannot touch the loss that you are feeling, so just know that I care deeply, and that Steven was very lucky to have a mother like you.
With my deepest sympathy,
Carol Roberts
June 23, 2008 at 4:19 pm
To Sandy and the Wolkoff Family,
My thoughts and prayers are with you.
Nicole Oberheim
June 23, 2008 at 4:21 pm
Sandy,
I have no words … the pain is so great and my heart is just broken. I will always reemember us – we both brought our kids in as “volunmteers” to do mailings and they used to kid us “oh you just want free labor’ and we would take them out for lunch. I will treasure those memories forever.
Sabrina, David, and Manucher join me in sending you and your family our deepesrt sympathy … please always remember that we are here for you always, always and we love you beyond everything.
God bless you and give you peace and strength, Sandy,
Much love,
Jane
June 23, 2008 at 4:27 pm
For many years Steve was the person who often took the time to help me deal with complex Rich Media solutions for my clients. So many times we shared lunch at the terrace of 450 and talked about one day building a solution that would be easy to implement and universal.
Steve was a brilliant yet humble individual and I will miss him very much.
My sincere condolences to the Wolkoff family.
So long Steve
June 23, 2008 at 4:28 pm
I met Steve shortly after Adobe and Macromedia became one. We were working on a project together and he was patient, kind, intelligent and incredibly helpful as he helped me understand this new product I needed to learn about. I looked forward to our meetings, learning new things from him, and sharing his company.
I am deeply saddened and send my most heartfelt wishes to the Wolkoff family and loved ones.
June 23, 2008 at 4:34 pm
Dear Sandy,
There are no words to tell you how sorry I am. You are in my thoughts and prayers. love, Chris
June 23, 2008 at 4:36 pm
Sandy and the Wolkoff family,
My thoughts are with you at this time of unfathomable loss. May these words from loved ones bring you some solace. May time help heal you of this pain. And may your love and memories keep Steve in your hearts and lives forever.
With deepest sympathy,
Rob-
June 23, 2008 at 4:54 pm
The world is bleaker today.
We may not know what it is to be a person, what humanity is all about. I hope we can handle those big mysteries with the style and grace which Steve showed.
I first met Steve online, when DoubleClick was having an early privacy controversy. The easy thing would have been to say nothing, but Steve proved that while DoubleClick may not have had the answer yet, they certainly heard and understood the question. He made handling a difficult situation seem easy, natural, honest. He could have bailed, but he engaged. It impressed me.
That’s why I was happy when Steve later joined Macromedia, and we got the chance to work together face-to-face. As so many of the folks above attest, he was real, he was good. I remember how we’d bump into each other in the hall or lunchroom, trade status reports on three or four issues within two minutes, then promise to meet for a pint at Mars. He always responded to the situation as it was, listened hard, and was comfortable doing so. Steve made a big contribution at Macromedia, both in the work itself, and in the culture of the place.
I was sad when I heard he’d be leaving Adobe, but sort of glad when I learned he’d be rejoining old friends from DoubleClick at FreeWheel. That seemed fitting, somehow.
Steve had a lot of good things, ahead of him, to do. We’ll have to try to carry on that legacy. It’s a difficult day.
jd
June 23, 2008 at 4:57 pm
Steve was a genuine, caring person. It was always a pleasure to work with him. My heart goes out to his family. His light will live on in all of the people he touched so deeply.
June 23, 2008 at 5:02 pm
Dearest Sandy, We are so sad to hear this tragic and terrible news. We feel privileged to have known Steven and we will miss him very much. Our hearts are broken that you have to suffer this pain. Please let us know if we can do anything for you. Much Love Always, Sabrina and Dave
June 23, 2008 at 5:08 pm
Steve is an inspiration. Genuine and thoughtful — an artist and intellectual alike. He was talented in so many ways — his brightness was contagious. Our band will have to come another time.
We’re proud of you Steve, you were yourself and good. Cheers.
June 23, 2008 at 5:31 pm
Dear Sandy & Family – Such a tragic loss, Sandy – my heart goes out to you and your family – you’re in my thoughts and my prayers. I wish I could lessen your pain somehow …. but may God hold on to you for your comfort …With heartfelt sympathy – Mary Lou
June 23, 2008 at 5:35 pm
i am crushed by this news of a brilliant life cut short. my deepest sympathies to steve’s family.
June 23, 2008 at 5:40 pm
I read about the horrible news. I never met Steve, yet from his picture, he looks like someone who was a really good guy. I am so sorry for your loss and will keep him and his family in my prayers. God bless you all.
Jack Schafer
June 23, 2008 at 5:40 pm
My heart is broken for the Wolkoff family and for Steve’s girlfriend of 10 years, Cindy. I first met Steve at the University at Albany, when my friend and roommate, Cindy, introduced me to him. I can remember feeling so happy for Cindy that she had found Steve, such a sweet, smart, kind, and all-around good human being. I feel lucky to have known him and to have witnessed the great love that he and Cindy had for each other. My prayers go out to the Wolkoff family, to Cindy, and her family.
June 23, 2008 at 5:40 pm
I only knew Steve vaguely, but he always came across a genuinely nice guy. That’s tragic. My deepest condolences to his family, personally and professionally.
June 23, 2008 at 5:42 pm
Dear Sandy and Family,
My heartfelt sympathy, love and prayers are sent to you at this time. I wish you all a long and healthy life.
Fondly,
Yvonne
June 23, 2008 at 5:43 pm
To Sandy’s Family,
I feel deeply sorry to hear about this tragic loss. Please accept my heartfelt condolences.
Mohammed.
June 23, 2008 at 5:52 pm
Dear Sandy
My heart is with you and your family as you face this very sad and tragic loss. Words are not enough. Please know that my thoughts and prayers are with you.
With love,
Luann
June 23, 2008 at 5:59 pm
To Steve’s family,
I did not know Steve very well, I was his “sherpa” in the Macromedia -> Adobe transition. in the short time we crossed paths he touched me in a very special way with his humor, intelligence, and easy going demeanor. I was sad when he left Adobe and shocked to hear of his death. My heartfelt sympathies and condolences go out to you and his friends.
June 23, 2008 at 6:01 pm
I love you, Cindy.
I love you, Steve.
with tears,
Mary
June 23, 2008 at 6:04 pm
My deepest sympathies to the Wolkoff family. Steve was a great person to work with. We will miss him dearly. He will be in my thoughts and prayers.
With deepest regards,
Arwa Saifee
June 23, 2008 at 6:07 pm
Dear Sandy,
I have no words that can adequately express the sentiments I want to share with you. My thoughts, my prayers, and my condolences are with you and your family. I wish we could somehow lessen your pain. Steven clearly made an impact in this world and we are all better for it.
I send you all my love.
Judy
June 23, 2008 at 6:08 pm
I am so sorry to hear about the awful news about Steve. I worked with Steve at Adobe when I supported the FMS team and he was the program manager. Steve was a great person to work with – smart, funny, and always willing to answer my endless questions. My deepest condolences to the Wolkoff family.
Amanda
June 23, 2008 at 6:23 pm
Dearest Sandy,
My thoughts and prayers are with you, your family, and all those that mourn your son today. You have been a support to so many people over the years. It is my hope that you feel the love and support of all of us during this unimaginable time.
With deepest sympathy,
Danielle
June 23, 2008 at 6:28 pm
I am deeply sadden to hear of the death of your son Steven. I am praying for you and you family that God will strengthen each you during this difficult time. My prayers are with you.
Nellie
June 23, 2008 at 6:34 pm
Dear Sandy and Family,
I’m so, so sorry…I so know how very much you love your wonderful kids!
My heart is broken for you and all your family..
Much Love,
Sandy Whiteside
June 23, 2008 at 6:41 pm
I was so shocked and saddened to hear the news about Steve. Cindy, my heart goes out to you, your family, and Steve’s. I know that a lot of people are thinking about you both, and trying to make sense of this terrible tragedy.
You are in my thoughts and prayers,
Beth
June 23, 2008 at 6:48 pm
My heartfelt sympathies go out to Steve’s family and friends. I knew him only slightly but Steve had a great reputation — he was one of those people who, when you heard his name associated with a project, you thought “wow, if Steve’s working on that, it’s a project to watch.”
June 23, 2008 at 7:06 pm
Dear Sandy,
I am deeply saddened to hear about the tragic loss of Steven. Please know that my thoughts and prayers are with you.
With Love,
Toni
June 23, 2008 at 7:13 pm
Oh my God! I still can’t believe this. Why is life so cruel 😦
I knew Steve since when I was part of Adobe. We were in the same team. I came to know about this shocking news through another ex-colleague.
Steve was such a nice person. Always a smile on his face whenever I talked to him. He had so much respect for everyone else in the team. He had so much enthusiasm in what he worked on. May his soul rest in peace with God.
June 23, 2008 at 7:16 pm
Dear Sandy,
I am heartbroken for you and your family for the unfair, untimely death of your son, Steven. Your strength and wisdom in helping others through tough times is always so admirable. I hope, in time, “we” can be there for you as you have been there for “us”. Little can be said to comfort you in this sad hour. Ira and I will keep you in our prayers.
Jo-Ellen
June 23, 2008 at 7:16 pm
All of us at Kizmo want to extend our condolences to Steve’s family and to his friends. We had the great fortune to work closely with Steve last fall, and really enjoyed the time we spent with him. We all took an instant shine to him. He was warm, friendly, really smart, and very funny. We all count ourselves lucky that we had the chance to get to know him.
Tony, Michael, Laura, Jack & Ken.
June 23, 2008 at 7:19 pm
Dear Sandy and family,
I was so sorry to hear about Steven’s untimely death. My sincere condolences are with you. I am thinking about you during this difficult time.Ed
June 23, 2008 at 7:31 pm
Dear Sandy,
My heart broke when I heard about Steven’s death. I have no works that can adequately express the sentiments I want to share. Please know that my thoughts, prayers, and condolences are with you and your family. I only wish there was something we could do that could help ease this pain. Steven clearly made an impact on this world and we are all better for it.
All of my love,
Judy
June 23, 2008 at 7:42 pm
I worked with Steve at Macromedia a few years ago – he was a really great guy – smart and passionate about his work, yet very down-to-earth and genuine. I’m greatly saddened by this tragic loss, rest in peace.
June 23, 2008 at 7:56 pm
Dear Sandy and Family,
My thoughts and prayers are with you. May God confort you and your loved ones during this great loss. My condolences.
June 23, 2008 at 7:57 pm
My condolences to Steve’s family and friends during this tough time. I am saddend by his loss. My thoughts and prayers are with you.
June 23, 2008 at 8:00 pm
Dear Sandy:
There are no comforting words in any language. There is a Turkish saying “All cries – but it is my mother who forever cries”. Please accept my deepest condolonces. Love. Arin Toksoy
June 23, 2008 at 8:02 pm
Dear Sandy:
I was heart broken when I heard of the loss of your beloved son.
My sincere condolences and deepest sympathy to you and your family.
With love, Amy Gelb
June 23, 2008 at 8:04 pm
I met Steve around the mission district quite a few times and knew him from work here at Adobe. He struck me as a remarkably nice and friendly person.
It was very sad to hear this news this morning.
My deepest sympathies to Steve’s family and friends.
June 23, 2008 at 8:08 pm
I met Steve and Cindy through friends here in NYC. Steve always had that iconic smile on his face and was quick with the witty comments. He was a great guy and will be deeply missed.
Our thoughts are with Cindy and the Wolkoff family during this tragic time.
Matthew & Linda Strong
June 23, 2008 at 8:13 pm
I also had the opportunity to work with Steve at Macromedia/Adobe. He was a great guy, he always had a smile no matter how big his work load was. He was passionate and excited about the next thing coming.
I am shocked and saddened by this, my condolences to his family and all who new him. He touched a lot of people in a great way.
June 23, 2008 at 8:16 pm
Despite our working relationship, Steve and I spent a lot of time joking. We both fit into the role of ‘that funny jewish/white guy’ or ‘the one who dresses in striped shirts’. We used to exchange videos of the worst baseball plays we could find. I felt like we had a lot in common and I looked up to him. It was too soon for him to go, he made life better just being here.
June 23, 2008 at 8:30 pm
Sandy,
We are so broken-hearted for you and your family. There are no other words. We got a glimpse of what a talented, artistic, intelligent and amazing young man Steven was through the words that are written here. I can see why you are so proud of him.
We are so very sorry,
Rosemary & Peter
June 23, 2008 at 8:35 pm
Steve sat next to Bryan when we first started dating. He used to joke with me about our “secret” love affair that everyone knew about. He was an awesome guy that was always willing to rearrange his schedule to help out a friend or colleague. My heart goes out to Cindy and the Wolkoff family.
June 23, 2008 at 8:43 pm
I am so sorry to hear such sad news about such a special individual.
Although I only met Steve on a few occasions, I always took note of his kind, easy going demeanor. You could just see he was a good, genuine person…and the smile was an easy tell.
My deepest condolences go out to his family, friends & the Freewheel team. What an unfortunate loss for everyone who knew him. He will be missed.
June 23, 2008 at 8:49 pm
I had the pleasure of working with Steve after college at DoubleClick in NYC. He was one of the good ones, with a sense of humor and a sweetness about him that made him memorable.
I was stopped in my tracks today when I heard the news. My deepest condolences, thoughts and prayers are with the Wolkoff family.
June 23, 2008 at 9:01 pm
Dear Sandy-
I can not find the words to express how deeply saddened I am at this tragic moment. Please know that my thoughts are with you and if possible, take comfort knowing that your son brightened the world with his presence.
Much love,
Peggy
June 23, 2008 at 9:19 pm
I had the fortune to work with Steve on various projects over the years at DoubleClick.
I had tremendous respect for him both professionally and personally and wished that I would’ve had an opportunity to know him better outside of the office.
My thoughts and prayers are with all of those who knew him.
Jesse
June 23, 2008 at 9:26 pm
I am lucky to have had the opportunity to become very close with Steve over the last several years. Steve had incredible energy which he shared with everyone around him. It fueled his love of life and his appreciation of friends. It fueled his thirst for knowledge and humor. Most of all, it fueled his intense love for Cindy.
The fact that Steve had ten wonderful, rich and fulfilling years together with the love of his life is something to be thankful for while each of us try to come to our own peace with this tragedy. We can never know for sure, but I personally like to think that one of Steve’s last wishes in this world was for Cindy to recover.
Steve had a profound impact on me in every area of my life. I am thankful for the time that we spent together. A part of me definitely left this world along with him but I am extremely grateful for the the part of him which will be with me always.
June 23, 2008 at 10:12 pm
Steve was someone I identified with as a fellow U at Albany alumnus, a DoubleClicker from the Internet doldrums, and a NYC transplant drawn west to San Francisco. He remains one of few with whom I share that trifecta.
A happy thought about Steve goes back to the days when Steve would get “cross” anytime I called him what I thought was an appropriate and endearing nickname, “Grandmaster flash.” I thought of it as an honor bestowed on a top Flash expert, but I think he wanted a name of less notoriety.
Steve was a terrific person and my thoughts are with his loved ones and his family.
June 23, 2008 at 10:26 pm
I have been in a state of shock all day. I didn’t know Steve incredibly well, but I felt that we had a connection. I think that is because that is how Steve made everyone feel. He was a gifted soul, happy soul. My thoughts and prayers to his family, Cindy and everyone touched by this loss.
June 23, 2008 at 10:32 pm
I was very fortunate to have worked with Steve at DoubleClick out in New York on Motif as the product was being built and launched. I’m completely devastate to learn of Steve’s passing. No amount of words can describe this loss. Steve your talent, knowledge, patience, and kindness will be missed dearly.
My deepest sympathies to Steve’s family and friends.
With love, Alex.
June 23, 2008 at 10:34 pm
I recently had the opportunity to work with Steve as he joined Freewheel.
Steve was a special person – it was crystal clear from when you first met him that he was smart, genuinely nice, and one of a kind. It was great getting to know him, if even for a brief while.
Please accept my best wishes in this difficult time.
June 23, 2008 at 10:48 pm
Dear Sandy,
I cannot begin to even imagine what you and your family are going through at this time. I was so saddened for you when I read the email sharing what has happened. You are loved by many, and though I don’t know you well I offer my prayers and good wishes to you and all those you hold dear to your heart.
Heather (Nassau Advococy)
June 23, 2008 at 11:24 pm
May peace be with Steve, Cindy and their families. God bless.
June 23, 2008 at 11:37 pm
Steve will be sorely missed as is clear by these many comments.
It is amazing how someone can so consistently affect so many people. Truly a rare person that will be well remembered.
Much love and well wishes to all,
Dave.
June 23, 2008 at 11:54 pm
Dear Sandy,
My thoughts and prayers ore with you and your family at this incredibly sad and difficult time.
June 24, 2008 at 12:36 am
Dear Sandy and family,
It is with the deepest sorrow that I send my sympathy to you. It is truly a
time for mourning shattered dreams. I hope in some way that you can take a measure of comfort in knowing that you are all held in the hearts of so many who care for you and for Steven.
Love,
Lee
June 24, 2008 at 12:41 am
Dear Sandy,
My heart broke when I heard about Steven’s death. There are no words that can adequately express the sentiments I feel for you. Please know that my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. I wish there was something we could do that would ease this pain.
Steven was clearly a very special person who graced this world with his being.
All of my love,
Judy
June 24, 2008 at 1:44 am
Sandy
My heart and prays are with you. I am so sorry for your loss.
Love, Kate
June 24, 2008 at 1:57 am
Sandy, I’m so sorry to hear about your loss. My heart dropped when I heard of your tragic news. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.
Love Jeremy
June 24, 2008 at 2:27 am
I knew Steve through two of his best friends Howie and Coop. I had the priviledge of enjoying great times with Steve throughout our time in NYC. I am deeply upset by the events surrounding his passing and I cannot express how sorry I am for his family and Cindy’s loss. He was one of the most intelligent and genuine individuals I have met. I wish comfort and condolescences on you all.
STEVE YOU WILL BE MISSED BY MANY!
Love and Brotherhood,
Dave Pirozzoli
June 24, 2008 at 2:31 am
There’s no words to describe how I feel. I was shocked, can’t believe it really happened.
May Steve rest in peace.
My prayers go out to Steve, Cindy and their families
June 24, 2008 at 2:45 am
Though we didn’t talk much directly, I was impressed by Steve’s intelligent and diligent work. Truly and deeply sorry for losing him.
May his soul rest in peace.
Best wishes to his family.
Wei
June 24, 2008 at 2:59 am
When I heard this worst news, my feeling is beyond sad. I am still keeping emailing with Steve last week. But why did everything change just after a weekend?
Wish God bless Cindy and all man alive.
Hope Steve’s soul rest in peace.
June 24, 2008 at 3:08 am
The survivors persevere, the dead Parthia.
愿生者坚强，死者安息!
June 24, 2008 at 3:20 am
I cannot believe my ears that so kind a person would leave us forever.
Although I had no chance to see him before, but things about his smart , happy voice always hit my heart
Steven: 一路走好!!!
June 24, 2008 at 3:30 am
I am so sorry that such a nice person’s leaving.
Bless Steve and bless the families.
June 24, 2008 at 3:45 am
Our deepest condolences to Steve’s family and friends… and we are holding his partner, Cindy, in our hearts.
We were at the farm stand when the accident occurred with our daughter and our friends. We want Steve and Cindy’s families to know that they had many people around them giving them comfort, talking to them, and helping in every way possible. In particular, a young motorcyclist got right into the back of the car and held and talked to Steve until the paramedics arrived.
We will be forever changed from this tragic experience and have been reminded to cherish the precious time we do have.
Our thoughts are with Steve and Cindy’s family and friends.
Janna and Sebastian
June 24, 2008 at 3:46 am
For me, I will always remember the frigid Saturdays in Pacifica where he demonstrated what it meant to really play Ultimate Frisbee and the Tuesday night dinners at Pakwan in the mission. That and his infinite smile and wry sense of humor. Thanks for knowing me Steve.
To your friends and family I only have a my sympathies and sorrow to offer.
June 24, 2008 at 4:01 am
Dearest Sandy,
I was shocked and heart-broken to learn of your tragic loss. I remember sitting at RFTS and hearing all of the wonderful and amazing things your son had done. As seen from above he truely was a wonderful person. Please accept my deepest condolences. You and your family will remain in my thoughts and prayers always. Love, Kristin Karabin
June 24, 2008 at 4:29 am
From the first moment I met Steve, I was really struck by both his intelligence and his clever wit. It’s a combination that signals both a rich life, a loving spirit, and a wonderful humanity that touched everyone who was fortunate enough to meet and interact with him.
If we measure lives by the extent to which an individual enriches the people around him, Steve’s life, however short, was remarkable and unique and special.
June 24, 2008 at 4:45 am
I never worked with Steve, but have smiled to read about how much he excelled at his work. I really knew nothing of this.
I knew Steve as an ultimate frisbee player–part of SCAM for 3 years until I graduated. We practiced hard together, drank beer together and even lived together in Maine for the summer of 1999. Steve would make jokes about Loren’s ice-cream-for-breakfast. We would lay out for discs on Scarborough beach. I’m remembering the weirdest things, like that we had the same jeans at some point. I remember some of Steve’s first, real layouts on defense–the first time we saw that he was excelling at ultimate. We would talk about the *big-face* and laugh–we were really similar, actually.
I probably haven’t talked to Steve in 6 years. My last recollection was us joking on the phone that we could now, after college, after majoring in English, see the value in business classes and MBAs. That business wasn’t just about being a *Junior VP*…
When Steve lived with Loren and myself, he left behind a t-shirt that I wear to this day. At the time I just thought it was a cool shirt–a NYC fireman looking fellow, cartoonish. I also was proud of my scam of the shirt (a finder’s keepers scam, if you will). And every time, EVERY TIME, I have worn that shirt, Steve has crossed my mind. Just a shirt, a rag now, but I thought of him, probably because I wanted to think of him.
I have had to attend to work and other obligations over the past 2 days, but each time I have thought of Steve’s death I have cried.
I can only imagine the horror that those closer to him than I are experiencing, and I wish all of you every bit of ease and comfort that you are able to bring into your life.
June 24, 2008 at 5:00 am
Dear Sandy,
You have been on my mind all day. My heart aches for you so deeply. Please know that our family sends you our heartfelt condolences. I do hope it brings you some comfort to see what a profound impact Steven has had on those he encountered in life. He truly was a remarkable man.
June 24, 2008 at 5:08 am
Dear Sandy,
There are no words of comfort for such a tragic untimely loss.
As one who lost a loved one suddenly in an accident, I can feel some of your pain. But no one can know what a mother feels unless they have been through it. A mothers love is never ending. He will always be a part of your every day until you meet again.
Know that I send my sincere condolences and deepest sympathy. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family on the loss of your dear son Stephen.
If you need anything, please know that I am a call or an IM away- even in the wee hours of the night.
Love and prayers,
Margo
June 24, 2008 at 5:10 am
Dear Sandy and family,
These many replies are a testimony to your Steven’s precious contributions.
I was horrified and shocked.
How is it possible for families to continue when they’re not quite sure if they are still breathing and the world has stopped?
We will pray for you all. We are waiting for you when you are ready.
With my deepest heartfelt sympathy (mom to mom)
Valerie
June 24, 2008 at 5:34 am
Dear Jerry,
This is a huge shock to learn of your son’s tragic passing. The pictures you sent to me of all your children embedded in my mind and how proud you were to tell me all about them. You were a counselor at the camp I went to many years ago and just recently reconnected with your old campers and people you knew from a long time ago. In exchanging stories of the past we shared that and the present and how much your children mean to you. I am so sorry for your loss and the hole in your heart must be deep. I send you comfort from my heart and hope the memory and thoughts so many people are sharing will help to bring you some comfort too. On behalf of Wel_Met campers we send you love and strength and the hope that you know many of us are here for you.
Love,
Lynne
June 24, 2008 at 5:43 am
I don’t even believe this reality until now, when I heard this, totally shocked and sorrowfully for a colleague working with us everyday.
Pray for Cindy and Steve’s family.
It’s a great milestone for us in June 23 to serve more than 1 million imps for customer. At this moment, I would say thanks for Steve’s contribution as a PM for our product. Your smartness, passion and spirit drive and help our engineers to achieve with this. What’s a pity and tragedy to lose such a young creative friend.
Since Steve do wish us moving forward to make FW dream into really, I would use this milestone in heart as a monument to remember Wolkoff forever.
June 24, 2008 at 5:58 am
It is really a heart breaking news.
I met Steve for the first time last September in Beijing, somewhere far away from California. He is bright and passionate. And I had been about to meet him again here in US but could never make it. The flight landed in the afternoon and I learned the news in the next morning. It is so sad.
Prayers with Cindy and the families.
June 24, 2008 at 7:39 am
Deepest sympathy to Steve’s family. I have worked with Sandy, his mother for many years and my heart goes out to this most proud mother.May you take confort in knowing that others share your deep sorrow.
June 24, 2008 at 10:54 am
How incredibly tragic. I wish all of Steve’s co-workers, family and friends all of the strength and love in the world as you all struggle to find peace in his passing.
June 24, 2008 at 11:11 am
Dear Sandy, there are no words to describe how one feels when such an unfair tragedy occurs. Just to let you know you are in my thoughts, Ginny
June 24, 2008 at 11:19 am
My thoughts are with Sandy and her family at this difficult time. I am a clinician, formerly with NSC&FGC and have always admired Sandy’s intelligence, dedication and enthusiasm in her work. I imagine that any child of yours would have been special in many ways. I am sorry for your loss……..
June 24, 2008 at 12:57 pm
Sandy, what can anyone really say except that we love you and are here for you and your family if there is anything that we can do to help.
Amy
June 24, 2008 at 12:57 pm
This goes out to Sandy, Steve’s mother, with the deepest sympathy for your loss. I know that your motherlove runs to the very core of life, whether you can see your son or now, when you cannot. Know in your heart, Sandy, that you are not alone, and that you gave Steve the best of what this life had to offer, now it is time for him to explore the next and prepare your welcome, when your turn arrives.
I am so very sorry for your loss.
Jeanne McGough
June 24, 2008 at 1:22 pm
Dear Sandy,
I’m am so sorry for your loss. Please know I’m thinking of you and your family. We’ve spoken a lot about your children over the years, and I know how proud you have been of your son. I also send warm thoughts from everyone at Newsday’s Parents & Children.
Liza
June 24, 2008 at 2:26 pm
Dear Sandy & Family
I am so so sorry for your loss. I send my deepest sympanty to you and your family.
With love, Nicole Black
June 24, 2008 at 2:44 pm
Dear Sandy and family
What a beautiful young man, what a horrible senseless tragedy. Please know that your family and Steve are in my thoughts and prayers–that Steve is at peace and that you and your family will find the strength you need to go on with life and your important work. I am sure that is what he would want for you.
Those who we have carried in our arms, we carry in our hearts forever.
He will always be with you.
With my deepest condolences.
Janet Ullrich
June 24, 2008 at 2:53 pm
Dear Sandy – Thanks for sending this link. It is good to read all of the comments and let the love in these messages sooth and comfort our broken hearts. Please know that my deepest sympathy is with you now.
evelyn
June 24, 2008 at 4:01 pm
Sandy,
There are no words that can describe how really sorry I am and how much I feel for your loss. This is the most devasting news a parent can ever receive. It feels like all of us here at the agency have lost a family member. Please know you and your family are in our hearts and prayers.
Love,
Regina
June 24, 2008 at 4:08 pm
I have had the honor of being Steven’s aunt for almost 15 years. I married Sandy’s brother, Murray who in turn, is Steven’s uncle. Although I was not close with Steven, I always thought he was just a really sweet, wonderful person. It is amazing to think how life can change in a minute. All our lives will be different with Steven’s untimely, unfair passing. We are still in absolute shock. There are no words to find at a time like this to ease the pain.
One of my favorite memories of Steven is when he would absolutely crack up at Uncle Murray’s jokes. I will never forget his great smile and twinkling eyes. The world has lost a truly special person.
June 24, 2008 at 4:37 pm
Sandy,
I was so saddened to hear this tragic news. My heart aches for you. I haven’t stopped thinking about you and what you are going through. I wish I could take your pain away. Please let me know if there is anything I can do. All my love, Robyn
June 24, 2008 at 4:45 pm
my heart is with cindy and the families. i am so sorry.
June 24, 2008 at 4:56 pm
Jerry-
I join with Lynne Tasman and all of your friends from Wel-Met camps as we mourn the passing of Steve and send you our love. We are thinking of you and so sorry for your loss.
June 24, 2008 at 5:10 pm
I didn’t know Steve personally. Exchanged a few emails back in 2003, I mostly knew him from his Internet presence. Nevertheless, I knew him. When I read the bitter news, I was shocked, I couldn’t move or think at all for a few minutes. I don’t think I can find any words right now even in my native language. I’m deeply sad… Just know that he made an impact here, in Istanbul, Turkey.
June 24, 2008 at 5:33 pm
I’m thinking about Steve’s contagious smile, but I’m still crying. Warmest thoughts to Cindy and the families. I love you guys.
June 24, 2008 at 6:04 pm
Dear Sandy,
Life can be very unfair. I hope that you find your inner strength to guide you through this awful loss. My heart goes out to you and your whole family. all my love, Midge
June 24, 2008 at 6:08 pm
To Sandy and Family,
As your Right From the Start family, we are shocked and heartbroken by your loss. You have been our fearless leader, teacher, and friend as you support us in our work and lives. Now, it is our turn to hold and support you. It is difficult to find any words to ease your pain. You are all constantly in our thoughts and prayers. We love you.
Love,
Jodi, Linda, Kristen, Vanessa, Judy, Sherry, and Sunny
June 24, 2008 at 7:07 pm
Diane’s blog entry from today:
blog.dianeyu.com/2008/06/23/steve-wolkoff–a-friend-sorely-missed-and-forever-remembered.aspx
June 24, 2008 at 7:10 pm
Dear Sandy,
My heart aches for you and the pain and grief you are feeling. I am so deeply, deeply sad at the news of Steven’s death.
There cannot be any greater sorrow than losing a child. Knowing you, I am sure you are helping Jessica and Matthew through this tragic time and I am sure they are what is keeping you sane.
Please know I am here and love you. If there is anything I can do please count on me.
Love,
Marcia Feuer
June 24, 2008 at 7:29 pm
Dear Sandy, I am shocked and deeply saddened to hear of the loss of your beloved son. I pray that you gain strength from the many who love and care for you and your family. In time, this thought helped me get through. Perhaps it will bring some small comfort to you.. “As grief abates, memory nourishes the soul”.
Love,
Harriet Radwell
June 24, 2008 at 7:38 pm
My condolences to Cindy, Jerry, Sandy, Jess and Matt.
Steve was a dear dear friend and my life was better for knowing him.
Its hard to find the words.
If I can be of any help, I’m here.
-Brad
June 24, 2008 at 7:45 pm
Dear Sandy:
My wish for you;
May all the love, nurturing and selfless devotion that you have given so many others be returned to you and surround you, protect you and comfort you and your family during this terribly painful time.
With hugs and more hugs
John Levinson
June 24, 2008 at 8:36 pm
Dear Sandy,
My thoughts and prayers go out to you and your family. I am so very sorry for your loss.
Mindy Turansky
June 24, 2008 at 8:45 pm
Dear Sandy,
It is through tears that I have read the beautiful expressions about your son Steven. I am sorry for the pain and loss your are experiencing. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. I hope that the love that you shared with Steven will bring you peace.
Linda Milch
June 24, 2008 at 9:04 pm
My deepest sympathies to the family.
May the mourners be comforted with all the mourners of Zion and Jerusalem.
June 24, 2008 at 9:08 pm
Sandy,
I am speechless at the enormity of the tragedy that has befallen you and your family. May the comfort, support, and friendship that you have extended to so many over the years come back to you and yours a thousand fold.
Stephanie
June 24, 2008 at 9:15 pm
It was a great gift to meet Steve and Cindy two and a half years ago in San Francisco. And ever since then I’ve thought of them as “Steve and Cindy.” They are that kind of couple. One of the best I’ve known. So rare and pure and each so awesome as individuals, too. I loved our brunches in the back garden and around Myryah and Kevin’s kitchen table. I loved our wine nights and meeting up in the Mission. I loved watching Steve kiss Cindy on the cheek whenever he was coming or going…or even just because, in the middle of a moment, when everyone else was preoccupied and talking and laughing. Always so much laughing with Steve around. He is one of the most genuine, good people I know. I miss him dearly. I’m sending all my love and support to Cindy as she starts down this path without Steve. Though again, I just can’t imagine them except as many of us might have met and known them… “Steve and Cindy,” and so I always will. Much love to Steve and Cindy’s families. Love, Jennifer xo
June 24, 2008 at 9:25 pm
Sandy –
With all my heart I cannot express my deepest sympathy to you and your family. Such a great and overwhelming loss. Remember that your friends are thinking and praying for you and your beloved son.
With Love,
Janet Scolaro
June 24, 2008 at 9:50 pm
Sandy-
As a mother, teacher and fellow human being, I am deeply saddened by your loss. On behalf of the Safe Schools/Healthy Students staff and Uniondale School District family, we offer our heart felt condolences and blessings.
Respectfully-
Brenda Triplett
June 24, 2008 at 9:51 pm
My deepest sympathies to the family, friends and loved ones of all the victims of this senseless accident.
Thoughts and Prayers,
Sean Gloster
June 24, 2008 at 10:16 pm
I met steve in small conference room at battery ventures about 3 months ago. He was the first person I met face-to-face at FreeWheel and his drive and enthusiasm was the biggest factor in my final decision to join the company. He had a cool affable confidence about about him that allowed him to breeze through the toughest meetings (with the toughest clients), tackle the toughest problems and help out anywhere he was needed. I switched roles to join FreeWheel and had never interfaced with clients on behalf of a company before. I confided in Steve about this issue, he helped me work through a plan, a backup plan and even loaned me a book about software demos to get me ready for my first meeting.
He was always there for everyone, anytime anyone need him in his professional life, and in reading the comments above, it was clear the same went for his personal life.
In this time of hardship, my prayers and thoughts go out to Steve, Cindy, and their families. May the warmth, goodness and joy that he spread in this world provide comfort to those dealing with this terrible loss.
June 24, 2008 at 11:08 pm
Dear Sandy,
There are no words that can encompass such a tragic loss. You’ve been part of my personal and professional network for many years, and while I didn’t know Steve personally, what I’ve read about him from this wonderful memorial tribute is no surprise given what I know about you.
Sending my thoughts and prayers as well as the condolences of the board and staff of the National Association of Mothers’ Centers. Our hope is that the love you shared, the heartfelt testimonials to the impact his life has had on so many and the support of family, friends and colleagues will comfort and sustain you and ultimately bring you peace.
Love,
Linda
June 24, 2008 at 11:24 pm
Sandy:
I am so sorry to hear about Steven’s death. My sincerest condolences.
Lyle
June 24, 2008 at 11:28 pm
Funeral services will be held on Friday, June 27th at 10 a.m.
Gutterman’s Funeral Home
8000 Jericho Turnpike
Woodbury, NY 11797
My husband Kevin and I were lucky enough to live right next door to Cindy and Steve for the past few years. At a time when I was lamenting that two of my close friends had recently left the Bay Area, like magic, Steve and Cindy strolled into my life. It was love at first site. I smiled when I read what a friend wrote above about feeling that she had a special bond with Steve, then realizing over time that Steve made many people feel that way. I count myself as one of the many who felt a strong connection with Steve. Whether he spent 20 minutes with someone, or had known them for years, it was that charm, thoughtfulness, and complete lack of ego — he just drew people to him. Steve was beyond special.
As is well documented above, Steve’s wit was legendary. He was kind and yes, extremely bright, I would even go so far as to use the word visionary. But what impressed me the most about Steve was how much he cherished the people in his life, and how good he was to them. He had countless close friends, Shan, Squiddy, Degan, Coop, the list goes on and on. He just loved his boys, and they loved him. And he was a tremendous son to Sandy, Jerry, and brother to Jess and Matt. Most of all, though, I feel fortunate to have been a witness to Cindy and Steve’s incredible love affair. They just relished each other’s company. Their mutual respect, admiration, and just plain enjoyment of one another was always apparent — after 10 years together! For me, watching them day in and out has been a beautiful thing. It was the model of what a relationship at its very best could be.
I’ve started another blog to share information on future memorials and to update everyone on Cindy’s recovery — she has a very difficult road ahead of her. Cindy, I love you.
http://steveandcindy.wordpress.com
June 25, 2008 at 12:03 am
Sandy,
I do not have the right words to say express my condolences and how deeply saddened I am for you at this time. I am thinking of you all the time and am sending you love and strength through my thoughts and prayers. I know the pain is unbearable and I am so sorry for your loss. Please know that all of us here who’s hearts you have touched are hoping that you will gain some comfort from knowing that we care for you.I am sending concern from myself as well as the rest of the Institute for Parenting folks.
With the greatest of Affection for you
Marcy Safyer
June 25, 2008 at 12:45 am
Sandy – I join with the dozens of others in your personal and professional network to express my sympathy on this tragic loss. There are no words of comfort at a time like this but hopefully the love, caring and support of family and friends will be of some help. My sincere condolences, Karen
June 25, 2008 at 1:17 am
Sandy – My heart is breaking for you and your family. With much love, Connie
June 25, 2008 at 1:17 am
Dear Sandy and Family,
It is clear from the very many comments that Steve was a special person- it is there in his picture- with the warm big smile that is yours Sandy.
There are no words that are adequate- but you and your family are in my heart and have been in my thoughts since i first learned of this terrible tragedy.
my very deepest sympathies
Ellen Auster
June 25, 2008 at 2:10 am
Dear Sandy, You may not remember me, but I certainly remember your contributions to the work of the NAMC, of which I was a Board member and co-chair, and to the cause of healthy children, women and families. There is very little that I could say right now, other than that you and your family are in my thoughts. I hope that the love and support of those who cherish you, your son and your family will be of some consolation during this very dark time. My deepest sympathies. Rosanne Weston
June 25, 2008 at 2:41 am
“Grief is a teacher. It tells us that we are not alone; that we are interconnected; that what connects us also breaks our hearts.”
I find it so hard to describe this pain…I need to use the words of others. Thank you Steve for your infectious smile, and beautiful music. I miss you!
Cindy I am sending positive energy and love to you as you begin this healing process.
Tara
June 25, 2008 at 2:48 am
Dear Sandy,
My thoughts and prayers go out to you and your family at this very tragic time. It is quite clear by all the touching messages here, what a wonderful person Steven was. I hope you can find strength and pride in knowing how many people’s lives are better because of knowing your son.
Love, Jami
June 25, 2008 at 3:41 am
Steve is/was (still hard to do the past tense thing) one of the greatest guys I’ve known… I feel priviledged to have been one of the lucky ones who had a chance to get to know him. I’m deeply sad that he had to leave this life so soon, and in such a horrible way. Its just wrong in so many ways, and its very difficult to process.
He will be greatly missed. But he has certainly left a special mark on my heart and I’m sure on the hearts of many others as well.
June 25, 2008 at 4:10 am
Unfortunately I did not know Steve, but I worked with his mom for more than five years. I can only imagine the pain and sorrow that is being shared by the Wolkoff family. May God be with you at this time and I send my love and condolence.
June 25, 2008 at 4:12 am
My life has not been near to his recently, perhaps it never really was. He was a friend and a teammate for 3 years at SUNYA. I developed a great deal of respect for him during that time. I remember many qualities that made him special. An attention to detail coupled with an ability to go wandering about in the midst of ideas allowed Steve to create. At the same time, he was very clear in understanding the is and isn’t of things. That kept him grounded. He was real…
We used to call him Pooh Bear.
June 25, 2008 at 5:17 am
May steve rest in a peace.
Hope Cindy will get better soon,Give out my prayers to Steve’s family and Cindy’s family
June 25, 2008 at 5:20 am
Dear Sandy
I can’t find the right words to tell you how sorry I am; but I wanted to write something here to let you know how much I’m thinking about you, and how deeply I care.
Because Steven was so exceptional, his loss is even more unbearable, but it is also a tribute to him that he will be remembered for being such a special man.
He was the best of the best, and you helped make him that way. No one can ever take that away from you.
My sincere condolences to you and your family.
Love,
Sandy
June 25, 2008 at 12:09 pm
Dear Sandy and family, I share your shock and pain at hearing this very sad news of the tragic loss of Steven. I offer, along with the others, the comfort of knowing that the love you have given, and that Steven has expanded, will hold you as you grieve his loss. With love and blessings for much healing, Susan
June 25, 2008 at 1:24 pm
Sometimes life makes no sense to me. It’s just something we get through one day, or even one hour at a time.
I hope the loving and supportive words and people iwho have been in the lives of Cindy and Steven will help all through this, and soften the sharp edge of grief and loss.
And to Sandy, with whom I’ve worked for many years, gentle hugs.
Love,
Neala
June 25, 2008 at 2:35 pm
The loss of a child is pain beyond measure. May it bring you peace to know that others share your grief and God is with you and your family at this time of sorrow.
June 25, 2008 at 2:58 pm
Dear Sandy,
I am shocked and saddened to hear of your horrible loss. There are no words to adequately express how sorry I am.
I am not at all surprised to read how wonderful Steven was-as his mother taught me (and many others) so much about parenting. Please know that you are constantly in my thoughts and prayers.
Love, Maura
June 25, 2008 at 3:01 pm
Sandy,
My deepest sympathy to you and your family.
I hope that all of you will be able to find comfort in the future in treasuring happy memories of your son.
Most sincerely,
Abby Greenberg
June 25, 2008 at 3:45 pm
Dear Sandy and Family,
I did not know Steve personally but reading the postings here, I am sure he was someone special. If he was anything like Murray(his uncle) then I am sure he was a great person. My deepest sympathy to you and your family.
June 25, 2008 at 3:48 pm
[…] and we hadn’t gotten to know him nearly well enough, but we already had a sense of what the outpouring of comments on his blog are showing: the love and respect he’s won over the years for being smart, funny, […]
June 25, 2008 at 4:47 pm
Dear Sandy,
I can only imagine what you are feeling. My thoughts, prayers and love are with you and your family. I know that you will be surrounded by many, but please feel free to reach out to me if you need to. You have been in my thoughts every day since I heard the news. Love to you,
Lorraine
June 25, 2008 at 5:58 pm
i’m in disbelief of what has happened to steve and cindy. although i’m not one that gets too much into prayer, it’s maybe the only way i can try and reach out to you two, and wish the best for all your friends and family dealing with this. i love you both and appreciate how good you’ve been to me over the years. take care, stevie
June 25, 2008 at 6:56 pm
My thoughts are with you and your loved ones. I didn’t know him personally but one of my coworkers did and I was deeply moved by this tragedy. Please accept my prayers during this difficult time – Kimmie
June 25, 2008 at 7:20 pm
Dear Sandy,
“Be patient toward all that is unresolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves. Do not seek the answers that cannot be given to you because you would not be able to live and the point is to live everything. Live the questions now: Perhaps you will gradually, without noticing it, live along some distant day into the answers.” Rainer Maria Rilke
Our thoughts and prayers are with you and your family at this very difficult time. Love and peace, Maureen and John Ferrari
June 25, 2008 at 9:23 pm
We grieve the untimely passing of Steven Wolkoff. Our families have had many professional and personal interweavings with much love and affection between us.Steve’s tragic death cuts off a promising life of a lovely young man who we knew best from Sandy’s tellings of what a fine and loving son he was . The few times we met him confirmed every nice thing a proud mother told us. We send our deep hopes for a speedy recovery of Cindy who has suffered such a great loss. We send our heartfelt condolences to Sandy and Jerry and to the entire Wolkoff family.With much love and sorrow from Marion and Irving and the Levine family.
June 25, 2008 at 9:36 pm
Dear sweet Steve. You are so missed and words cannot express how much I wish you were still cutting fruit and in search of the perfect instrument to make melon balls for our wonderful Father’s day BBQ. Your Dad would have laughed if he saw what a skilled horseshoe thrower you were. As I told your Sister, Jessica, “Your brother was a good, good Man. He was so funny and smart. I was proud to have known him.” I know I can speak for my Partner, Joey, when I say his directness was refreshing to all of us and did you know he wanted a dog, mid sized, named Mr. Mittens (we all laughed), and we could just see him with Cindy walking their dog named Mr. Mittens. We send our love and joy for having known him and our love and support to the whole family. Joey and Juliana
June 25, 2008 at 9:38 pm
My thoughts are with the Wolkoff family at this time…I didn’t know Steven, but he sounded like an incredible person….
June 25, 2008 at 9:50 pm
We at Harbor are saddened by this tragic loss.
Sending love,
Jill Rooney
Executive Director
Harbor Child Care
June 25, 2008 at 10:38 pm
What a horrible tragedy. I still don’t quite believe this has happened.
Steve, Cindy, and I met through a mutual friend a few years ago, and quickly hit it off. I remember my first encounter with him; how warm and open he was, and how easily we slipped into what seemed like a much longer friendship. Being boys of nearly the same age, with many of the same somewhat geeky childhood interests, we immediately recognized each other as kindred spirits…I appreciated his intense curiosity, fantastic sense of humor, and willingness to talk and talk about the most mundane, but–to us–fascinating things. His kindness and warmth were and will continue to be an inspiration to me…
We were particularly into talking about music and bass particularly. I remember recording his band, for example, and discussing their future over many a beer. Steve was so generous: He had told me about a bass he had…an old Fender Jazz that he rarely played, instead preferring another. I’ll never forget finally making it over to his house and seeing the bass in person. When he saw my excitement over it (it’s a beautiful Sea Foam Green ’75 Fender) he soon offered to let me have it in exchange for a few things I had that he could use. Whereas most people would hoard such a treasure, Steve immediately recognized my enthusiasm and offered the trade…I’ve since taken that instrument all over the world, and each time I play it, I think of Steve, one of the smartest, kindest, and coolest friends I’ve ever had. I’ll miss him so much.
June 25, 2008 at 10:50 pm
May the 30 years of happier memories help you through this tragic time. You raised a very special son as evident by the outpouring of sympathy. I am sorry for your loss.
June 25, 2008 at 11:39 pm
Dear Sandy,
I am so deeply sorry for your loss. Although I never had the pleasure of meeting your son; I remember the smile that spread across your face every time you mentioned your children.
Although this is an extremely difficult time for you: I truly believe that your son is looking down on you with that same smile. Reading the comments above, I can see that he made so many people laugh. Although his time here was short; he obviously touched more lives than most people do in a lifetime. My thoughts and prayers are with you now and always. May God’s love give you and your family the strength and support to endure this tragedy.
June 25, 2008 at 11:48 pm
Sandy,
As a work colleague and as a mother, my heart weeps. As evidenced by all these postings, your son was a remarkable human being who led a very full life. Please know that your friends and colleagues at The Parent-Child Home Program are thinking of you and your family during this very difficult time.
June 26, 2008 at 12:10 am
We are deeply saddened by the sudden loss of Steve. He had a special light in his eyes. He always had a huge smile on his face, was always genuinely happy to see you and greeted you with a huge hug. You don’t meet many people as amazing as Steve who are really truly interested in what is going on in his friends lives. We will miss him very much. Steve and Cindy had something everyone dreams of, they were beyond best friends! Life isn’t fair but there should have been an exception in their case. We love you Cindy and Steve! We will be here for Cindy for anything she needs! Our hearts and prayers are with both Families.
Love,
Hidgy & Matt
June 26, 2008 at 12:44 am
Sandy-
You are and have always been so strong for so many others. In this time of unimaginable sorrow, we all greive with you.
Your family is in my thoughts and prayers.
Love,
Juli Posner
June 26, 2008 at 12:54 am
Dear Sandy,
Knowing you as we do, we can only begin to imagine the kind of son you raised. From all that has been written, it is obvious that he was an incredible human being. We know he must have been a great source of pride for you.
At this difficult time, we will use the wisdom you have imparted to us, to lend support to you.
Please know that you are in our thoughts and in our hearts.
Love,
Erika, Jane, Joyce, Judi, Leslie, Marsy, Miriam, Sandie, and Susan
June 26, 2008 at 1:43 am
Dear Sandy,
I am beyond sorry to about the tragic loss of your son. My mind becomes frozen as to what words to write to you. My heart hurts for you and your family. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. May God give you and your family the inner strength and outside support to endure this tragedy.
Love,
Nicole
June 26, 2008 at 2:59 am
Sandy –
I am Leslie Popkin’s sister. Leslie told me about your loss. It is obvious from the posts here that Steve was very loved. That is a blessing.
To you and your family, in this time…I know that Steve’s transition to the next place must be a painful one. As human beings, we only know what is here on this plane, and it’s so hard to not know how to move forward. I hope that you can take each moment as it comes, and know that you, too, are loved and held by many. Leslie speaks of your wisdom. I hope that it helps, in some way, to carry you.
I send you my love and prayers for peace and understanding through this journey.
Love,
Cathy
June 26, 2008 at 1:26 pm
The Board of Directors and Staff of the Jewish Community Center of the Greater Five Towns wishes to extend heartfelt condolences to our former Executive Director, Jerry, and his family, on the tragic loss of his beloved son Steve. May you be comforted among by the mourners of Zion and Jerusalem.
Michael Rattner Rina Shkolnik
President Executive Director
June 26, 2008 at 2:07 pm
Dear Sandy and Family
Please accept my deepest sympathy on this unspeakable loss.I only pray it will give you a little comfort in knowing how much your life has impacted others and knowing how very much others care. Sincerely,Isobel Lustig,EIP,Nass.Cty.
June 26, 2008 at 4:15 pm
Cindy, Steve’s Family, Cindy’s Family,
My heart to you all…
I am sending my love with Sandy (my husband) today as he drives to see some of you in NY. I hope you feel some of it in his hugs…
“It is still so new & all we see is the empty space, but that is not how it is in the landscape of the heart. There, there is no empty space & he still laughs & grapples with ideas & plans & nods wisely with each of us in turn. We are proud to have known him. We are proud to have called him friend.”
OOOOOXO, maribeth
June 26, 2008 at 4:25 pm
Dear Gerry and Family
My heart goes out to you and your family. there are no words to express the deep pain you all must be feeling. As a parent I can not even begin to imagine your grief. My deepest sympathy. sincerly your old firend don bluestone
June 26, 2008 at 4:33 pm
Dear Wolkoff Family:
I have no words to describe my deepest condolences! My prayers are with you…may God watch over your son and your entire family in this greatest time of need…
Anything you need please call HCC at 516-538-2613. Don’t worry about payments of any kind!
Sincerely,
Isabel Arroyo
Hispanic Counseling Center
June 26, 2008 at 4:53 pm
Our deepest sympathy goes out to the Wolkoff family and the rest of the FreeWheel team for your tragic loss. We were shocked and saddened to learn of this terrible tragedy when we logged on to your website. Our thoughts and prayers are with you during this very difficult time.
Sincerely,
The Sling Media Team
June 26, 2008 at 6:06 pm
Dear Sandy,
I cannot find the words to express how sad I feel for you over the tragic loss of your beautiful son. Please know that I am here for you. You are in my thoughts and prayers.
Love and Prayers,
Carolyn Rassiger
June 26, 2008 at 6:31 pm
The Board of Directors and Staff of Jewish Community Center Association of North America wish to extend sincere condolences to former JCC of the Greater Five Towns Executive Director Jerry Wolkoff, to Sandy, and to their family, on the sudden and tragic loss of their beloved son Steven. May you be comforted among by the mourners of Zion and Jerusalem, and may Steven’s memory be as a blessing in your lives.
David E. Posner
Vice-President, Community Services and New York Services
June 26, 2008 at 6:57 pm
my deepest heartfelt love to all steve’s family & friends.
you all raised a good good man. a bright star.
i love you cindy…
phil.
london.
xx
June 26, 2008 at 8:40 pm
Dear Sandy and family:
We go way back and have not been in touch for decades. Some of our childhood years were spent together in the Bronx at 2815 Grand Concourse between my aunt’s and grandmother’s apartments. I never had the privilege of knowing your beautiful, incredible, talented son and learned of his passing just yesterday. Please accept our condolences for your untimely and tragic loss. Love, Red & Larry Cohen
June 26, 2008 at 9:04 pm
I met Steve through Cindy who I met on the very first day of High School. I remember Cindy and I sitting in Perkins (our HS hangout) during one of our first college breaks. She told me all about this amazing guy that she was falling in love with. She was gushing and so excited to tell me all about this amazing person Steve. When I met him I was so impressed by his genuine love and care for her. I remember saying to him, “you are a perfect match for Cindy; she’s one lucky girl!” Steve was always so thoughtful and considerate. I will treasure the memories of going to restaurants, laser tag, ice skating and simply hanging out and enjoying their company. Steve’s sense of humor always had us laughing. My deepest sympathy to Steve and Cindy’s families.
Denise Ambrose
June 26, 2008 at 9:12 pm
Dear Sandy,
I was shocked to hear of your terrible loss. You are one of the warmest and wisest people I know and I can only imagine the heartbreak your family is feeling. Having read many of the wonderful thoughts and memories posted aobut Steve, he must have been a very special young man–not unlike his very special mother. You are in my thoughts and in my heart. I hope all the comfort you have offered to others through the years comes back to you tenfold to help you through this terrible time.
With love and affection and a hug, too–
Barbara
June 26, 2008 at 9:50 pm
Dear Sandy,
There are no words to express our sadness over the loss of your wonderful son, Steven. Sandy has told me what an incredible young man he was; and reading the online blogs, I certainly get a sense of his intelligence, humor and kindness. He obviously had many friends and was loved and respected by all. Our deepest condolences to you and your family, and we hope Cindy has a speedy recovery.
Love,
Marcia and Stan
June 26, 2008 at 10:04 pm
Dear Jerry,
I join with Lynne, and Marty, and the rest of the Wel-Met crew in saying how very sorry I am about your son’s passing. I wish you and your family much support and love during this time.
With heartfelt sorrow,
Roberta
June 26, 2008 at 10:12 pm
Words cannnot express how saddened I am by Steve’s passing. His life touched so many people and the legacy he leaves behind will not be forgotten. His sense of humor was infectious, as was his good nature and love for life.
I met Steve freshman year in the honors dorm at Albany, and I have many good memories of late night antics and runs to Denny’s filled with stupid jokes and endless laughter. For the next three years, Steve was one of my good friends and roommates as we moved to better digs on campus and then to an off-campus apartment downtown.
I remember when Steve bought a brand new 27 inch TV for the common room in our dorm. I immediately dubbed him “suite mate” of the week for the move. He was always generous like that. We had some good times watching sports and other mindless comedy shows on that TV. But more importantly, he brought us out of our rooms and together into the common room.
One time Steve’s mom made brownies for him during a visit home. He brought them back to our apartment and I’m not overstating when I say these were the best brownies ever. Steve and I had a laugh making fun of Cedric, who grabbed a brownie in seven consecutive trips by the tray in the kitchen during a half hour period. I can still hear Steve doing the impression of Cedric…”oooooh browwwwnies”.
Steve always appreciated my practical jokes and ridiculous banter, and he was always quick to come back with something way wittier than I could come up with. Even though he was smarter than all of us, he was extremely modest, and made others feel good about themselves. Steve was always up for a game of NHL hockey and we must have spent more time playing that game than we did in class. At one point we communicated only through the computerized hockey announcer’s quotes (“he races in alone!” “the howitzer!” “coaches in general…can live with initial penalties but not retaliatory penalties”).
After graduation, Cedric, Devon and I visited Steve, Aaron and Loren in Portland Maine in the summer of 1999. We made an overnight trip to Long Island which is only reachable by ferry. We all hung out on the beach that night and had unforgettable adventures that felt like they were right out of a scooby doo episode.
I cherish all these memories of Steve and the many more we had. There are so many, and they all make me smile.
While I too was a New York transplant in San Fransisco, my adventure out there ended as Steve’s begun. Nevertheless, we kept in touch – thank god for fantasy baseball.
I’ll miss Steve and the good time that I always had when around him. He made us all better people and will be missed dearly.
My thoughts and prayers go out to Steve’s family, as well as Cindy and her family. May god give her a full and fast recovery.
June 26, 2008 at 10:43 pm
Dear Sandy,
In the many years I’ve known him, I’ve grown to regard Steven’s, Uncle Murray, as family. Through Murray I heard about but never met Steven. In reading these posts I can see what a remarkable young man he was – able also to touch the lives of so many in such a positive way. I lost my 21 year old niece a few months ago and the firm conviction that I have a new angel watching over me is especially reassuring. My thoughts and prayers are with you, with Cindy and both families as you endure this incredibly painful time.
Susan (and Keith)
June 26, 2008 at 10:50 pm
Dear Jerry, Sandy & Family
There are no words to adequately express how deeply we share of the pain of your loss, and how we hold you in our thoughts and hearts during this time of profound sorrow. We know what a special and wonderful person Steven was and the countless blessings that he provided to the many who knew him and loved him.
I know that the love of your family, the support of your many friends and the extraordinary memories you have of the days that you spent with Steven will give you strength.
Please accept the condolences and prayers of the entire Samuel field Y.
June 26, 2008 at 11:09 pm
Dear Jerry, Sandy, Jessica and Matthew,
My thoughts and prayers are with each of you. For many years I enjoyed hearing wonderful stories about Steven. Your pride in Steven and in his life choices was evident each day. I hope that you now find strength and comfort in the power of your memories and in the support of family, friends and community.
June 27, 2008 at 12:23 am
Dear Sandy, You have provided solace, comfort,safety and sincere understanding to so many for so long may your strength and the love of your family, friends, and Steven’s connections help to ease your great pain and loss. Words are inadequate , prayers of condolences and sympathy are the only support to offer at this time. I know I can speak for the entire Early Childhood Commununity when I express our hope that your wonderful memories of Steven will keep your lights still shining. You have been an inspiration.
June 27, 2008 at 1:22 am
My thoughts and prayerare with all of the families involved. We had the pleasure of working with Steve for the introduction and launch of FREEWHEEL, so smart and such an engaging and genuine person.
All of us feel sad over this. We light candles in this time of grief!
Prayers and blessings for Cindy, and the family of Steve!
Steve, glad that our paths crossed! Please accept the condolences of each of us at Catalyst: SF
June 27, 2008 at 1:43 am
Dear Sandy,My heart stopped when I read the tragic news of the death of your son, your incredible, beloved son. Through tears, I write these
useless words of heartache,sympathy and love.
I do not know how one gets through this. May you somehow,perhaps though all the loving memories, find strength and peace.
I wish to be there for you in this terrible time. You are so in my thoughts.I have such deep respect for the person you are, for the mother you are.
In grief, in friendship and with love,lorri
June 27, 2008 at 1:50 am
With our sincere condolences, prayers and regrets…
Love…
June 27, 2008 at 2:43 am
My dear Sandy,
I have no words — my heart aches for you. I see your face in your beautiful son. I love you.
With love,
Rita
June 27, 2008 at 2:52 am
Dearest Sandy,
I have thought about you so often these last several years and what a generous soul you are. I am so sorry you have lost your son Steven. I only hope that the love and thoughts being sent your way by me and the others who have written will help you and Gerry and everyone else in your family and Cindy’s get through this sorrowful time and heal as best as possible. From what others have written, Steven was a very special person who left this world a better place. It is with deep sadness that I send my condolences.
–Debbie
June 27, 2008 at 4:21 am
Dear Sandy,
I am deeply saddened by the untimely loss of your beloved son. I was not surprised to learn from reading these blogs that your son was a lot like you. Like you, Steven has touched many people with his warmth, smile, and humor. I hope it brings you some measure of comfort to know that a part Steven will live on in all the people he touched. He will be remembered always. I am so very sorry for you and your whole family. My prayers and thoughts are with you in this time of great sorrow.
Andrea
June 27, 2008 at 4:58 am
This is crazy. Out of the blue, I decide to check out Ben Saitz’s blog and I see the news. Steve and I worked in DBCLK support in 2000. He helped me understand adserving and flash. He was always great to be around. So smart and funny. DBCLK would go crazy every Halloween, and he dressed as Harry Potter one year. We went our separate ways and bumped into each other at the gym locker room. He was the same great person to be around. RIP Steve.
June 27, 2008 at 11:39 am
Sandy,
Please accpt my sincerest condolences to you and your family on the loss of your son. I pray that God wraps you in the comfort of His loving arms, that He grants you peace that surpasses all understanding, and that He gives you the strength to move forward as you and your family work to keep the memory of your son alive. God bless.
June 27, 2008 at 12:22 pm
Sandy,
Of course, there are no words sufficient to express my sadness at hearing of the loss of your son. As a mother, I can imagine the depth of your pain. As an old friend, I can imagine what a loving relationship you must have had with Steven.
Please take strength from those around you who love you and know that we all pray, everyday, for peace and healing in your family.
Love, Denise
June 27, 2008 at 12:24 pm
[…] only knew him for a few months, but his poise, confidence, and approach to everything he worked on gave the entire Joost team a huge sense of comfort knowing we were in good hands, working with a pro […]
June 27, 2008 at 1:55 pm
I don’t quite know what to say. I’ve been reeling since Sunday, but haven’t been able to express my thoughts on this except to say that I am devastated.
Steve and I weren’t good friends, but steady work colleagues. We met at Adobe when he started a few years back. We had common bonds – growing up on long island, seeing punk bands in high school at strange venues (bouncing souls), and working in the same industry. As others have stated, he was easy to relate to and you could tell that he was at heart a good, honest person. I always felt that had we lived in the same city at the same time, he’d be one of my closest friends.
It’d been some time since we hung out and we finally connected a month ago in NYC while Steve was here for a conference. We shared a beer in a hotel bar and ate fries and quesadillas and spoke about work. It was clear that Steve was loving what he was doing, even when it was challenging. I remember the excitement in his voice about spending the last little while building a product from scratch and now releasing it to the world.
I’ll miss you Steve.
June 27, 2008 at 2:01 pm
Dear Sandy,
I wish to extend to you and your family my heartfelt sympathy for the tragic and untimely loss of your beloved son. When I viewed the picture of him on this blog, I was struck by how much he resembled you and the kind spirit his image exudes. May cherished memories of him provide some comfort for you all during this difficult time. Please know that my thoughts and prayers are with you.
My deepest sympathy, Michelle
June 27, 2008 at 2:29 pm
I found out about Steve yesterday upon return from my mother in laws funeral. This doesn’t make sense at all – how such a great person with so much to offer the world around him was taken in such a senseless act. I want to remember Steve for the all the amazing qualities he possessed, as noted by the many who have proceeded me here …. yet I find it hard to get past the fact that he was killed by some worthless idiot who possessed none of these qualities.
I also had the pleasure of meeting Steve when I first came to DoubleClick in 2000. I was 8 years older than him but quickly realized that he knew infinitely more than me about the business and the technology that drove it. I was new and had a lot of questions, but rather than give me the answers, he would share problems with me that demonstrated how to arrive at the solution… allowing me to figure them out myself. What a great gift this was. When he was busy he would communicate with me through IM even though we sat next to each other.
Steve was one of the more interesting people to talk to. We had quite a few laughs outside of work as well. I went to see his band play and enjoyed it immensely. Steve even made me a better basketball player, which is pretty remarkable considering I have no talent for the sport.
My heartfelt condolences go out to the Wolkoff family. Wishing a full recovery for Cindy as well.
Adam Schatz
June 27, 2008 at 3:13 pm
Dear Sandy and Family,
I am so very sorry to have learned about your son’s death. I can’t begin to imagine your feelings with such tragic loss. I am very sad. My thoughts are with you.
Laura.
June 27, 2008 at 3:36 pm
Dear Sandy & Family
During times of loss it is always hard to express how one feels. I am sorry for your loss and please know that my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.
With Love
Lakia Payne
June 27, 2008 at 3:42 pm
May the angels greet Steve in the heaven’s above and may his family find peace in their hearts rhough his spirit here on earth. My prayers.
June 27, 2008 at 7:11 pm
Dear Sandy and family-
My heart goes out to you at this saddest of sad times. While I never met Steven I came to know the joy, the love and the great compassion he brought to those who did know him through the wonderful verbal portraits and vignettes this morning that described his journey from boy to man. Sandy – I could hear how he encompassed your sense of humor and your intelligence and your passion. While there are no words I can contribute to ease your loss, clearly there are words that can celebrate his life. Please add mine to the chorus that they may contiue to resonate and comfort you.
With my sincerest sympathy,
Linda Landsman
June 27, 2008 at 7:18 pm
Dear Sandy,
No words can express my heartfelt sympathy in the tragic loss of your precious son. You are in my heart and I pray that God shines his light to show you the way in the darkness.
Love,
Kathy
June 27, 2008 at 8:38 pm
Dear Sandy and Family,
I am beyond sorry to about the tragic loss of your son. From All I have read it is clear he was an amazing person, who made an impact on every life he touched. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.
Deepest sympathy’s,
Jen Paul
June 27, 2008 at 8:56 pm
I’m very sad and shocked by this loss. My heart goes out with Steve’s family and Cindy. I will always remember his young, sweet, bright smile. Hope he rest in peace.
With my deepest sympathy,
Xiaoshu
June 28, 2008 at 12:50 am
I was floored by the tragic news of Steve Wolkoff’s passing. Steve and I shared a special friendship, as we played together in a band for 3 years and have known each other during most of his time living in San Francisco. He was the bassist, I was the drummer. Along with our front man Dagan Ministero (another dear friend of Steve’s), we spent many, many hours in the studio, recording and editing songs, and playing live around San Francisco. As you could guess, spending endless hours in windowless rooms making music can really open one up to the more esoteric and emotional layers of the people sharing the room; it’s amazing how you can get to know someone’s depth and inner being through the creation process, whether it’s music or any other art form. Both of us had played the indie rock circuit around NYC post-college, and we bonded over that history as we forged a unique sound based on strong commonalities in style, craft and execution. We drove each other to new heights of creativity in sound. I always, always looked forward to our sessions, the gigs, and all the good times that would ensue once the instruments were put away.
Steve was a gifted bassist, with an impeccable ear and skills to match. He was, without any sense of post-mortem hyperbole, the best bassist I’ve ever played with or personally known. He could create one-of-a-kind licks out of thin air and had a special mastery of “reading” the proper compostion for the mood/tone of each song. As the rhyhtm section in our band (alternately taking the names Black Box Recorder and What X Is Trying To Say), I had a hard time envisioning a more perfectly matched bass/drums. We took the stage like young lions, confident + assured that whatever music we were about to deliver was original, unique, and worthy of the effort. Steve had a veteran’s stage presence, with the simultaneously calm, fierce and exacting approach of a true professional. Our musical influences, our music, our time spent whiling away over the minutiae of chords and measures, are locked in my memory forever. Steve Wolkoff will hold a place of honor in my memory, always.
Although we had fallen out of touch in recent months, I wept heavily in recalling all the memorable moments I shared with Steve. Every time I recall a golden moment, I get choked up, even as I write. Why such a soul should be taken from us is beyond logic and words. Beyond his love of music, he was a kind human being with a deep an abiding love for his girl Cindy. I can see from these comments that Steve was truly appreciated, and in so many ways.
To Steve: Your recordings, your songs, your kind nature, your life…it leaves a trail in my heart. Rest in peace, brother…
On my next road trip to Santa Cruz, I will leave a “roadside memorial” for Steve at the intersection of his untimely departure, along the Pacific Coast Highway (route 1).
In love and remembrance,
Douglas E. Metzner
June 28, 2008 at 1:19 am
My thoughts and prayers are with the family and friends. I had the pleasure and opportunity to meet both Cindy and Steve when i stayed with my son, Kevin and daughter-in-law, Myryah at their place in SF when Vivian was born. My husband and I both send our condolences. Pat
June 28, 2008 at 4:10 am
FROM MRS. WOLKOFF:
In Honor of Steve Wolkoff
The Steven Nathaniel Wolkoff Foundation
A foundation has been formed in honor of my son, Steve Wolkoff.
The foundation is an opportunity to honor Steven’s name and keep his voice alive. The mission will be to support work addressing the issues that were important to him: recreational (local ultimate teams, parks and common green areas), educational (he would love to create an educational center/think tank), and addressing environmental problems and solutions.
The current address is c/o Sandy Wolkoff, 29 The Circle, The Knolls, Glen Head NY 11545. The new ID-EIN number for the Steven Nathaniel Wolkoff Foundation is 26-2864582.
I wanted something for Cindy and our family to do for the future, and in the future, as we all try to recover, and I am confident that this can be a way to make sure that Steven continues to make a difference in the world.
With gratitude,
The family and friends of Steven Wolkoff
June 28, 2008 at 9:08 am
I am saddened and sickened by this tragic loss.
I had the chance to meet Steven for the first time in late 1999 when he interviewed at DoubleClick for a job on my team. He didn’t have a whole lot of experience, but he had something far more memorable – sincerity — a way of communicating that came across so genuine– you would’ve wanted him on your team regardless of what you were setting out to accomplish, cause with Steve, it wouldn’t have mattered — he would be an asset regardless of the challenge. I did what anyone who had ever met Steve probably would’ve done and hired him. It took all of a few weeks to realize Steve’s exceptional capabilities—technical aptitude in combination with human competencies — Steve set his sights on rich media, and never looked back.
I remember a meeting in 2000 with a company we were thinking of acquiring – certainly an area Steve had no experience in at that time – but it didn’t matter – I watched this young, inexperienced guy – command the respect of the entire room. If you knew Steve, this probably doesn’t surprise you. Steven had a way of communicating – even and honest – which seemed to always resonate with those he came in contact with and while i am sure he may have been a bit nervous – he oozed inner confidence, the kind most never find, especially not at such a young age.
To the Wolkoff family and to Cindy and your family, my deepest sympathies go out to you.
June 29, 2008 at 12:03 am
FreeWheel was founded by Doug, Jon, and Diane but I saw Steve as the fourth “Wheel.” He and I overlapped working at DoubleClick but I never really got to know him. My first interaction was when he, Doug, and Jon came to talk about MRM when I was at my former employer. The product was still screenshots in a powerpoint but his passion, warmth, and knowledge about FreeWheel’s future was infectious. He selflessness in helping others inspired everyone around him. My deepest sympathies go out to the Wolkoff family and Cindy. And to Steve: we’ll make your dream a reality!
June 29, 2008 at 4:11 pm
To Sandy,
Nothing but trite things to say. So I will say I love you and think of you everyday. Wish I had met him. He is at peace. Wish I could give back all the strength you have given me through the years to help. Wish I could help you heal, you are loved and so is he. Eve
June 29, 2008 at 11:43 pm
Dear Sandy,
As I listened to the beautiful stories about Steven, I have a sense of who he was. His brilliance, his kindness, his infectious laugh and beautiful smile, his twinkling eyes and his ability to make others feel good. I could only think of you – and – know he was truly your son.
I am here for you.
Steven and your family are in my prayers.
Love,
Andrea and Michael
June 30, 2008 at 1:09 am
Dear Jerry and family,
My thoughts are with you during this painful time.
May God be with all of you
Lisa
June 30, 2008 at 2:13 am
Dear Sandy & Jerry
Having read the previous comments, I see that Steven was the image of his parents. I have learned so much from the two of you both personally and professionally. You have spent your lives helping others yet still were such devoted parents. May the Almighty comfort you amongst the mourners of Zion and Jerusalem.
June 30, 2008 at 5:38 pm
I also have no words to describe the feeling of loss after losing someone so genuinely good. Steve was a fantastic human being, and one of the better technical problem solvers I’ve had the pleasure of working with.
His family will be in my thoughts and prayers. I feel fortunate to have had the opportunity to know him.
You will be missed!
Pete
June 30, 2008 at 10:40 pm
Sandy,
Only just hearing of Steven’s tragic death today, I am sending you my deepest condolences and all the love and friendship that you have given to me over the years. I can not imagine the deep pain that you, Jerry, Jessica and Matthew must be feeling. Hold on to each other and take comfort in knowing the incredible impact that your beloved son had on so many people. I will be praying for you and for Cindy.
With love,
Claudia
July 1, 2008 at 2:01 am
Dear Sandy,
My sincere and deepest condolences to you and your family. Above all else, you are an amazing mother who raised three remarkable children. Your many stories about Steven always revealed your love and affection. I know the pain is unbearable, please know that you are in my heart and I am here for you.
Sincerely,
Ellen Ferber
July 1, 2008 at 3:02 am
To the Wolkoff Family:
The 5 Towns Jewish Council extends our affection, grief, in this untimely passing of your precious son.
Words cannot express our deep sorrow.
Be strong, know the community is with you, will always be with you.
Sincerely,
Edith Pollack and the entire community at large
July 1, 2008 at 7:08 pm
Sandy,
I as deeply saddned to her of your families loss. You are surrounded by many who wil comfort you and keep the memories buring bright.
Love,
Lianne
July 4, 2008 at 3:37 am
Dear Sandy and family,
There are no words that I can say to ease the pain you all must feel. I can only tell you how truely sorry I am for the loss of your son. You and your husband should take great pride in raising such a wonderful person. I enjoyed learning about how terrific he was to everyone he met and how smart and creative he was. Knowing you, I would expect no less. May God bless you all during this most difficult of times. My thoughts and prayers are with you and Cindy always.
Love,
Mary-Gwen
July 4, 2008 at 1:54 pm
Dear Jerry,
I am holding you and your family in my heart. I hope that the recognition of how many lives have been touched by your son can bring you all some sense of comfort as you try to come to a place of peace with this tragic accident.
May you be surrounded by those you love and who love you. I will send prayers for Cindy’s full recovery.
Beth
July 7, 2008 at 4:52 pm
Dear Sandy,
These words I have read about Steve are such a tribute to him but also to you: “smart, funny, curious, well-rounded, deeply aware”. and so deeply loved by so many. I know that nothing will ever truly comfort you for what you have lost but I want to say what a gift he was to the world, a gift that you, his mother, gave to the world.
I know you have a wide circle of support. Hold onto it. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.
Pamela ( ZTT)
July 11, 2008 at 1:10 pm
There hasn’t been a new comment now in a couple days and that makes me sad…I don’t know why…maybe because time has passed and people are starting to heal…maybe everyone who has internet access has written or already done something….but it makes me sad… I didn’t know Steve. I know his mother, not well, but I know her….and I’m just so sad about the world’s loss. I pray for Steve’s family and friends and for Cindy and I want everyone to know that another complete stranger cares and wishes there was something that she could do. God’s peace.
July 12, 2008 at 12:38 am
Dear Sandy,
We just learned of your family’s loss today. Although we did not know your son Steven he sounds like an exceptional person like his mother (intelligent, witty, funny, caring, etc.).
We wish for you and your family to be surrounded by people as empathetic, patient, caring, and supportive in your time of need as you were with our family in our time of need.
Illana, Michael, and Hannah
July 12, 2008 at 5:46 am
From Jerry Wolkoff:
California Highway Patrol is seeking more eyewitnesses to the
accident. There is no such thing as having too many eyewitnesses.
There are people visiting this site and the different blogs who
witnessed the accident that may have information that the Highway
Patrol does not have, and even if they have it, it can be helpful to
verify information.
Witnesses can call the California Highway Patrol at 650-369-6261 and
ask to be connected to the voice mail of Officer Arthur Montiel (he is
the lead investigator of the accident investigation). They should
leave their phone number and name and state that they are an
eyewitness to the accident and that they want Officer Montiel to call
back. He will return the call and take a statement over the phone.
If witnesses are not comfortable doing this they can contact Jerry
Wolkoff (Steve’s Dad) at jerrynmn1@aol.com
July 14, 2008 at 11:56 pm
Dear Sandy,
I was so sorry to hear about your son’s tragic accident. As a parent, there can be nothing worse. I extend to you and your family my deepest, loving sympathy. If I can ever be of any assistance to you, in any way please do not hesitate to contact me. My ongoing thoughts and prayers go out to you and your family.
Sincerely,
Lindi Nubel
July 15, 2008 at 12:35 am
Sandy, Jerry, Jessica, Mathew,
Where can i possibly begin…I am so sorry for your loss and I am honored to re-visit all of those memories that I had with Steven from such an early age. I am confident that Stevens footprints will provide you the strength to embrace his being, his experiences, and the unconditional love that exists amongst you all. Please don’t hesitate to reach out to me if there is anything I can do to help you during this process.
Love,
Seth
July 28, 2008 at 4:02 pm
To Steve’s Family & Friends,
I just heard the news and wanted to extend my sincere sympathies to you all. I had known Steve since elementary school and through high school, and while I will never accept how unfair it is for him to be taken so young, it is some solace to see, in your posts, how the kindness and sense of humor that Steve possessed (and I knew) as a child and young adult spread so far and touched so many. He will always be missed and remembered.
Bryan Lewis
July 30, 2008 at 11:10 pm
We grieve for Steve every day. We will miss everything about him. If we wrote God asking for the perfect man for Cindy, we couldn’t have asked for anything better than Steve Wolkoff.
August 21, 2008 at 4:58 pm
Steve’s family and Cindy, you have my deepest condolences.
It’s been a little while since this tragedy has occurred and just wanted to let you know still not a day goes by that I don’t think about Steve. I worked with him for a week while at Macromedia and while as as customer of his at Freewheel. Knowing Steve made me a better person. I will forever miss him.
September 20, 2008 at 10:05 pm
Hi Guys-
I am not sure if people know that this Tuesday, September 23 is Steven’s 31st birthday. We will all miss celebrating with him, seeing him, and being with him. Our Family is thinking about his birthday with much sadness and disbelief that Steven is gone forever.
Every year, I always called him up on his birthday and sang ( I cannot even remotely sing) way off key the Happy Birthday song to him. He would cringe, and then lovingly say “Thanks Dad”. We would talk a little and then I would say “I love you”, he would say, “I love you too dad”, and then I would do my famous “what”?, and he would say again “I love you too Dad”.
I don’t know what else to say, it is so painful and sad to ponder his birthday. Sandy, Jessica, Matthew, myself, Cindy and all of you are struggling to go on with our lives without Steven, yet we are unable to make any sense of what has happened. Yet here it is his birthday, what do we say and do?
We all welcome any thoughts or feelings from any of you to be posted here for what you want to share about what his upcoming birthday means to you. It is obviously a very difficult thing to put to words and I understand if you don’t know what to say-
REST IN PEACE MY SON STEVEN WOLKOFF-I AM SO SORRY- I LOVE YOU-DAD
September 23, 2008 at 5:14 am
HAPPY BIRTHDAY STEVE!
Its usually this time of year that we see you with the Pratt Crew for dude’s steak night or a UES ping pong tournament at Howie and Jaime’s. You really knew how to rock the swimming goggles and the “Dad’s V-neck” even if you did get knocked out in the early rounds.
We love you! We miss you!!
September 24, 2008 at 12:53 pm
My deepest sympothy to Jerry’ family.
September 24, 2008 at 7:06 pm
To Steve’s Loved Ones…
The tragic loss of your precious son, brother, best friend and life-partner will never be taken lightly nor forgotten, no matter how much time passes since that fateful accident. We cannot begin to fathom how painful it must be for you all – especially at this time. May treasured memories continue to sustain you, individually and collectively. Please know that our hearts are with you, now and always.
The Cummins
October 20, 2008 at 12:26 am
So many feelings and thoughts….but how can you say “sorry” when you helped create and foster this great person….I never knew him but you just have to look in his eyes and his face and see a peace we all crave. My thoughts are with you the living. Hope you take strength from all the people his and your lives have touched.
October 25, 2008 at 10:48 pm
Thank you every one for continuing to post your heartfelt feelings. We appreciate your sharing and keeping Steven’s memoery alive with your beautiful posts-Jerry
November 4, 2008 at 7:19 pm
10 years ago today Steve and I shared our first kiss. Steve was my everything.
My days began to the sound of his daily greeting of “good morning beautiful” and ended with me drifting off to sleep safe and warm in his arms.
I have this clear image of he and I the day before the accident, stomping down the 21st hill, hand in hand. Our gaze falls on each other as we both break into these smiles so big it feels as if our cheeks could burst and exclaim “we are SO lucky”. I still hold the feeling in my heart that I had at that moment, the love is still there.
Steve was the kind of man who’s existence gave reassurance to others that where were in fact good people out there. He was the Man many dreamed of finding and i was still amazed he was all mine.
When I first met Steve I was drawn to him because he seemed to be the most amazing person i had ever met. He remains that, the most amazing person I’ve ever met, and every year i would remind him of that on this day. The love we had didn’t need to be explained or spelled out, it simply radiated.
Our love was inspiring, most importantly to ourselves.
Steve challenged me to be the best I could. He could not have been prouder or have loved me more.
With Steve in my heart I knew i could do anything, i knew i was beautiful.
This love that remains in my heart propells me through this.
Steve and I built the most amazing family over the past 10 years and I have to say thank you to all. The love and support you all have shown is what has kept me going. Well the love, support and tales of Steve, those help too.
The visits, phone calls, packages and emails remind me that you all are still there, waiting to continue on with me.
Thank You.
As for my recovery Steve would be proud, in usual Cindy fashion I’m ahead of the curve, driven to push myself and mainly using my walker to get around. Being upright gives everything a whole new perspective for the new chapter that lies ahead.
Happy Anniversary Baby, all my love-c
November 4, 2008 at 7:21 pm
10 years ago today Steve and I shared our first kiss. Steve was my everything.
My days began to the sound of his daily greeting of “good morning beautiful” and ended with me drifting off to sleep safe and warm in his arms.
I have this clear image of he and I the day before the accident, stomping down the 21st hill, hand in hand. Our gaze falls on each other as we both break into these smiles so big it feels as if our cheeks could burst and exclaim “we are SO lucky”. I still hold the feeling in my heart that I had at that moment, the love is still there.
Steve was the kind of man who’s existence gave reassurance to others that where were in fact good people out there. He was the Man many dreamed of finding and i was still amazed he was all mine.
When I first met Steve I was drawn to him because he seemed to be the most amazing person i had ever met. He remains that, the most amazing person I’ve ever met, and every year i would remind him of that on this day. The love we had didn’t need to be explained or spelled out, it simply radiated.
Our love was inspiring, most importantly to ourselves.
Steve challenged me to be the best I could. He could not have been prouder or have loved me more.
With Steve in my heart I knew i could do anything, i knew i was beautiful.
This love that remains in my heart propells me through this.
Steve and I built the most amazing family over the past 10 years and I have to say thank you to all. The love and support you all have shown is what has kept me going. Well the love, support and tales of Steve, those help too.
The visits, phone calls, packages and emails remind me that you all are still there, waiting to continue on with me.
Thank You.
As for my recovery Steve would be proud, in usual Cindy fashion I’m ahead of the curve, driven to push myself and mainly using my walker to get around. Being upright gives everything a whole new perspective for the new chapter that lies ahead.
Happy Anniversary Baby, all my love-c
December 21, 2008 at 10:04 pm
It is six months, and feels like six days. I know that for Cindy,Steven’s absence is felt daily, if not hourly, and I know he misses her, too.
I miss him also. I miss the sweet baby, the delicious toddler, the precocious preschooler, the joyful ten year old, the gangly teenager, the worried college student, the young man who knew to work hard and play hard. I miss how much I had left to learn about him, and from him, about taking chances, finding pleasure, feeling confident.
I miss talking to him, about books, articles, politics, work, philosophers I was learning about in school. I miss talking to him about learning the new roles and expectations of mother and adult child.
I lost out on finishing the transition, when we finally could first start to make fun of ourselves, our weaknesses, craziness, and gifts. I saw him for lunch at the Millenium Hotel on Broadway just three weeks before the accident. He treated, we talked non-stop and it was great even though I knew I was being dumped soon since he was off to see Coop at his office across the street.
I remember the soft cotton pajamas, the first trick or treats of those cold Halloweens, the impatience when he couldn’t find a pair of shoes that felt right on his feet, the awful pain of chicken pox as a teenager. I loved driving him to and from SUNY Albany the first couple of years–stolen time.
I am glad that he told me he knew he was lucky, that he was happy, that his family was crazy but he knew how deeply he was loved.
This life that stopped too short, too sudden, too painful, is a parent’s worst nightmare that has now become my everyday. I hope that he lives on the memories of others as a really smart, funny, gentle, irreverent, intellectual, tender, musical, strong man who loved a good drink, a good joke, good music, and the cleverness of those he kept close to him. He was born knowing how to love and laugh and I miss that the most, for all of us.
Sandy Wolkoff
January 28, 2009 at 8:26 pm
Thought of Steve again today. As succinctly as I can, I miss my friend.
February 3, 2009 at 8:17 pm
i dont know steve…
i’m sorry for the loss of a dear…
strength and courage …
February 28, 2009 at 1:10 am
This says it All about Steven and My Feelings!
Dirge Without Music
By Edna St. Vincent Millay
I am not resigned to the shutting away of loving hearts in the hard ground.
So it is, and so it will be, for so it has been, time out of mind:
Into the darkness they go, the wise and the lovely. Crowned
With lilies and with laurel they go; but I am not resigned.
Lovers and thinkers, into the earth with you.
Be one with the dull, the indiscriminate dust.
A fragment of what you felt, of what you knew,
A formula, a phrase remains — but the best is lost.
The answers quick and keen, the honest look, the laughter, the love, They are gone. They have gone to feed the roses. Elegant and curled Is the blossom. Fragrant is the blossom. I know. But I do not approve.
More precious was the light in your eyes than all the roses in the world.
Down, down, down into the darkness of the grave
Gently they go, the beautiful, the tender, the kind;
Quietly they go, the intelligent, the witty, the brave.
I know. But I do not approve. And I am not resigned.
May 12, 2009 at 11:34 am
I’ve pulled up a PDF today which Steve had authored for Adobe in 2005. Unfortunately I never met Steve but we’ve exchanged many emails (I gave him a lot of criticism for the initial FMS2 licensing – to which he listened and acted upon) and found him to be always polite, helpful and an all-round great guy. I miss him.
June 23, 2009 at 5:22 pm
This past sunday, June 21st was the 1st anniversary of Steven’s death. It was a particularly painful day for my whole family, and our agony will continue forever. It was also the first day of summer, a time of the year that Steven loved and will never experience again. We all miss him every day, and I just will never understand, why him? I cannot comprehend that he is gone and while our vivid memories of Steven are truly a gift, we miss him beyond comprehension.
Please continue to remember Steven forever.
July 13, 2009 at 3:08 am
Indeed, just paying second respects one year on and wanted to revisit the sentiments on this page…
September 20, 2009 at 6:08 pm
This Wednesday, September 23, 2009 is Steven’s birthday, he would have been 32 years old. It is inconceivable and beyond painful that he is dead and is not here with us. Please take a moment if you wish, now on a quiet Sunday, AND on Wednesday to think of Steven, to remember him, and to in your own way stop for a minute and recognize him. If you want, you can post your thoughts and or feeling at this Memorial web page, but most importantly, just remember Steven and never forget him. I love you Steven and miss you so very much. I love you. Dad.
August 17, 2020 at 6:30 am
My heart goes out to you and your family Jerry.. Forever a part of me, Steven has been on my mind quite a bit lately, so I wanted to be sure and let you know that your Son has not been forgotten. I wish i could have known him!!
September 23, 2009 at 2:43 pm
To Steven,
Thoughts of you on your 32nd birthday. I wanted to leave this message here as this is where many post messages of you. Your dad, reminds me of these special days and i have told him I think of you often. I never met you, but through your dad, I have begun to know you and all about you. I wanted your family to know, this day does not go forgotten. You will live on in those who love you, never to be forgotten. Never…
Warm thoughts,
Lynne
September 23, 2009 at 7:47 pm
My Family mourns Steven’s loss and we think of Jerry, Sandy, Matthew, and Jessica very much. We also think of Steven.
We have listened to some of his bands music at http://whatxis.com/
I wanted to share as a musician what I felt listening to the music on Steve’s Birthday in his honor.
In a more philosophical vein, I see Steven’s music like a song, that all this which “matters” should be recorded for posterity as we all move on.
Yes, the human life is a song. It can be long or short. It can be flat and boring or streaming and erupting. Some of those songs need to be recorded and some of them don’t. Steve’s life song is definitely deserves to be saved and continued.
I didn’t know Steve much when he was alive, but now when I keep reading all these writings of other people about him I feel like I do know him better. It’s like reading the book of his life. It is so sad that he had to die for this book to be written and the song of his life to be recorded. But now these records keep him alive.
When I listen to his music recordings I find the music priceless, that Steve’s bass is never excessive. At the same time it is sufficient enough to create a solid foundation for the whole music structure. His great skills are very noticeable. Sure it takes talent and a lot of practice to be able to play so metronomic. At the same time his ability to go against the rhythm and syncopate is very impressive. There was much chemistry between the drums and bass.
I saw the video with Steve’s business presentation, but for some strange reason listening to the music records made him sound alive more then video image. When I listen to that music I unintentionally visualize hands and fingers of the player. I can see his fingers gliding over the strings and striking them and then my imagination conclude the picture with the whole stature of the bass player. I do not see all the details of his face but it is not even necessary for the picture to be complete. Thanks for keeping alive Steven’s life song.
We will always remember Steven and your Family.
Love -Guerman , Irina Vainblat & Family
September 24, 2009 at 4:09 am
We miss you, Steve. Here’s a late wishes for you to have a peaceful birth in the heaven. Never forget the days and experience worked w you. You will be glad to see what FW achieve today based on your brilliant efforts. Friends and collegues from FreeWheel BJ office.
March 20, 2010 at 6:40 pm
Dear Steven-
I think of you on this beautiful 1st day of Spring and how you would love this weather.You are not here to feel it, experience the beauty, and live your life. It would be wonderful to see you,talk to you, tell you again how proud you make me feel, and to just be with you. I miss you so very much and I will always love you. Not a moment goes by that I don’t think of YOU, what was, what is, and what could have been. Steven, you were an amazing son, a gifted, talented, unique human being, so very intelligent, always thinking, learning, who could teach himself how to do anything. Your infinite abilities, the incalculable manner in which you positively affected so many people is such a rare combination. I will never accept that you are gone forever and don’t understand why your precious life ended so young and tragically. In my heart and soul, I will never forget you. I hope that you are at peace now. I LOVE YOU-Dad
June 17, 2010 at 5:08 am
Dear Steven:
I did not have the pleasure to meet you , but I just meet you soul trough your parents whom a barely know , but we are members of our exclusive club, I am on the same group of people who lost our life when we lost our children you are and angel like my little angel and I hope you enjoy your wings of freedom of pain and Im sure you are always with us, I can’t say words and I never found some to confort myself, but your love keeps your family on their feet and I’m really happy to know you even on this circumstances because I know for sure you send strenght to your family every single day, My heart is always with you family and I’m very please to meet you guys always on my thoughts
June 21, 2010 at 5:19 am
Today, June 21, 2010 is the second anniversary of Steven’s tragic death. If you can, please take a moment now to remember who Steven was and how deeply he is missed by each of us.
The last time I spoke to Steven, was on the phone,
Tuesday evening, June 17 , 2008.
I didn’t know that moment was going to be our last.
The last time I would talk to you, and hear your beautiful voice.
The last time I would tell you that I loved you, and hear you say “I love you too dad”. Strong and so real, so vibrant and alive.
A smiling face, with twinkling eyes, your special smile, my fine young man, my oldest child.The shattered remnant of my heart with holes so black and fathomless no light can ever fill. I am and will be in shock forever.
My three children are my life. It is almost impossible for me to face each day, except for the love of Jessica and Matthew still in my heart to keep me strong.
Time has passed before me, so bleak and dark and long, the wind that whispers through the trees, the brightest star at night, the rain on a dismal day, my endless dreams, nightmares, the constant thoughts, hearing the door bell ringing, seeing the 2 Nassau County Policeman at my door at 4 AM asking me politely if they could come inside, no eye contact from them, I knew and asked them “which one of my children”, their response “do you have a son Steven living in San Francisco, he was killed in a car collision”. That moment is frozen in my mind, repeating itself endlessly almost every waking and sleeping moment of my life.
The tragic death of Steven was caused by stupid, senseless acts. Every day, each night, my mind is focused on the highway at the collision, looking at Steven’s face while he is alive and then later, he is dead, covered by a yellow tarp on the highway, with his right arm sticking out from under the tarp.
The collision seems less a random act, and more determined, by a series of factors, not so benign, each one a contributing cause of my son’s death.
Steven was killed not by accident, but by horribly connected actions, and inactions, of many others, each building on the impact of the other. Steven’s death began when distinct acts of design and error grew to become the chaos of negligence.
Steven was killed because of a poorly designed highway, outmoded, dangerously engineered for the volume of the Saturday traffic, moving slowly or quickly, to pass or turn.
Steven was killed by the lack of highway signage and the carelessness of a local community program, having a gathering, unaware that their visitors, were parking, turning, clogging this already too narrow stretch of road.
Steven was killed by a 21 year old drug impaired driver, who did not even have a driver’s license, an illegal alien. His danger to others not in his thoughts, but mostly I think he just didn’t care about the effects of his irresponsible actions on Steven.
Steven was killed by an army of first responders, Paramedics, Emergency Medical Technicians, Police, Firefighters, and Park Rangers, etc., busy littering the highway with equipment, while they tried to look busy and important.
Steven courageously lived for about an hour after the collision while multiple systems of rescue professionals failed to get my son to the hospital and were unable to properly provide a minimum standard of the medical skills that they were trained to perform.
The first responders missed his airway, suffocating him, vital oxygen crushing against his heart, lungs and diaphragm, taking his breath away, and horrifically killing him.
The responder’s mission, to stabilize Steven for triage care at the Hospital, failed, lost in a few hundred square feet of disorder, with no one in charge, no one leading, standing, telling, helping, shouting, or recognizing the obvious signs of their medical errors.
My son Steven was killed by carelessness, thoughtlessness, and negligence on the part of multiple entities and individuals.
A gifted, talented, precious, irreplaceable, meaningful life was stolen from all of us who loved him deeply, because of the actions of so many who, each in their own way, miserably failed to anticipate and recognize that the consequences of their actions and inactions, benign and not, destroyed Steven’s life.
I promise you Steven that we are doing our very best to obtain justice and accountability for you, in having had your life stolen from you.
My heart is broken, my Steven is gone, and we will mourn forever.
My first-born son, my Steven Nathaniel Wolkoff, so cruelly taken from us at the age of 30 years old.
Steven, I am sorry that I wasn’t there to protect you.
I am sorry that it was you and not me.
I never said goodbye.
I will always remember you.
Rest In Peace, my Precious son. Love-Dad
July 23, 2010 at 2:15 am
I am reminded of Steve today, as I reflect on the loss of another young man who lost his life too soon. I went to school with Steve, and lived just a few doors down from him freshman year. He was, as others have noted, one of the smartest and one of the funniest. A style all his own.
My heart goes out to Mr. Wolkoff and family – your recent postings have caused tears to stream down my cheeks this evening. I pray that peace may come to you.
September 23, 2010 at 4:28 am
Steven my precious first born son, today September 23, 2010 would have been your 33rd birthday, instead it is a day of sadness, feelings of what might have been and how very much we miss you. I remember your wonderful birthdays, the gifts that I bought you, and always that special smile on your face. It has been almost 3 years since I have seen you, kissed and hugged you, an eternity. I hold you in my heart and soul every day and never forget how much I love you. How can this be that you are gone forever, never to be alive again? How can it be that I will never see, feel, and speak to you again? Never hear your voice saying, “Dad, I love you too”. You are gone, only your spirit and memories remain, for that I am grateful to still have. I am so sorry, you did not deserve any of this and yet it happened, I cannot fix it, protect you, or understand why you? My heart is broken. Love-Dad
February 3, 2011 at 2:36 am
I learned about your passing through your dad, a man I respect greatly. His description of you and his words touched my soul so deeply, I cried and mourned your loss as if I knew you myself. I’ve never even met your dad face to face, but I know he loves you and misses you immensely. May you rest in peace. Please watch over us from heaven and if you find our fallen hero Sgt. Nick Aleman, let him know we miss him too. The people who love you will keep your memory alive forever
March 1, 2011 at 1:39 am
It’s nearly three years since this tragic accident and I only found out about it today.
I was Steve’s high school journalism teacher. He was my student 16 years ago. Some students you don’t remember. Some you never forget.
Steve is a student who is strong in my memory. I can see him sitting in the back of my class, laughing. He laughed often, easily. I remember trying to motivate him to write an article.
He was a kid, a happy, bright kid. He enjoyed life. I couldn’t motivate him as easily as I could some others. Then one day I succeeded in getting him to write something.
This was the lead of that piece: “It was a script written in Hollywood: star runner suffers terrible injury, undergoes a risky operation, fights through pain, shocks everyone by coming back early, then runs faster than he ever has before…”
The article won a first place award in a state-wide journalism contest. It was the first first-place article of one of my students. There have been many more. I don’t remember all of them. You always remember the first.
For years I showed that piece to students, as an example of a great piece of writing.
I still teach journalism at Wantagh High School. I’m one of the older teachers there. When I heard about this today I felt a terrible sadness. I remember Steve and express my sorrow to his family and friends.
May 29, 2011 at 4:12 am
We know the story about this song “Broken Wings” by Mr. Mister and your “discussion” about it. This makes us think of you and how proud we are of your passion when it came to anything you believed in.We dedicate it forever to you Steven.Love-Dad.
June 21, 2011 at 2:05 am
Dear Steven: Today June 21, 2011 marks the day you were killed, three long years ago. It feels so much longer in time to be without you. I miss you and love you very much. I see you everywhere I am, in the faces, sounds of other young men. I hear you outside my window, in the pictures of you on my wall, you are everywhere I am. I keep expecting to hear your voice on the phone when it rings, to see you at the door to our house, bounding down the stairs, saying “hi dad, I love you too, dad”.
I remember everything we did together as father and son as if it were yesterday. You gave me so much love, caring, and goodness. You were so special. Steven you were the love of my life.Thank You my precious Steven.
I remain in a constant state of frozen shock, this wasn’t supposed to happen. There will never be closure, no healing, this is not possible, for you are no more.
You cannot be dead, gone forever, never will we meet again. The other night I awoke from a nightmare where I imagined you were dead. I forced myself out of that nightmare to wake up. For a few seconds, I smiled as I thought it was only a bad nightmare, and you are really alive. I was so happy momentarily, then I realized that the nightmare is real, you are dead.
This cannot be, but it is, Why, Why you?
I weep for you- Where are you my Steven? Lost forever- How can this be? Love Dad
June 21, 2011 at 7:19 am
Who, What, Why, Where, When….. No one knows, yes 30 years is a short time for a life, but after reading the above comments I truly believe that Steven lived and loved, and was loved his whole life to the fullest. I read your kadish and I too am sorry, sorry you and I lost touch, sorry I never had the chance to meet Steven Wolkoff, but through you, his mother, brother, sister, friends and accomplishments, Steven Nathaniel Wolkoff will live on in the memory and soul of everybody he touched. For you my friend “I am sorry” you had to write the “kadish.” “I am sorry” for your hurt and hope someday your pain will be less severe. When my father died, I cried until I couldn’t cry anymore and then a wonderful thing happened to me, when the crying stopped the good memories took over. This is my hope for you and everyone who mourns Steven.
June 21, 2011 at 1:20 pm
I have written a mourners Kaddish for Steven from me on my Blog. Click on the link below:
http://jerrywolkoff.blogspot.com
June 21, 2011 at 1:32 pm
After hearing of this remarkable young man during a customer service call, I felt compelled to find out more about this creative soul. I am moved by the amount of people who were fortunate enough to have known him and saddened that I has not one of them. As I said before I heard of him during a customer service call and for that call I am forever grateful, because I have learned that life is to short not to do the things you truly enjoy. One most be responsible and accountable for self happiness.
September 7, 2011 at 5:19 pm
I’m so saddened to hear about your son and that his promising young life was ended. RIP, Steve.
September 7, 2011 at 6:43 pm
Dear wind in the mirror,
I don’t know who you are but thank you for your kind thoughts. Thank you for visiting this website and seeing how amazing he was, how much he did in his short time and letting his family and friends know that Steven still touches people’s lives.
Sandy Wolkoff
September 7, 2011 at 9:39 pm
Dear Enigma-
Thank you for your taking the time to read about Steven and sharing your caring thoughts about how much of a painful loss we have all suffered in losing him. Steven was an amazing person who touched many lives in a positive way.
September 23, 2011 at 1:27 am
Dear Steven:
Today, September 23, 2011 is your 34th birthday.
It has been 3 and a half years since you were killed.
I remember when you were born and the magical, feelings of being there, watching you, my first child, as you breathed life as part of the miraculous moments of birth. I remember the happy times we all had being together as a family, experiencing the precious baby, child, teenager, and man you became.
I remember how you always asked me as a child to tell you a story before going to sleep, in particular you wanted to hear story’s about my own childhood. No sooner did I finish the story, you would lovingly say to me “tell me the story again”. I remember so much more, I will never forget you, and the unique love we shared as son and father.
I remember how proud you always made me feel that you were more than any father could ever want in a son.
I miss you more than anything I can say in words. I love you more than anything can describe that I feel. It was 30 years of love and happiness that you gave to all of your family. You taught me how to love and the meaning of what is important about life.
You will never be 34, never be all that you would have become in embracing a full life if you had been allowed to live.
The brutal reality is that every single day and night you are not here, and I am sorry for your life being stolen from you, that you cannot feel the sun, rain, snow, air, laughter, be with those you love, and enjoy the simple every day experiences of life.
I hope you feel no fear, no pain any more, that you are not lost, or alone, and I often wonder if you are here, in some way your soul still living, perhaps the red Robin that often perches on the tree limb outside of my window, or in the wind as it touches my face. I want to comfort you, touch you, talk to you, there is so much catching up to do, but none of this is possible.
I think of you almost all the time. I see your face everywhere, I hear your voice all the time as young men come and go and it is as if you were just with me, my hugging you and kissing your cheeks.
I think of you when I hear the song “Tears In Heaven”, it makes me wonder, ask unanswered questions, and sometimes cry. I dedicate it to you, forever, my beloved first born, my Stevie.
The pain of your death gets worse every day that goes by. There is no Steven to touch anymore. I know this was not how it was meant to be. In this part of life we were all supposed to be smiling. Steven should be with his family, friends, loved ones, at the ballgame. He should be across the table at holidays, eating, blowing out the candles on his birthday cake. He should be living, not being written about being dead.
I miss you so very much as only a parent who has lost a child can describe of an emptiness, feelings that never goes away, of the deepest, darkest, most painful hole inside our gut.
I said it often to you, that I LOVE YOU STEVEN, and you ALWAYS responded to me ” I LOVE YOU TOO DAD”.
I so miss the words, the feelings, the hello’s and the goodbye’s. I never knew that you would not return, that it was the last time we would see each other, talk on on the phone, and say the words of our love. It breaks my heart.
I LOVE YOU STEVEN but there is no response anymore. Love-Dad.
June 29, 2012 at 10:30 pm
To the parents of Steven,
I stumbled upon this webpage, saw the picture of your son and started to read your comments. I can’t even imagine the pain you feel inside! I can’t stop crying…my heart is breaking for you! I am grateful to have read your words about how you loved your son because I am a mother of 4 young children and I am having difficulty enjoying time with them and playing with them and just snuggling with them…life seems so busy and overwhelming!
Tomorrow and every day after, I will make time to do the things I want to do with my children. Thank you for reminding me to cherish my children EVERY day!
I am so sorry that your heart aches everyday for Steven! I hope you both find peace very soon!
June 30, 2012 at 12:43 am
Dear Kristen- I don’t know who you are but the feelings expressed in your comment have had a deep impact on me. I appreciate your understanding that Steven and our family have suffered a horrific loss that will never allow us to live in peace, there will never be closure. I cherish the 2 children I still have and am grateful every day for them being a central part of my life. Life is unpredictable and we all need to prioritize what is important for us to focus on. Our children are the legacy that we leave on this earth and there is only a limited time that we have to be a part of their lives. It is comforting to know that something good can come out of the tragic loss of my son Steven when a parent such as yourself realizes the importance of making themselves available to spend more time to be with their children. Tell your children every day how much you love them, cherish , feel, teach, and learn how irreplaceable your children are. Never think that losing a child happens only to ”other families”. It happened to us, and will sadly happen to many others like us who never ever imagined burying their own child. No parent should have to bury their child but it happens all the time, every day and night. Take nothing for granted and live each day making your kids a central part of your life. The willingness in your sharing personal feelings within you that were evoked by my above post recognizes the pain, suffering of our family. We will never forget our beloved Steven Nathaniel Wolkoff, but he is gone forever. We will always have wonderful memories of the great times spent with him as a young child and young brilliant man. People such as yourself can also keep his memory alive by learning from our tragedy the importance of their own kids. As Steven’s father, I thank you for caring-Jerry Wolkoff
December 19, 2011 at 2:30 pm
Dear Steven:
I miss you so very much. Usually at this holidays time of the year you would be visiting here and I would be so excited to see you, hear you, talk, share our lives, and hug you. It was always a time of happiness and my being proud of seeing, feeling how special you were in embracing every different part that your life offered. It was a particular time of the year that was always about our love and family, with seeing you being one of the best gifts I received.You were an amazing son, a man of genius, and filled with a constant stream of ideas, plans, results, and goodness. Tomorrow night is the first evening of Chanukah. I have continued the family tradition and will be lighting the Chanukah candles, using the same Menorah, my prayer book from when I was a kid, and as we always did, dripping 5 drops of candle wax, one for each of us, on the same prayer book page that we have done since time began for us. You are in my mind many times every day and night. I will never be able to express how deeply I love you and miss you. I often wonder about how wonderful our lives would be if you were still here, alive, filled with all the wonderful things that made you Steven Nathaniel Wolkoff. It was not meant to be, I will never understand why you had to die, that you are dead, gone forever. We will never see each other again, never be together, it’s all gone, you are no more. I cry for you as these feelings are being written. You deserved so much better in life. We will always remember who you are. I love you. Love-Dad
June 21, 2012 at 9:17 am
Thursday, June 21, 2012
THE HEADSTONE IN A CEMETERY NEVER LIES
STEVEN NATHANIEL WOLKOFF
SEPTEMBER 23, 1977- JUNE 21, 2008
BELOVED SON, BROTHER,GRANDSON,
NEPHEW, COUSIN, CHERISHED LOVE
GOOD FRIEND
GENTLY THEY GO,
THE BEAUTIFUL,
THE TENDER, THE KIND
FOREVER IN OUR HEARTS
Today is the fourth year of the horrific day, June 21, 2008, that you were cruelly killed at the age of 30, your life brutally stolen from you, your family, friends, me.
I cannot believe that my son Steven lies buried in a grave so young, me dreaming of things that he was and might have been.
I never said the traditional Mourners Kaddish prayer for Steven because it’s words are meaningless to me.
I wrote my own Kaddish for Steven because his pain and loss need to be honestly described in real words, that accurately reflect my true feelings.
STEVEN NATHANIEL WOLKOFF’S MOURNERS KADDISH :
Steven Nathaniel Wolkoff, Shmuel Nacham BenYaakov, Samuel Nathan, Son of Jerry.
September 23, 1977- June 21, 2008
I am sorry that you are dead.
I am sorry you suffered so painfully, on that awful day, as you fought to stay alive.
I am sorry for the agony you felt, I see it in your eyes, face, and body from horrific evidence photos.
I am sorry for the fear, terror, unimaginable pain you felt in fighting for your life, as they killed you. I know the truth of your courage in being able to fight so bravely.
I am sorry for you because you were not killed by accident, but instead by the senseless, stupid, careless, actions of so many others who could have saved your life, but instead, each in their own way, miserably failed you that day, never realizing or even considering taking responsibility or accountability for the consequences of their actions, inactions, indifference, and incompetence.
I am sorry you died not due to fate, nor randomly, but were instead killed by the cascading chaos of connected, dysfunctional, defective entities and others, all who caused your preventable death.
I am sorry for you about the DUI, drug impaired, unlicensed driver, speeding out of control, who didn’t care about your life.
I am sorry about the inept, credentialed, qualified medical first responders who had no idea, not a clue, of what they were doing medically to you as they killed you.
I am sorry for you, that cowards who know the truth, but have no conscience to speak, remain silent, lie, omit, and cover up the facts that they all contributed to killing you.
I am sorry for those whose toxic evil allowed them to desecrate your body in death and refuse to take accountability for their violation of your body, your soul.
I am sorry that you died in spite of the true facts that show you should be alive today.
I am sorry for the evil ones who have tried to defame you and erase you ever lived.
I am sorry that life is so cheap and yours has no value to those who killed you.
I am sorry that the Legal system is weak, corrupt and I have not been able to obtain real justice for you.
I am sorry for my failing as your father to keep you from dying.
I am sorry you did not leave the beach 1 second earlier or later to return home.
I am sorry that I was not there to protect you.
I am sorry that I was not there that day to comfort you, hold you, ease your pain.
I am sorry that I don’t know the last thoughts in your mind before you died.
I am sorry that you died alone, with strangers, and no one even held your hand.
I am sorry that you died lying on a hot highway pavement in a place unfamiliar, in the middle of nowhere.
I am sorry that no one had the decency to cover your right arm and both feet as you lay dead under the blue tarp.
I am sorry the medvac trauma helicopter was delayed in arriving there by 4 minutes, too late to stop the first responders from touching you.
I am sorry that I was not even able to protect your dignity in death.
I am sorry that your soul and body were desecrated in death.
I am sorry that it was you and not me.
I am sorry that I had to bury you and that you didn’t bury me first, as it should be.
I am sorry you cannot cry.
I am sorry you cannot scream.
I am sorry you cannot laugh.
I am sorry you cannot smile.
I am sorry you cannot feel.
I am sorry you cannot talk.
I am sorry you cannot breathe.
I am sorry you are silent forever.
I am sorry you are deep inside a cold, dark grave, rotting away, alone.
I am sorry you are blind and will never see again.
I am sorry you will never experience the rest of your life, nor remember the wonderful life you had until that final second before you died.
I am sorry you will never be able to realize your dreams.
I am sorry you will never feel the joy of being a father, husband , uncle, grandfather, great grandfather.
I am sorry you will never have another birthday.
I am sorry you will never again feel the experiences and potential of your incredibly gifted skills.
I am sorry you will never again be happy.
I am sorry you will never again feel the warmth of the sun.
I am sorry you will never again feel the wind on your face.
I am sorry you will never again feel the rain, snow, water.
I am sorry you will never again listen to music.
I am sorry you will never again play music on your Fender bass guitar.
I am sorry that you will never again enjoy reading books.
I am sorry you will never again ride your bike.
I am sorry you will never again play Ultimate Frisbee.
I am sorry you will never again play softball.
I am sorry you will never again play basketball.
I am sorry you will never again swim.
I am sorry you will never again be able to express your kindness and caring for others.
I am sorry you will never again explore your genius ideas that changed technology.
I am sorry you will never again experience the excitement of your life.
I am sorry you will never again be creative with your ideas, hands, and brain.
I am sorry you will never again discuss with passion the things that you believe in.
I am sorry you will never again write, expressing the magical beauty of your words.
I am sorry that you will never again feel love. Never.
I am sorry that you will never again be with those close to you now and in the future.
I am sorry for you that life is unfair.
I am sorry because you didn’t deserve this to happen to you.
I am sorry for you that there is no answer to ” WHY, WHY YOU”?
I am sorry for you that there is no god.
I am sorry for you that there is no heaven, just a dark, cold grave.
I am sorry that you cannot rest in peace.
I am sorry that you cannot wake up from this nightmare, that all this is real, irreversible, final.
I am sorry for you that time has stopped forever.
I am sorry that some people have forgotten about you.
I am sorry that the world said nothing, heard nothing, saw nothing about the injustices done to you.
I am sorry for everything that I forgot to say now, or cannot and did not say here.
I am sorry for YOU because you are not here, you are NO MORE on this earth.
More than anything, I am sorry that you didn’t have a chance to say goodbye.
I will always honor you, remember you, miss you, keep you in my heart, preserve your memory in lovingly telling future generations about you, and love you forever. Your brother, sister, mother, family, and others who love you, will do the same. We will never forget YOU, never stop loving you, our precious beloved Steven. NEVER.
Steven, I can only say, I am SORRY, SORRY, I am so SORRY.
אָמֵן. Love, Dad.
June 21, 2012 at 12:02 pm
It’s difficult to believe that four years have passed since that horrific multi-car crash that stole your precious son from your family. It’s an accident that nearly happened to my husband and me just minutes before. I will never forget that fateful afternoon. I continue to be haunted by the images and sequence of events that remain crystal clear to me. I will forever regret that I did not follow through with my desire and instinct to hold Steven’s hand as I observed his life in jeopardy. My heart goes out to Steven’s family as you continue to endure the pain of that senseless tragedy. May cherished memories of the extraordinary young man you brought into this world provide some comfort on this sad anniversary.
With deepest sympathy,
Donna Cummins
September 4, 2012 at 7:45 pm
To the parents of Steven,
I stumbled upon this webpage, saw the picture of your son and started to read
your comments. I can’t even imagine the pain you feel inside! I can’t stop
crying…my heart is breaking for you! I am grateful to have read your words
about how you loved your son because I am a mother of 4 young children and I am
having difficulty enjoying time with them and playing with them and just
snuggling with them…life seems so busy and overwhelming!
Tomorrow and every day after, I will make time to do the things I want to do
with my children. Thank you for reminding me to cherish my children EVERY day!
I am so sorry that your heart aches everyday for Steven! I hope you both find
peace very soon!
September 5, 2012 at 10:45 am
I love the symphonic composition your friend wrote as a tribute to your beloved son Jerry. It was very moving. I assume that the high school is the same one that Steven attended?
Hugs, Donna
September 5, 2012 at 1:01 pm
Donna-Yes Wantagh H.S. is the same one that Steven attended years ago and he was also in the H.S. band there, so it has a great deal of meaning that they premiered the composition besides the extremely moving heartfelt feelings when listening to the music, knowing it is a tribute forever in his memory of this original composition dedicated to Steven Nathaniel Wolkoff.
September 23, 2012 at 12:56 am
My first born son Steven Nathaniel Wolkoff was born on September 23,1977. He was horrifically killed by the negligence and indifference of others at the age of 30 on June 21, 2008.
Today, September 23, 2012 is Steven’s birthday, he would have been 35 years young today. Instead he is dead and there will be no birthday cake or candles for him to celebrate.
The only candle lit will be the perpetual candle that burns forever in the front window of my home. I will also light a Yahtzeit candle which is supposed to be used only to mark the anniversary of a death. I will light it anyway as a memorial to the memory of his life.
Those whose evil acts killed Steven, those who stole his young life from him, those who have prevented justice to be given for the taking of his life, those who have tried to erase that Steven ever lived, those who cruelly tortured, caused him to suffer pain beyond ones imagination, those who desecrated his body, those who have deliberately lied or remained silent in telling the truth in order to protect their jobs, you are all guilty, and one day will be judged by what you have or have not done.
Today as every other day I mourn the loss of my son Steven Nathaniel Wolkoff, all that he was, and all that he could have been. I miss you so very much Steven and there is so much for us to share with each other that can never happen.
Your family will never forget you and we continue to be left stunned and grieving that we will never see you ever again.
I am sorry that there is no way for me to ease your pain and release you from the eternity of death. All I can do is kiss you good night for another year my son Steven.
I love you. Dad
December 21, 2012 at 3:15 am
TIME IT WAS, AND WHAT A TIME IT WAS
REST IN PEACE STEVEN
Time it was, and what a time it was,
it was A time of innocence,
a time of confidences
Long ago, it must be,
I have a photograph
Preserve your memories,
they’re all that’s left of you.
We had to let go of another piece of you this week Steven, but not a moment goes by that you are always remembered, missed and loved.
Love-Dad
June 21, 2013 at 12:57 am
FRIDAY, JUNE 21, 2013
STEVEN NATHANIEL WOLKOFF
SEPTEMBER 23, 1977- JUNE 21, 2008
BELOVED SON, BROTHER,GRANDSON,
NEPHEW, COUSIN, CHERISHED LOVE
GOOD FRIEND
GENTLY THEY GO,
THE BEAUTIFUL,
THE TENDER, THE KIND
FOREVER IN OUR HEARTS
The Headstone in a Cemetery Never Lies.Today is the anniversary of the fifth year of an eternity in agony for all of us, marking the horrific day, June 21, 2008, that you, Steven Nathaniel Wolkoff, were cruelly killed at the age of 30, your life brutally stolen from you, your family, friends, me.
In my mind Steven is so real, alive, and for a second, he seems to actually be here.
I cannot believe that my son Steven lies buried in a grave so young, me dreaming of things that he was and might have been.
I never said the traditional Mourners Kaddish prayer for Steven because it’s words are meaningless to me.
I wrote my own Kaddish for Steven because his pain and loss need to be honestly described in real words, that accurately reflect my true feelings.
STEVEN NATHANIEL WOLKOFF’S MOURNERS KADDISH
Steven Nathaniel Wolkoff, Shmuel Nacham Ben Yaakov, (Samuel Nathan, Son of Jerry).
September 23, 1977- June 21, 2008
I am sorry that you are dead.
I am sorry you suffered so painfully, on that awful day, as you fought to stay alive.
I am sorry for the agony you felt, I see it in your eyes, face, and body from the horrific evidence photos. I see and feel it in my endless nightmares.
I am sorry for the fear, terror, unimaginable pain you felt in fighting for your life, as they killed you. I know the truth of your courage in being able to fight so bravely.
I am sorry for you because you were not killed by accident, but instead by the senseless, stupid, careless, actions of so many others who could have saved your life, but instead, each in their own way, miserably failed you that day, never realizing or even considering taking responsibility, or accountability for the consequences of their actions, inactions, indifference, and incompetence.
I am sorry you died not due to fate, nor randomly, but were instead killed by the cascading chaos of connected, dysfunctional, defective entities and others, all who caused your preventable death.
I am sorry about the inept, licensed, qualified, medical first responders who had no idea, not a clue, of what they were doing medically to you as they killed you. They have no consciences and lied to hide how they murdered you in cold blood.
I am sorry for you, that so many corrupt, ugly cowards of evil, who have evidence of the truth, but have no conscience to speak up, remain silent, lie, omit, refuse to come forward to admit their responsibility in covering up the true facts that all contributed to killing you.
I am sorry for those whose toxic evil allowed all of the above to be done to you and escaped from being held accountable for participating in your death.
I am sorry that your soul and body were desecrated in death.
I am sorry for the wicked hideous ones who desecrated your body in death and refuse to take accountability for their violation of your body, your soul.
I am sorry that it has taken us five years to finally successfully legally force the spiteful, hateful San Mateo County Coroner to shortly release your final remains to us for proper burial.
I am sorry that you died in spite of the true facts that show you should be alive today.
I am sorry for all the multitude of evil ones who have tried to defame you and erase that you ever lived.
I am sorry that life is so cheap and yours has no value to those who killed you and try to erase you ever existed.
I am sorry that the Legal system is weak, corrupt and I have not been able to obtain real justice for you. I failed to accomplish getting Justice for you, please forgive me
I am sorry for my failing as your father to keep you from dying.
I am sorry you did not leave the beach one second earlier or later to return home that day of June, 21, 2008.
I am sorry that I was not there to protect you.
I am sorry that I was not there that day to comfort you, hold you, ease your pain.
I am sorry that I don’t know the last thoughts in your mind before you died.
I am sorry that you died alone, with strangers, and no one even had the courage, kindness to hold your hand.
I am sorry that you died lying on a hot highway pavement, in a place unfamiliar, in the middle of nowhere.
I am sorry that no one had the decency to cover your right arm and both feet as you lay dead under the blue tarp.
I am sorry the Medvac trauma helicopter was delayed in arriving there by 4 minutes, too late to stop the killer first responders from touching you.
I am sorry that I was not even able to protect your dignity in death.
I am sorry you cannot cry.
I am sorry you cannot scream.
I am sorry you cannot laugh.
I am sorry you cannot smile.
I am sorry you cannot feel.
I am sorry you cannot talk.
I am sorry you cannot breathe.
I am sorry you are silent forever.
I am sorry you are deep inside a cold, dark grave, rotting away, alone.
I am sorry you are blind and will never see again.
I am sorry you will never experience the rest of your life, nor remember the wonderful life you had until that final second before you died.
I am sorry you will never be able to realize your dreams.
I am sorry you will never feel the joy of being a father, husband , uncle, grandfather, great grandfather.
I am sorry you will never have another birthday.
I am sorry you will never again feel the experiences and potential of your incredibly gifted skills.
I am sorry you will never again be happy.
I am sorry you will never again feel the warmth of the sun.
I am sorry you will never again feel the wind on your face.
I am sorry you will never again feel the rain, snow, water.
I am sorry you will never again listen to music.
I am sorry you will never again play music on your Fender bass guitar.
I am sorry that you will never again enjoy reading books.
I am sorry you will never again ride your bike.
I am sorry you will never again play Ultimate Frisbee.
I am sorry you will never again play softball.
I am sorry you will never again play basketball.
I am sorry you will never again swim.
I am sorry you will never again be able to express your kindness and caring for others.
I am sorry you will never again explore your genius ideas that changed technology.
I am sorry you will never again experience the excitement of your life.
I am sorry you will never again be creative with your ideas, hands, and brain.
I am sorry you will never again discuss with passion the things that you believe in.
I am sorry you will never again write, expressing the magical beauty of your words.
I am sorry that you will never again feel love. Never.
I am sorry that you will never again be with those close to you now and in the future.
I am sorry for you that life is unfair.
I am sorry because you didn’t deserve this to happen to you.
I am sorry for you that there is no answer to ” WHY, WHY YOU”?
I am sorry for you that there is no god.
I am sorry for you that there is no heaven, just a dark, cold grave.
I am sorry that you cannot wake up from this nightmare, that all this is real, irreversible, final.
I am sorry for you that time has stopped forever.
I am sorry that some people have forgotten about you.
I am sorry that the world said nothing, heard nothing, saw nothing about the injustices done to you.
I am sorry that it was you and not me.
I am sorry that I had to bury you and that you didn’t bury me first, as it should be.
I am sorry for everything that I forgot to say now, or cannot and did not say here.
I am sorry for YOU because you are not here, you are NO MORE on this earth.
I am sorry that you cannot rest in peace.
More than anything, I am sorry that you didn’t have a chance to say goodbye.
I will always honor you, remember you, miss you, keep you in my heart, preserve your memory in lovingly telling future generations about you, and love you forever. We all miss you so very much.
Your brother, sister, mother, family, and others who love you, will do the same. We will never forget YOU, never stop loving you, our precious beloved Steven. NEVER.
Steven, I can only say, I am SORRY, SORRY, I am so SORRY.
אָמֵן-Amen. Love, Dad.
July 12, 2013 at 3:29 pm
Steven, I would like to believe that today you are finally free after over five long agonizing years to make your soul whole again.
It is far from what you truly deserve but perhaps enough that you can understand that I did my best, and it was all I could get of you.
There is no end to the pain, the horrific loss, and the everlasting love I will feel forever about you.
Know that I will always continue doing my very best to regain some tiny semblance of justice and dignity to you for your life being stolen.
Being there today gently and lovingly caressing what is left of you brought many different intense feelings inside of me, but the emotions would not come out.
I am forever numb, you are still not here and never will be again. That reality of this never seems real, but it is horrifically true. Your life is over and we will never be together again.
I hope that you felt our presence today and that of the rest of your family who love you.
Steven Nathaniel Wolkoff- Go now to soar through the journey, you are DUST IN THE WIND.
Steven, Forever Loved and Remembered.
I love and miss you very much-Love-Dad
September 5, 2013 at 6:14 pm
Technology, streaming media was your job that you excelled ingeniously at performing, and music was one of your many passions.
Steven played the Bass guitar, wrote his own music, played in several Bands, and was an incredibly talented musician.
Click here for Steven playing Bass guitar with his Band “Whatxis.”
Click Here-Scroll down to the 4th Band-Exit Ocean for Steven playing Bass guitar with his Band “Exit Ocean.”
In loving memory of you, we have placed a legacy memorial stone about your life in the front plaza at the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame in Cleveland, Ohio.
This legacy stone is an eternal testimony to Steven Nathaniel Wolkoff, his genius as a person, a uniquely gifted musician and an artist of many crafts.
Your stone is located in South Section, Disc Track 2.
I wish you everlasting peace my beloved son Steven. I deeply miss you every moment of each day and night.
You will always be loved and remembered forever.
Love-Dad
June 21, 2014 at 1:52 am
TO MY SON STEVEN NATHANIEL WOLKOFF
SATURDAY, JUNE 21, 2014
STEVEN NATHANIEL WOLKOFF
SEPTEMBER 23, 1977- JUNE 21, 2008
BELOVED SON, BROTHER,GRANDSON,
NEPHEW, COUSIN, CHERISHED LOVE
GOOD FRIEND
GENTLY THEY GO,
THE BEAUTIFUL,
THE TENDER, THE KIND
FOREVER IN OUR HEARTS
The Headstone in a Cemetery Never Lies.Today is the anniversary of the sixth year of an eternity in agony for all of us, marking the horrific day, June 21, 2008, that you, Steven Nathaniel Wolkoff, were cruelly killed at the age of 30, your life brutally stolen from you, your family, friends, me.
Steven died on the first day of Summer, it was 5 PM on a Saturday afternoon, same as today, exactly six years ago.
Oh how he loved the summer months and life itself. He was looking forward to it all, never realizing that his life would end that day in 2008 due to the negligence of others.
At some moments in time, I reach a point where there is nothing else to be said about the death of Steven.
Today is one of those moments.
Steven is so real, alive to me in my mind,my memories, and for a second, he seems to actually be here.
I cannot believe that my son Steven lies buried in a grave so young, me dreaming of things that he was and might have been.
I never have said the traditional Mourners Kaddish prayer for Steven because it’s words are meaningless to me.
I have written my own Mourners Kaddish as a way to honor Steven, and I usually post it every year at this time, thereby testifying that Steven left behind worthy descendants, people who will always remember that he lived.
These sentences speak directly to Steven, because his pain and loss need to be honestly described in real words that accurately reflect my true feelings.
STEVEN NATHANIEL WOLKOFF’S MOURNERS KADDISH
Steven Nathaniel Wolkoff, Shmuel Nacham Ben Yaakov, (Samuel Nathan, Son of Jerry).
September 23, 1977- June 21, 2008
I am sorry that you are dead.
I am sorry you suffered so painfully, on that awful day, as you fought to stay alive.
I am sorry for the agony you felt, I see it in your eyes, face, and body from the horrific evidence photos. I see and feel it in my endless nightmares.
I am sorry for the fear, terror, unimaginable pain you felt in fighting for your life, as they killed you. I know the truth of your courage in being able to fight so bravely.
I am sorry for you because you were not killed by accident, but instead by the senseless, stupid, careless, actions of so many others who could have saved your life, but instead, each in their own way, miserably failed you that day, never realizing or even considering taking responsibility, or accountability for the consequences of their actions, inaction’s, indifference, and incompetence.
I am sorry you died not due to fate, nor randomly, but were instead killed by the cascading chaos of connected, dysfunctional, defective entities and others, all who caused your preventable death.
I am sorry about the inept, licensed, qualified, medical first responders who had no idea, not a clue, of what they were doing medically to you as they killed you. They have no consciences and lied to hide how they murdered you in cold blood.
I am sorry for you, that so many corrupt, ugly cowards of evil, who have evidence of the truth, but have no conscience to speak up, remain silent, lie, omit, refuse to come forward to admit their responsibility in covering up the true facts that all contributed to killing you.
I am sorry for those whose toxic evil allowed all of the above to be done to you and escaped from being held accountable for participating in your death.
I am sorry that your soul and body were desecrated in death.
I am sorry for the wicked hideous ones who desecrated your body in death and refuse to take accountability for their violation of your body, your soul.
I am sorry that it has taken us five years to finally successfully legally force the spiteful, hateful San Mateo County Coroner to shortly release your final remains to us for proper burial.
I am sorry that you died in spite of the true facts that show you should be alive today.
I am sorry for all the multitude of evil ones who have tried to defame you and erase that you ever lived.
I am sorry that life is so cheap and yours has no value to those who killed you and try to erase you ever existed.
I am sorry that the Legal system is weak, corrupt and I have not been able to obtain real justice for you. I failed to accomplish getting Justice for you, please forgive me
I am sorry for my failing as your father to keep you from dying.
I am sorry you did not leave the beach one second earlier or later to return home that day of June, 21, 2008.
I am sorry that I was not there to protect you.
I am sorry that I was not there that day to comfort you, hold you, ease your pain.
I am sorry that I don’t know the last thoughts in your mind before you died.
I am sorry that you died alone, with strangers, and no one even had the courage, kindness to hold your hand.
I am sorry that you died lying on a hot highway pavement, in a place unfamiliar, in the middle of nowhere.
I am sorry that no one had the decency to cover your right arm and both feet as you lay dead under the blue tarp.
I am sorry the Medvac trauma helicopter was delayed in arriving there by 4 minutes, too late to stop the killer first responders from touching you.
I am sorry that I was not even able to protect your dignity in death.
I am sorry you cannot cry.
I am sorry you cannot scream.
I am sorry you cannot laugh.
I am sorry you cannot smile.
I am sorry you cannot feel.
I am sorry you cannot talk.
I am sorry you cannot breathe.
I am sorry you are silent forever.
I am sorry that the world said nothing, heard nothing, saw nothing about the injustices done to you.
I am sorry that it was you and not me.
I am sorry that I had to bury you and that you didn’t bury me first, as it should be.
I am sorry for everything that I forgot to say now, or cannot and did not say here.
I am sorry for YOU because you are not here, you are NO MORE on this earth.
I am sorry that you cannot rest in peace.
More than anything, I am sorry that you didn’t have a chance to say goodbye.
Your family will always honor you, remember you, miss you, keep you in our heart, preserve your memory in lovingly telling future generations about you, and love you forever. We all miss you so very much.
Your brother, sister, mother, family, and others who love you, will do the same. We will never forget YOU, never stop loving you, our precious beloved Steven. NEVER.
Steven, I can only say, I am SORRY, SORRY, I am so SORRY.
מֵן-Amen. Love, Dad.
June 21, 2014 at 9:28 pm
To Steve’s Loved Ones,
“Whoever you hold in the heart of you
Is forever and always a part of you.”
It’s difficult to reconcile that 6 years have passed since that tragic afternoon on the Pacific Coast Highway. We were strangers whose lives intersected with Steve’s only moments after that irresponsible, shattering act of violence. Memories of that horrific accident continue to haunt me.
In my dreams, I struggle to redirect the nocturnal script so that I, somehow, manage to save your precious son. While my dreams are wish-fulfillment fantasies, my thoughts and prayers for Steve’s family are viable and sincere.
Please accept our heartfelt condolences, now and always.
The Cummins
June 21, 2014 at 10:12 pm
Thank You for your heartfelt feelings. You were one of the last human beings that were with Steven in his final minutes. Your horrific memories of what you saw are deeply embedded in your heart and mind. But your caring concern for Steven during that time, a total stranger to you, hopefully were spiritually felt by him. It will always be gratefully remembered that the Cummins Family, especially you Donna, were truly loving and cared about Steven during the entire time he was alone on that highway. Jerry Wolkoff.
September 23, 2014 at 4:11 am
My son Steven Nathaniel Wolkoff would have been 37 years old today. Instead he lies dead in a grave because of the negligence and indifference of those who killed him, stole his life at the age of 30, and have tried to erase that he ever lived.
Most others don’t think about Steven anymore, but our family and some of his friends miss him every second, of every day.
I mourn what was, what could of been, and what will never be.
You deserved so much better my son, it just wasn’t meant to be.
Steven, “Forever Loved, and Remembered” is written on the necklace I wear on my neck for the world to see.
I will always love you Steven. Love, Dad
June 21, 2015 at 12:26 am
STEVEN NATHANIEL WOLKOFF
SEPTEMBER 23, 1977- JUNE 21, 2008
BELOVED SON, BROTHER,GRANDSON,
NEPHEW, COUSIN, CHERISHED LOVE
GOOD FRIEND
GENTLY THEY GO,
THE BEAUTIFUL,
THE TENDER, THE KIND
FOREVER IN OUR HEARTS
Today June 21, 2015 is Father’s day.
I am so grateful for all that I have from my two children as their father.
Today, also by the quirks of the calendar is the anniversary of the seventh year of an eternity in agony for all of us, marking the horrific day, June 21, 2008, that my oldest child, Steven Nathaniel Wolkoff, was cruelly killed at the age of 30, his life brutally stolen from him, your family, friends, me.
Steven died on the first day of Summer, same as today, it was 5 PM on a Saturday afternoon, exactly seven years ago.
It seems so much longer than seven years have gone by since we lost him.
I still feel that it cannot be true, somehow suddenly he will appear, call me on the phone, or send me an email. That feeling never leaves, it is always there, I will wake up from this nightmare, and Steven will be here, alive.
Oh how he loved the summer months and life itself. He was looking forward to it all, never realizing that his life would end that day in 2008 due to the negligence of others.
I posted the other pictures above of Steven because they are some of my favorite ones, and also he is so real, alive in them, and for a second, he seems to actually be here.
Today, on this seventh anniversary of Steven’s tragic death, if you can, please take a moment now to remember who Steven was and how deeply he is missed by each of us.
The last time I spoke to Steven, was on the phone,Tuesday evening, June 17 , 2008.
I didn’t know that moment was going to be our last.
The last time I would talk to you, and hear your beautiful voice.
The last time I would tell you that I loved you, and hear you say “I love you too dad”. Strong and so real, so vibrant and alive.
A smiling face, with twinkling eyes, your special smile, my fine young man, my oldest child.
The shattered remnant of my heart with holes so black and fathomless no light can ever fill. I am and will be in shock forever.
Time has passed before me, so bleak and dark and long, the wind that whispers through the trees, the brightest star at night, the rain on a dismal day, my endless dreams, nightmares, the constant thoughts, hearing the door bell ringing, seeing the 2 Nassau County Policeman at my door at 4 AM asking me politely if they could come inside, no eye contact from them, I knew and asked them “which one of my children”, their response “do you have a son Steven living in San Francisco, he was killed in a car collision”. That moment is frozen in my mind, repeating itself endlessly almost every waking and sleeping moment of my life.
The tragic death of Steven was caused by stupid, senseless acts. Every day, each night, my mind is focused on the highway at the collision, looking at Steven’s face while he is alive and then later, he is dead, covered by a tarp on the highway.
The collision seems less a random act, and more determined, by a series of factors, not so benign, each one a contributing cause of my son’s death.
Steven was killed not by accident, but by horribly connected actions, and inactions, of many others, each building on the impact of the other. Steven’s death began when distinct acts of design and error grew to become the chaos of negligence.
Steven was killed because of a poorly designed highway, outmoded, dangerously engineered for the volume of the Saturday traffic, moving slowly or quickly, to pass or turn.
Steven was killed by the lack of highway signage and the carelessness of a local community program, having a gathering, unaware that their visitors, were parking, turning, clogging this already too narrow stretch of road.
Steven was killed by an army of first responders, Paramedics, Emergency Medical Technicians, Police, Firefighters, and Park Rangers, etc., busy littering the highway with equipment, while they tried to look busy and important.
Steven courageously lived for about an hour after the collision while multiple systems of rescue professionals failed to get him to the hospital, and were unable to properly provide a minimum standard of the medical skills that they were trained to perform.
The first responders missed his airway, suffocating him, vital oxygen crushing against his heart, lungs and diaphragm, taking his breath away, and horrifically killing him.
The responder’s mission, to stabilize Steven for triage care at the Hospital, failed, lost in a few hundred square feet of disorder, with no one in charge, no one leading, standing, telling, helping, shouting, or recognizing the obvious signs of their medical errors.
My son Steven was killed by carelessness, thoughtlessness, and negligence on the part of multiple entities and individuals.
A gifted, talented, precious, irreplaceable, meaningful life was stolen from all of us who loved him deeply, because of the actions of so many who, each in their own way, miserably failed to anticipate and recognize that the consequences of their actions and inactions, all destroyed Steven’s life.
A Jury trial is scheduled for September 2015 as we are still after all these years doing our very best to obtain justice and accountability for your having had your life stolen from you.
My first-born son, my Steven Nathaniel Wolkoff, so cruelly taken from us at the age of 30 years old.
I cannot believe that my son Steven lies buried in a grave so young, me dreaming of things that he was and might have been.
I never have said the traditional Mourners Kaddish prayer for Steven because it’s words are completely meaningless to me.
I have written my own Mourners Kaddish as a way to honor Steven, and I usually post it every year at this time, thereby testifying that Steven left behind a legacy of goodness, and worthy descendants, those who loved him, who will always remember that he lived.
These sentences speak directly to Steven, because his pain and loss need to be honestly described in real words that accurately reflect my true feelings.
STEVEN NATHANIEL WOLKOFF’S MOURNERS KADDISH
Steven Nathaniel Wolkoff, Shmuel Nacham Ben Yaakov, (Samuel Nathan, Son of Jerry).
September 23, 1977- June 21, 2008
I am sorry that you are dead.
I am sorry you suffered so painfully, on that awful day, as you fought to stay alive.
I am sorry for the agony you felt, I see it in your eyes, face, and body from the horrific evidence photos. I see and feel it in my endless nightmares.
I am sorry for the fear, terror, unimaginable pain you felt in fighting for your life, as they killed you. I know the truth of your courage in being able to fight so bravely to stay alive.
I am sorry for you because you were not killed by accident, but instead by the senseless, stupid, careless, actions of so many others who could have saved your life, but instead, each in their own way, miserably failed you that day, never realizing or even considering taking responsibility, or accountability for the consequences of their actions, inaction’s, indifference, and incompetence.
I am sorry you died not due to fate, nor randomly, but were instead killed by the cascading chaos of connected, dysfunctional, defective entities and others, all who caused your preventable death.
I am sorry that you died because the State of California did not care about your life and decided not to fix a dangerously unsafe road, instead they deliberately hid the structural defects in the highway that made it into a death trap.
I am sorry about the inept, licensed, qualified, medical first responders who had no idea, not a clue, of what they were doing medically to you as they killed you. They have no consciences and lied to hide how they murdered you in cold blood.
I am sorry for you, that so many corrupt, ugly cowards of evil, who have evidence of the truth, but have no conscience to speak up, remain silent, lie, omit, refuse to come forward to admit their responsibility in covering up the true facts that all contributed to killing you.
I am sorry for those whose toxic evil allowed all of the above to be done to you and escaped from being held accountable for participating in your death.
I am sorry that your soul and body were desecrated in death.
I am sorry for the wicked hideous ones who desecrated your body in death and refuse to take accountability for their violation of your body, your soul.
I am sorry that it has took us five years to finally successfully legally force the spiteful, hateful San Mateo County Coroner to release your final remains for proper burial.
I am sorry that you died in spite of the true medical facts that show you should be alive today.
I am sorry for all the multitude of evil ones who have tried to defame you and erase that your name.
I am sorry that life is so cheap and yours has no value to those who killed you and try to erase you ever existed.
I am sorry that the Legal system is weak, corrupt and I have not been able to obtain real justice for you. I failed to accomplish getting Justice for you, please forgive me.
I am sorry for my failing as your father to keep you from dying.
I am sorry you did not leave the beach one second earlier or later to return home that day of June, 21, 2008.
I am sorry that I was not there to protect you.
I am sorry that I was not there that day to comfort you, hold you, ease your pain.
I am sorry that I don’t know the last thoughts in your mind before you died.
I am sorry that you died alone, with strangers, and no one even had the courage, kindness to hold your hand.
I am sorry that you died lying on a hot highway pavement, in a place unfamiliar, in the middle of nowhere.
I am sorry that no one had the decency to cover your right arm and both feet, as you lay dead under the blue tarp.
I am sorry the Medvac trauma helicopter was delayed in arriving there by 4 minutes, too late to stop the killer first responders from touching you.
I am sorry that I was not even able to protect your dignity in death.
I am sorry you cannot cry.
I am sorry you cannot scream.
I am sorry you cannot laugh.
I am sorry you cannot smile.
I am sorry you cannot feel.
I am sorry you cannot talk.
I am sorry you cannot breathe.
I am sorry you are silent forever.
I am sorry that the world said nothing, heard nothing, says nothing about the injustices done to you.
I am sorry that it was you and not me.
I am sorry that I had to bury you and that you didn’t bury me first, as it should be.
I am sorry for everything that I forgot to say now, or cannot, and did not say here.
I am sorry for YOU because you are not here, you are NO MORE on this earth.
I am sorry that you cannot rest in peace.
More than anything, I am sorry that you didn’t have a chance to say goodbye.
Your family will always honor you, remember you, miss you, keep you in our heart, preserve your memory in lovingly telling future generations about you, and love you forever.
We all miss you so very much.
Your brother, sister, mother, family, and others who love you, will do the same. We will never forget YOU, never stop loving you, our precious beloved Steven. NEVER.
Steven, I can only say, I am SORRY, SORRY, I am so SORRY.
I mourn what was, what could of been, and what will never be.
You deserved so much better my son, it just wasn’t meant to be.
At some moments in time, I reach a point where there is nothing else to be said about the death of Steven.
Today is again, one of those moments.
My heart is broken, my Steven is gone, and we will mourn forever.
I will always love you Steven. Love, Dad.
מֵן-Amen-Love Dad
September 23, 2015 at 12:57 am
I had a reoccurring nightmare last night that you were dead.
This morning, as it often happens when I awake, there are always a few seconds of hesitation for me where I think Steven is alive and my nightmare was just a bad dream.
Quickly I realize the agonizing reality that Steven is really dead, forever.
Today is Steven’s birthday.
My son Steven Nathaniel Wolkoff would have been 38 years old today.
Most others don’t think about Steven anymore, but our family and some of his friends miss him every second, of every day.
I mourn what was, what could of been, and what will never be.
You deserved so much better my son, it just wasn’t meant to be.
Such fear in the darkness.
I am sorry that It was you
And Not me.
I will always love and remember you Steven.
Love, Dad
October 22, 2015 at 8:30 pm
The heart is for you, my friend.
Gregory Schaefer
February 7, 2016 at 6:09 pm
Thanks for listening today, buddy.
Gregory Schaefer
June 21, 2016 at 1:59 am
BELOVED SON, BROTHER,GRANDSON,
NEPHEW, COUSIN, CHERISHED LOVE
GOOD FRIEND
GENTLY THEY GO,
THE BEAUTIFUL,
THE TENDER, THE KIND
FOREVER IN OUR HEARTS
Today is the anniversary of the eighth year of an eternity in agony, marking the horrific day, June 21, 2008, that my oldest child, Steven Nathaniel Wolkoff, was cruelly killed at the age of 30, his life brutally stolen from him, family, friends, me.
I dread the coming of this day every year.
Steven died on the first day of Summer, it was 5 PM on a Saturday afternoon, exactly eight years ago.
It seems so much longer than eight years have gone by since we lost him.
I still feel that it cannot be true, somehow suddenly he will appear, call me on the phone, or send me an email. That feeling never leaves, it is always there, I will wake up from this nightmare, and Steven will be here, alive.
There are mornings that I wake up believing for a few seconds that Steven is alive and it was just a horrible nightmare that he is dead. Then the reality strikes me full force in the face and gut,that he is dead forever, how can that be?
Oh how he loved the summer months and life itself. He was looking forward to it all, never realizing that his life would end that day in 2008.
I posted the other pictures above of Steven because they are some of my favorite ones, and also he is so real, alive in them, and for a second, he seems to actually be here.
Today, on this eight anniversary of Steven's tragic death, if you can, please take a moment now to remember who Steven was and how deeply he is missed by each of us.
The last time I spoke to Steven, was on the phone,Tuesday evening, June 17 , 2008.
I didn't know that moment was going to be our last.
The last time I would talk to you, and hear your beautiful voice.
The last time I would tell you that I loved you, and hear you say “I love you too dad”. Strong and so real, so vibrant and alive.
A smiling face, with twinkling eyes, your special smile, my fine young man, my oldest child.
The shattered remnant of my heart with holes so black and fathomless no light can ever fill. I am and will be in shock forever.
Time has passed before me, so bleak and dark and long, the wind that whispers through the trees, the brightest star at night, the rain on a dismal day, my endless dreams, nightmares, the constant thoughts, hearing the door bell ringing, seeing the 2 Nassau County Policeman at my door at 4 AM asking me politely if they could come inside, no eye contact from them, I knew and asked them "which one of my children", their response "do you have a son Steven living in San Francisco, he was killed in a car collision".
That moment is frozen in my mind, repeating itself endlessly almost every waking and sleeping moment of my life.
The tragic death of Steven was caused by stupid, senseless acts. Every day, each night, my mind is focused on the highway at the collision, looking at Steven’s face while he is alive and then later, he is dead, covered by a tarp on the highway.
The collision seems less a random act, and more determined, by a series of factors, not so benign, each one a contributing cause of my son’s death.
Steven was killed not by accident, but by horribly connected actions, and inaction's, of many others, each building on the impact of the other. Steven’s death began when distinct acts of design and error grew to become the chaos of negligence.
Steven was killed by the lack of highway signage, a secret State cover up of a structurally flawed highway design known as a "death trap", whose design errors were deliberately never corrected, violating the written safety codes of the same government department responsible for building the highway, and the carelessness of a local community program, having a gathering, unaware that their visitors, were parking, turning, merging, clogging this already too narrow stretch of road that had no separate turning lanes.
Steven was killed by a 21 year old drug impaired driver, who did not even have a driver’s license, an illegal alien. His danger to others not in his thoughts, but mostly I think he just didn't care about the effects of his irresponsible actions on Steven.
Steven was killed by an army of first responders, Paramedics, Emergency Medical Technicians, Police, Firefighters, and Park Rangers, etc., busy littering the highway with equipment, while they tried to look busy and important.
Steven courageously lived for about an hour after the collision while multiple systems of rescue professionals failed to get him to the hospital, and were unable to properly provide a minimum standard of the medical skills that they were trained to perform.
The first responders missed his airway, suffocating him, vital oxygen crushing against his heart, lungs and diaphragm, taking his breath away, and horrifically killing him.
The responder’s mission, to stabilize Steven for triage care at the Hospital, failed, lost in a few hundred square feet of disorder, with no one in charge, no one leading, standing, telling, helping, shouting, or recognizing the obvious signs of their medical errors.
My son Steven was killed by carelessness, thoughtlessness, and negligence on the part of multiple entities and individuals.
A gifted, talented, precious, irreplaceable, meaningful life was stolen from all of us who loved him deeply, because of the actions of so many who, each in their own way, miserably failed to help Steven, all destroying Steven’s life.
I cannot believe that my son Steven lies buried in a grave so young, me dreaming of things that he was and might have been.
I am not religious, nor do I believe in god, so the traditional Mourners Kaddish prayer for Steven are meaningless words to me.
I have written my own Mourners Kaddish as a way to honor Steven, and I post it every year at this time.
It is my way of expressing that Steven left behind a legacy of goodness, and worthy descendants, those who loved him, who will always remember that he lived.
These sentences speak directly to Steven, because his pain and loss need to be honestly described in real words that accurately reflect my true feelings.
STEVEN NATHANIEL WOLKOFF'S MOURNERS KADDISH
Steven Nathaniel Wolkoff, Shmuel Nacham Ben Yaakov, (Samuel Nathan, Son of Jerry).
September 23, 1977- June 21, 2008
I am sorry that you are dead.
I am sorry you suffered so painfully, on that awful day, as you fought to stay alive.
I am sorry for the agony you felt, I see it in your eyes, face, and body from the horrific evidence photos. I see and feel it in my endless nightmares.
I am sorry for the fear, terror, unimaginable pain you felt in fighting for your life, as they killed you. I know the truth of your courage in being able to fight so bravely to stay alive.
I am sorry for you because you were not killed by accident, but instead by the senseless, stupid, careless, actions of so many others who could have saved your life, but instead, each in their own way, miserably failed you that day, never realizing or even considering taking responsibility, or accountability for the consequences of their actions, inaction's, indifference, and incompetence.
I am sorry you died not due to fate, nor randomly, but were instead killed by the cascading chaos of connected, dysfunctional, defective entities and others, all who caused your preventable death.
I am sorry that you died because the State of California did not care about your life and decided not to fix a dangerously unsafe road, instead they deliberately hid the structural defects in the highway that made it into a death trap.
I am sorry that you died because of the 21 year old drug impaired driver speeding out of control into your car. His danger to you not in his thoughts, but mostly I think he just didn't care about the effects of his irresponsible actions.
I am sorry about the inept, licensed, qualified, medical first responders who had no idea, not a clue, of what they were doing medically to you as they killed you. They have no consciences and lied to hide how they murdered you in cold blood.
I am sorry for you, that so many corrupt, ugly cowards of evil, who have evidence of the truth, but have no conscience to speak up, remain silent, lie, omit, refuse to come forward to admit their responsibility in covering up the true facts that all contributed to killing you.
I am sorry for those whose toxic evil allowed all of the above to be done to you and escaped from being held accountable for participating in your death.
I am sorry that your soul and body were desecrated in death.
I am sorry for the wicked hideous ones who desecrated your body in death and refuse to take accountability for their violation of your body, your soul.
I am sorry that it has took us five years to finally successfully legally force the spiteful, hateful San Mateo County Coroner to release your final remains for proper burial.
I am sorry that you died in spite of the true medical facts that show you should be alive today.
I am sorry for all the multitude of evil ones who have tried to defame you and erase that your name.
I am sorry that life is so cheap and yours has no value to those who killed you and try to erase you ever existed.
I am sorry that the Legal system is weak, corrupt and I was not able to obtain justice for you. I failed to accomplish getting that Justice for you, please forgive me.
I am sorry for my failing as your father to keep you from dying.
I am sorry you did not leave the beach one second earlier or later to return home that day of June, 21, 2008.
I am sorry that I was not there to protect you.
I am sorry that I was not there that day to comfort you, hold you, ease your pain.
I am sorry that I don't know the last thoughts in your mind before you died.
I am sorry that you died alone, with strangers, and no one even had the courage, kindness to hold your hand.
I am sorry that you died lying on a hot highway pavement, in a place unfamiliar, in the middle of nowhere.
I am sorry that no one had the decency to cover your right arm and both feet, as you lay dead under the blue tarp.
I am sorry the Medvac trauma helicopter was delayed in arriving there by 4 minutes, too late to stop the killer first responders from touching you.
I am sorry that I was not even able to protect your dignity in death.
I am sorry you cannot cry.
I am sorry you cannot scream.
I am sorry you cannot laugh.
I am sorry you cannot smile.
I am sorry you cannot feel.
I am sorry you cannot talk.
I am sorry you cannot breathe.
I am sorry you are silent forever.
I am sorry that the world said nothing, heard nothing, says nothing about the injustices done to you.
I am sorry that it was you and not me.
I am sorry that I had to bury you and that you didn't bury me first, as it should be.
I am sorry for everything that I forgot to say now, or cannot, and did not say here.
I am sorry for YOU because you are not here, you are NO MORE on this earth.
I am sorry that you cannot rest in peace.
More than anything, I am sorry that you didn't have a chance to say goodbye.
Your family will always honor you, remember you, miss you, keep you in our heart, preserve your memory in lovingly telling future generations about you, and love you forever.
We all miss you so very much.
I mourn what was, what could of been, and what will never be.
You deserved so much better my son, it just wasn’t meant to be.
Your brother, sister, mother, family, and others who love you, will do the same. We will never forget YOU, never stop loving you, our precious beloved Steven. NEVER.
Steven, I can only say, I am SORRY, SORRY, I am so SORRY.
My heart is broken, my Steven is gone, and we will mourn forever.
Hebrew -Amen. Love, Dad.
July 11, 2016 at 1:39 am
Your words here have really touched my heart Jerry. Through all your writings I feel somehow connected, like I’ve known you and your family all my life. I am so touched by everything you say, and I too go through so many shifting emotions; disbeliefe, anger, over whelming sorrow and sadness, back to raging anger and ultimately always coming back to the most helpless feelings of shock and fear. I am SO sorry for you and your family’s great loss. I can tell how much you loved your son, and what an amazing man your son was by all the things everybody says about him. Oh what a jem he must have been!! How lucky this world was to have him! I can only hope you allow yourself to feel the moments of pride and joy when you read the wonderful things people write in remembrance! He was such a great guy, he has touched so many peoples lives to that degree! Im sorry I missed out on getting to know him! But I know him now. And I will never forget him. I will carry him with me always. I can only imagine the impact hes had on so many peoples lives.. And I can tell that his friends and colleagues will be talking about him for decades to come!! Much the same way people I’ve never known before stop me to tell me stories about my dad and the impact hes had on them! My daddy was a rock star, but I don’t have a single memory of him of my own. Brain cancer took him from me 3 weeks before my 2nd birthday. So cruel. So unfair. But none the less, my dad has always been a huge part of my life, and it has brought me so much joy and comfort throughout my life listening to random people tell me so many wonderful crazy things!! �� And I feel like I know him.. The same way I feel like I know Steven. I had never thought of it that way untell you said it here, but I am very glad that in that moment of time I WAS RIGHT THERE at just the right time, to be able to have spent the last hour of your sons life with him. I am so sorry he was taken from you, but I do hope you will have even just a moments comfort knowing that I was there. I did not leave his side. I did not give up. I did not stop trying. I did not stop screaming and I did not back up or go away. I did not leave your son. They took him away from me, they did not take me away from him. He was not alone, and he knew I was there. I am just so sorry that I couldn’t save him. I think about it all the time, what else could I have done, what if this, or what if that. Why. What was the lesson there. WHAT DID I MISS.. What do I do now, how do I honor your sons name, and keep his memory alive. Well I think now I know.. I had a thought last night in a dream.. Something so simple but so strong.. When the opportunity presents itself, I will be sure to let you know! I am so sorry Jerry.. I am so sorry! Paige Popik
July 11, 2016 at 1:45 am
Paige- Your words and feelings are beautifully painful, but mean a lot to me as I now know that you and your mom were there next to Steven during the last hour of his life. At least he wasn’t alone because of the kindness, love, caring that you felt towards him during those moments hopefully got through to him, that he knew you were with him in spirit. Thank You.Jerry
July 11, 2016 at 1:42 am
I am a stranger to you and your family but I too am sorry for your loss.I will never forget your son and only wish that I could have known him before that tragic day that I spent with him as he was dying. I am so sorry that I could do nothing more than talk to him and tell him everything was going to be ok and that he would not be alone.I too re-live this day and will never forget it, your son or Cindy and am so sorry that everything was not ok that day. Your son may be gone but he will never be forgotten even in the hearts of strangers. Kristy Crowe
July 11, 2016 at 2:20 am
Thank you Kristy for your kind, heart felt feelings. I know that you and Paige are deeply affected by the horrific events of the day Steven was killed. I know that both you and your daughter will always remember Steven and that your being there, talking to him, is something that Steven heard and knew that he was not alone. For that I am forever grateful by your humanity shown to Steven while so many others did nothing. You are not “strangers”, instead you were chosen to be some of the last loving people that Steven was with before he died, and you provided him comfort in his last hour of life.
September 23, 2016 at 11:25 am
My older son Steven Nathaniel Wolkoff would have been 39 years old today.
What can a parent say on the birthday of their dead child.?
A living child asks for a birthday party.
As they become older, you, as the parent, ask them what they want for their birthday. There’s dialogue.
It’s tradition to remember your child’s birthday, to not do so ignores that they lived.
But what exactly is a parent supposed to do on the birthday of their child when he is gone?
Not gone, as in out of town or at the beach, or out of the country. Gone as in, no longer alive.
A dead child doesn’t want.
A dead son asks for nothing.
What does a mom or dad do? Where’s the rule book for recognizing birthdays of a dead child?
Steve was born on the first day of Fall and died on the first day of Summer.
There something odd to me about the the significance of the equinox and solstice in his life and its parallel meaning to the Earth.
If the autumnal equinox represents balance, then the summer solstice was most certainly the day we felt our world come to a deafening halt on the longest day of the year.
Steven lies dead in a grave because of the negligence and indifference of those who killed him, stole his life at the age of 30, and have tried to erase that he ever lived.
I mourn what was, what could of been, and what will never be.
You deserved so much better my son, it just wasn’t meant to be.
Steven Nathaniel Wolkoff:
I will Love and Remember you Forever. Love-Dad
June 21, 2017 at 2:16 am
STEVEN NATHANIEL WOLKOFF-SEPTEMBER 23, 1977- JUNE 21, 2008
………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………
LISTEN TO AN ORIGINAL INSTRUMENTAL WRITTEN & COMPOSED IN MEMORY OF STEVEN NATHANIEL WOLKOFF, CALLED “STEVEN’S SONG”.
CLICK ON THIS LINK https://stevewolkoff.com/884-2/
This composition is a quiet and moving work and is meant to serve as a tribute to the life of Steven Wolkoff. It makes use of simple but haunting harmonies and a melody that will stay with the listener long after its final notes have finished sounding.
SEPTEMBER 23, 1977- JUNE 21, 2008
BELOVED SON, BROTHER,GRANDSON,
NEPHEW, COUSIN, CHERISHED LOVE
GOOD FRIEND
GENTLY THEY GO,
THE BEAUTIFUL,
THE TENDER, THE KIND
FOREVER IN OUR HEARTS
WEDNESDAY, JUNE 21,2017
Today is the anniversary of the ninth year of an eternity in agony, marking the horrific day, June 21, 2008, that my oldest child, Steven Nathaniel Wolkoff, was cruelly killed at the age of 30, his life brutally stolen from him, family, friends, me.
I dread the coming of this day every year.
Steven died on the first day of Summer, it was 5 PM on a Saturday afternoon, exactly nine years ago.
It seems so much longer than nine years have gone by since we lost him.
I still feel that it cannot be true, somehow suddenly he will appear, call me on the phone, or send me an email. That feeling never leaves, it is always there, I will wake up from this nightmare, and Steven will be here, alive.
There are mornings that I wake up believing for a few seconds that Steven is alive and it was just a horrible nightmare that he is dead. Then the reality strikes me full force in the face and gut,that he is dead forever, how can that be?
Oh how he loved the summer months and life itself. He was looking forward to it all, never realizing that his life would end that day in 2008.
I posted the other pictures above of Steven because they are some of my favorite ones, and also he is so real, alive in them, and for a second, he seems to actually be here.
Today, on this ninth anniversary of Steven’s tragic death, if you can, please take a moment now to remember who Steven was and how deeply he is missed by each of us.
The last time I spoke to Steven, was on the phone,Tuesday evening, June 17 , 2008.
I didn’t know that moment was going to be our last.
The last time I would talk to you, and hear your beautiful voice.
The last time I would tell you that I loved you, and hear you say “I love you too dad”. Strong and so real, so vibrant and alive.
A smiling face, with twinkling eyes, your special smile, my fine young man, my oldest child.
The shattered remnant of my heart with holes so black and fathomless no light can ever fill. I am and will be in shock forever.
Time has passed before me, so bleak and dark and long, the wind that whispers through the trees, the brightest star at night, the rain on a dismal day, my endless dreams, nightmares, the constant thoughts, hearing the door bell ringing, seeing the 2 Nassau County Policeman at my door at 4 AM asking me politely if they could come inside, no eye contact from them.
I knew and asked them “which one of my children”, their response “do you have a son Steven living in San Francisco, he was killed in a car collision”.
That moment is frozen in my mind, repeating itself endlessly almost every waking and sleeping moment of my life.
The tragic death of Steven was caused by stupid, senseless acts. Every day, each night, my mind is focused on the highway at the collision, looking at the photos of Steven’s face while he is alive on a stretcher placed on the highway and then later, he is dead, covered by a tarp on that same highway.
The collision seems less a random act, and more determined, by a series of factors, not so benign, each one a contributing cause of my son’s death.
Steven was killed not by accident, but by horribly connected actions, and inaction’s, of many others, each building on the impact of the other. Steven’s death began when distinct acts of design and error grew to become the chaos of negligence.
Steven was killed by the lack of highway signage, a secret California State cover up of a structurally flawed highway design known as a “death trap”, whose design errors were deliberately never corrected,violating the written safety codes of the same government department responsible for building the highway, and the carelessness of a local community program, having a gathering, unaware that their visitors, were parking, turning, merging, clogging this already too narrow stretch of road that had no separate turning lanes.
Steven was killed by a 21 year old drug impaired driver, who did not even have a driver’s license, an illegal alien. His danger to others not in his thoughts, but mostly I think he just didn’t care about the effects of his irresponsible actions on Steven.
Steven was killed by an army of first responders, Paramedics, Emergency Medical Technicians, Police, Firefighters, and Park Rangers, etc., busy littering the highway with equipment, while they tried to look busy and important.
Steven courageously lived for about an hour after the collision while multiple systems of rescue professionals failed to get him to the hospital, and were unable to properly provide a minimum standard of the medical skills that they were trained to perform.
The first responders panicked, although Steven was breathing on his own, they performed an unnecessary medical procedure that they had never before done in their life. It is called a Needle Cricothyroidotomy which they failed to do properly and in doing this they missed his airway, suffocating him, vital oxygen crushing against his heart, lungs and diaphragm, taking his breath away, and horrifically killing him.
The responder’s mission, to keep Steven medically stabilized for triage care at the Hospital, failed, lost in a few hundred square feet of disorder, with no one in charge, no one leading, standing, telling, helping, shouting, or recognizing the obvious signs of their medical errors.
My son Steven was killed by carelessness, thoughtlessness, and negligence on the part of multiple entities and individuals.
A gifted, talented, precious, irreplaceable, meaningful life was stolen from all of us who loved him deeply, because of the actions of so many who, each in their own way, miserably failed to help Steven, all destroying Steven’s life.
I cannot believe that my son Steven lies buried in a grave so young, me dreaming of things that he was and might have been.
I am not religious, nor do I believe in god, so the traditional Mourners Kaddish prayer for Steven are meaningless words to me.
I have written my own Mourners Kaddish as a way to honor Steven, and I post it every year at this time.
It is my way of expressing that Steven left behind a legacy of goodness, and worthy descendants, those who loved him, who will always remember that he lived.
These sentences speak directly to Steven, because his pain and loss need to be honestly described in real words that accurately reflect my true feelings.
STEVEN NATHANIEL WOLKOFF’S MOURNERS KADDISH
Steven Nathaniel Wolkoff, Shmuel Nacham Ben Yaakov, (Samuel Nathan, Son of Jerry).
September 23, 1977- June 21, 2008
I am sorry that you are dead.
I am sorry you suffered so painfully, on that awful day, as you fought to stay alive.
I am sorry for the agony you felt, I see it in your eyes, face, and body from the horrific evidence photos. I see and feel it in my endless nightmares.
I am sorry for the fear, terror, unimaginable pain you felt in fighting for your life, as they killed you. I know the truth of your courage in being able to fight so bravely to stay alive.
I am sorry for you because you were not killed by accident, but instead by the senseless, stupid, careless, actions of so many others who could have saved your life, but instead, each in their own way, miserably failed you that day, never realizing or even considering taking responsibility, or accountability for the consequences of their actions, inaction’s, indifference, and incompetence.
I am sorry you died not due to fate, nor randomly, but were instead killed by the cascading chaos of connected, dysfunctional, defective entities and others, all who caused your preventable death.
I am sorry that you died because the State of California did not care about your life and decided not to fix a dangerously unsafe road, instead they deliberately hid the structural defects in the highway that made it into a death trap.
I am sorry that you died because of the 21 year old drug impaired driver speeding out of control into your car. His danger to you not in his thoughts, but mostly I think he just didn’t care about the effects of his irresponsible actions.
I am sorry about the inept, licensed, qualified, medical first responders who had no idea, not a clue, of what they were doing medically to you as they killed you. They have no consciences and lied afterward to hide how they murdered you in cold blood.
I am sorry for you, that so many corrupt, ugly cowards of evil, who have evidence of the truth, but have no conscience to speak up, remain silent, lie, omit, refuse to come forward to admit their responsibility in covering up the true facts that all contributed to killing you.
I am sorry for those whose toxic evil allowed all of the above to be done to you and escaped from being held accountable for participating in your death.
I am sorry that your soul and body were desecrated in death.
I am sorry for the wicked hideous ones who desecrated your body in death and refuse to take accountability for their violation of your body, your soul.
I am sorry that it has took us five years to finally successfully legally force the spiteful, hateful,evil San Mateo County Coroner to release your final remains for proper burial.
I am sorry that you died in spite of the true medical facts that show you should be alive today.
I am sorry for all the multitude of evil ones who have tried to defame you and disrespect your name, your life.
I am sorry that life is so cheap and yours has no value to those who killed you, trying to erase you ever existed.
I am sorry that the Legal system is weak, corrupt and I was not able to obtain justice for you. I failed to accomplish getting that Justice for you, please forgive me.
I am sorry for my failing as your father to keep you from dying.
I am sorry you did not leave the beach one second earlier or later to return home that day of June, 21, 2008.
I am sorry that I was not there to protect you.
I am sorry that I was not there that day to comfort you, hold you, ease your pain.
I am sorry that I don’t know the last thoughts in your mind before you died.
I am sorry that you died alone, with strangers, and no one even had the courage, kindness to hold your hand.
I am sorry that you died lying on a hot highway pavement, in a place unfamiliar, in the middle of nowhere.
I am sorry that no one had the decency to cover your right arm and both feet, as you lay dead under the blue tarp.
I am sorry the Medvac trauma helicopter was delayed in arriving there by 4 minutes, too late to stop the killer first responders from touching you.
I am sorry that I was not even able to protect your dignity in death.
I am sorry you cannot cry.
I am sorry you cannot scream.
I am sorry you cannot laugh.
I am sorry you cannot smile.
I am sorry you cannot feel.
I am sorry you cannot talk.
I am sorry you cannot breathe.
I am sorry you are silent forever.
I am sorry that the world said nothing, heard nothing, says nothing about the injustices done to you.
I am sorry that it was you and not me.
I am sorry that I had to bury you and that you didn’t bury me first, as it should be.
I am sorry for everything that I forgot to say now, or cannot, and did not say here.
I am sorry for YOU because you are not here, you are NO MORE on this earth.
I am sorry that you cannot rest in peace.
More than anything, I am sorry that you didn’t have a chance to say goodbye to those you loved.
Your family will always honor you, remember you, miss you, keep you in our heart, preserve your memory in lovingly telling future generations about you, and love you forever.
We all miss you so very much.
I mourn what was, what could of been, and what will never be.
You deserved so much better my son, it just wasn’t meant to be.
Your brother, sister, mother, family, and others who love you, will do the same. We will never forget YOU, never stop loving you, our precious beloved Steven. NEVER.
Steven, I can only say, I am SORRY, SORRY, I am so SORRY.
My heart is broken, my Steven is gone, and we will mourn forever.
Hebrew -Amen. Love, Dad.
September 23, 2017 at 3:04 pm
ANOTHER BIRTHDAY
ANOTHER BIRTHDAY
My older son Steven Nathaniel Wolkoff would have been 40 years old today.
What can a parent say on the birthday of their dead child?
A living child asks for a birthday party.
As they become older, you, as the parent, ask them what they want for their birthday. There’s dialogue.
It’s tradition to remember your child’s birthday, to not do so ignores that they lived.
But what exactly is a parent supposed to do on the birthday of their child when he is gone?
Not gone, as in out of town or at the beach, or out of the country. Gone as in, no longer alive.
A dead child doesn’t want.
A dead son asks for nothing.
What does a mom or dad do?
Where’s the rule book for recognizing birthdays of a dead child?
Steven was born on the first day of Fall and died on the first day of Summer.
There is something odd to me about the the significance of the equinox and solstice in his life and its parallel meaning to the Earth.
If the autumnal equinox represents balance, then the summer solstice was most certainly the day we felt our world come to a deafening halt on the longest day of the year.
Steven lies dead in a grave because of the negligence and indifference of those who killed him, stole his life at the age of 30, and have tried to erase that he ever lived.
I mourn what was, what could of been, and what will never be.
You deserved so much better my son, it just wasn’t meant to be.
Love, Dad
March 7, 2018 at 2:09 am
This morning I woke up emotional and my husband stayed with me to help me talk through it and to let me cry my heart out. Today i just wished that I could give Steven a hug. He was heavy on my heart, and will forever be a part of me.
June 21, 2018 at 12:58 am
STEVEN NATHANIEL WOLKOFF-SEPTEMBER 23, 1977- JUNE 21, 2008
………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………
LISTEN TO AN ORIGINAL INSTRUMENTAL WRITTEN &; COMPOSED IN MEMORY OF STEVEN NATHANIEL WOLKOFF, CALLED “STEVEN’S SONG”.
CLICK ON THIS LINK https://stevewolkoff.com/884-2/
This composition is a quiet and moving work and is meant to serve as a tribute to the life of Steven Wolkoff. It makes use of simple but haunting harmonies and a melody that will stay with the listener long after its final notes have finished sounding.
SEPTEMBER 23, 1977- JUNE 21, 2008
BELOVED SON, BROTHER,GRANDSON,
NEPHEW, COUSIN, CHERISHED LOVE
GOOD FRIEND
GENTLY THEY GO,
THE BEAUTIFUL,
THE TENDER, THE KIND
FOREVER IN OUR HEARTS
THURSDAY, JUNE 21,2018
Today is the anniversary of the tenth year of an eternity in agony, marking the horrific day, June 21, 2008, that my oldest child, Steven Nathaniel Wolkoff, was cruelly killed at the age of 30, his life brutally stolen from him, family, friends, me.
I dread the coming of this day every year.
Steven died on the first day of Summer, it was 5 PM on a Saturday afternoon, exactly ten years ago.
It seems so much longer than ten years have gone by since we lost him.
I still feel that it cannot be true, somehow suddenly he will appear, call me on the phone, or send me an email. That feeling never leaves, it is always there, I will wake up from this nightmare, and Steven will be here, alive.
There are mornings that I wake up believing for a few seconds that Steven is alive and it was just a horrible nightmare that he is dead. Then the reality strikes me full force in the face and gut,that he is dead forever, how can that be?
Oh how he loved the summer months and life itself. He was looking forward to it all, never realizing that his life would end that day in 2008.
I posted the other pictures above of Steven because they are some of my favorite ones, and also he is so real, alive in them, and for a second, he seems to actually be here.
Today, on this tenth anniversary of Steven’s tragic death, if you can, please take a moment now to remember who Steven was and how deeply he is missed by each of us.
The last time I spoke to Steven, was on the phone,Tuesday evening, June 17 , 2008.
I didn’t know that moment was going to be our last.
The last time I would talk to you, and hear your beautiful voice.
The last time I would tell you that I loved you, and hear you say “I love you too dad”. Strong and so real, so vibrant and alive.
A smiling face, with twinkling eyes, your special smile, my fine young man, my oldest child.
The shattered remnant of my heart with holes so black and fathomless no light can ever fill. I am and will be in shock forever.
Time has passed before me, so bleak and dark and long, the wind that whispers through the trees, the brightest star at night, the rain on a dismal day, my endless dreams, nightmares, the constant thoughts, hearing the door bell ringing, seeing the 2 Nassau County Policeman at my door at 4 AM asking me politely if they could come inside, no eye contact from them.
I knew and asked them “which one of my children”, their response “do you have a son Steven living in San Francisco, he was killed in a car collision”.
That moment is frozen in my mind, repeating itself endlessly almost every waking and sleeping moment of my life.
The tragic death of Steven was caused by stupid, senseless acts. Every day, each night, my mind is focused on the highway at the collision, looking at the photos of Steven’s face while he is alive on a stretcher placed on the highway and then later, he is dead, covered by a tarp on that same highway.
The collision seems less a random act, and more determined, by a series of factors, not so benign, each one a contributing cause of my son’s death.
Steven was killed not by accident, but by horribly connected actions, and inaction’s, of many others, each building on the impact of the other. Steven’s death began when distinct acts of design and error grew to become the chaos of negligence.
Steven was killed by the lack of highway signage, a secret California State cover up of a structurally flawed highway design known as a “death trap”, whose design errors were deliberately never corrected,violating the written safety codes of the same government department responsible for building the highway, and the carelessness of a local community program, having a gathering, unaware that their visitors, were parking, turning, merging, clogging this already too narrow stretch of road that had no separate turning lanes.
Steven was killed by a 21 year old drug impaired driver, who did not even have a driver’s license, an illegal alien. His danger to others not in his thoughts, but mostly I think he just didn’t care about the effects of his irresponsible actions on Steven.
Steven was killed by an army of first responders, Paramedics, Emergency Medical Technicians, Police, Firefighters, and Park Rangers, etc., busy littering the highway with equipment, while they tried to look busy and important.
Steven courageously lived for about an hour after the collision while multiple systems of rescue professionals failed to get him to the hospital, and were unable to properly provide a minimum standard of the medical skills that they were trained to perform.
The first responders panicked, although Steven was breathing on his own, they performed an unnecessary medical procedure that they had never before done in their life. It is called a Needle Cricothyroidotomy which they failed to do properly and in doing this they missed his airway, suffocating him, vital oxygen crushing against his heart, lungs and diaphragm, taking his breath away, and horrifically killing him.
The responder’s mission, to keep Steven medically stabilized for triage care at the Hospital, failed, lost in a few hundred square feet of disorder, with no one in charge, no one leading, standing, telling, helping, shouting, or recognizing the obvious signs of their medical errors.
My son Steven was killed by carelessness, thoughtlessness, and negligence on the part of multiple entities and individuals.
A gifted, talented, precious, irreplaceable, meaningful life was stolen from all of us who loved him deeply, because of the actions of so many who, each in their own way, miserably failed to help Steven, all destroying Steven’s life.
I cannot believe that my son Steven lies buried in a grave so young, me dreaming of things that he was and might have been.
I am not religious, nor do I believe in god, so the traditional Mourners Kaddish prayer for Steven are meaningless words to me.
I have written my own Mourners Kaddish as a way to honor Steven, and I post it every year at this time.
It is my way of expressing that Steven left behind a legacy of goodness, and worthy descendants, those who loved him, who will always remember that he lived.
These sentences speak directly to Steven, because his pain and loss need to be honestly described in real words that accurately reflect my true feelings.
STEVEN NATHANIEL WOLKOFF’S MOURNERS KADDISH
Steven Nathaniel Wolkoff, Shmuel Nacham Ben Yaakov, (Samuel Nathan, Son of Jerry).
September 23, 1977- June 21, 2008
I am sorry that you are dead.
I am sorry you suffered so painfully, on that awful day, as you fought to stay alive.
I am sorry for the agony you felt, I see it in your eyes, face, and body from the horrific evidence photos. I see and feel it in my endless nightmares.
I am sorry for the fear, terror, unimaginable pain you felt in fighting for your life, as they killed you. I know the truth of your courage in being able to fight so bravely to stay alive.
I am sorry for you because you were not killed by accident, but instead by the senseless, stupid, careless, actions of so many others who could have saved your life, but instead, each in their own way, miserably failed you that day, never realizing or even considering taking responsibility, or accountability for the consequences of their actions, inaction’s, indifference, and incompetence.
I am sorry you died not due to fate, nor randomly, but were instead killed by the cascading chaos of connected, dysfunctional, defective entities and others, all who caused your preventable death.
I am sorry that you died because the State of California did not care about your life and decided not to fix a dangerously unsafe road, instead they deliberately hid the structural defects in the highway that made it into a death trap.
I am sorry that you died because of the 21 year old drug impaired driver speeding out of control into your car. His danger to you not in his thoughts, but mostly I think he just didn’t care about the effects of his irresponsible actions.
I am sorry about the inept, licensed, qualified, medical first responders who had no idea, not a clue, of what they were doing medically to you as they killed you. They have no consciences and lied afterward to hide how they murdered you in cold blood.
I am sorry for you, that so many corrupt, ugly cowards of evil, who have evidence of the truth, but have no conscience to speak up, remain silent, lie, omit, refuse to come forward to admit their responsibility in covering up the true facts that all contributed to killing you.
I am sorry for those whose toxic evil allowed all of the above to be done to you and escaped from being held accountable for participating in your death.
I am sorry that your soul and body were desecrated in death.
I am sorry for the wicked hideous ones who desecrated your body in death and refuse to take accountability for their violation of your body, your soul.
I am sorry that it has took us five years to finally successfully legally force the spiteful, hateful,evil San Mateo County Coroner to release your final remains for proper burial.
I am sorry that you died in spite of the true medical facts that show you should be alive today.
I am sorry for all the multitude of evil ones who have tried to defame you and disrespect your name, your life.
I am sorry that life is so cheap and yours has no value to those who killed you, trying to erase you ever existed.
I am sorry that the Legal system is weak, corrupt and I was not able to obtain justice for you. I failed to accomplish getting that Justice for you, please forgive me.
I am sorry for my failing as your father to keep you from dying.
I am sorry you did not leave the beach one second earlier or later to return home that day of June, 21, 2008.
I am sorry that I was not there to protect you.
I am sorry that I was not there that day to comfort you, hold you, ease your pain.
I am sorry that I don’t know the last thoughts in your mind before you died.
I am sorry that you died alone, with strangers, and no one even had the courage, kindness to hold your hand.
I am sorry that you died lying on a hot highway pavement, in a place unfamiliar, in the middle of nowhere.
I am sorry that no one had the decency to cover your right arm and both feet, as you lay dead under the blue tarp.
I am sorry the Medvac trauma helicopter was delayed in arriving there by 4 minutes, too late to stop the killer first responders from touching you.
I am sorry that I was not even able to protect your dignity in death.
I am sorry you cannot cry.
I am sorry you cannot scream.
I am sorry you cannot laugh.
I am sorry you cannot smile.
I am sorry you cannot feel.
I am sorry you cannot talk.
I am sorry you cannot breathe.
I am sorry you are silent forever.
I am sorry that the world said nothing, heard nothing, says nothing about the injustices done to you.
I am sorry that it was you and not me.
I am sorry that I had to bury you and that you didn’t bury me first, as it should be.
I am sorry for everything that I forgot to say now, or cannot, and did not say here.
I am sorry for YOU because you are not here, you are NO MORE on this earth.
I am sorry that you cannot rest in peace.
More than anything, I am sorry that you didn’t have a chance to say goodbye to those you loved.
Your family will always honor you, remember you, miss you, keep you in our heart, preserve your memory in lovingly telling future generations about you, and love you forever.
We all miss you so very much.
I mourn what was, what could of been, and what will never be.
You deserved so much better my son, it just wasn’t meant to be.
Your brother, sister, mother, family, and others who love you, will do the same. We will never forget YOU, never stop loving you, our precious beloved Steven. NEVER.
Steven, I can only say, I am SORRY, SORRY, I am so SORRY.
My heart is broken, my Steven is gone, and we will mourn forever.
Hebrew -Amen. Love, Dad.
August 9, 2018 at 8:31 am
You’ve been on my mind a lot recently Steven. Forever a part of me. Never Forgotten 💕
September 23, 2018 at 1:35 am
ANOTHER BIRTHDAY
ANOTHER BIRTHDAY
My older son Steven Nathaniel Wolkoff would have been 41 years old today.
What can a parent say on the birthday of their dead child?
A living child asks for a birthday party.
As they become older, you, as the parent, ask them what they want for their birthday. There’s dialogue.
It’s tradition to remember your child’s birthday, to not do so ignores that they lived.
But what exactly is a parent supposed to do on the birthday of their child when he is gone?
Not gone, as in out of town or at the beach, or out of the country. Gone as in, no longer alive.
A dead child doesn’t want.
A dead son asks for nothing.
What does a mom or dad do?
Where’s the rule book for recognizing birthdays of a dead child?
Steven was born on the first day of Fall and died on the first day of Summer.
There is something odd to me about the the significance of the equinox and solstice in his life and its parallel meaning to the Earth.
If the autumnal equinox represents balance, then the summer solstice was most certainly the day we felt our world come to a deafening halt on the longest day of the year.
Steven lies dead in a grave because of the negligence and indifference of those who killed him, stole his life at the age of 30, and have tried to erase that he ever lived.
I mourn what was, what could of been, and what will never be.
You deserved so much better my son, it just wasn’t meant to be.
Love, Dad
October 1, 2018 at 9:15 pm
Time flies. 10 years is a long time. But not long enough to heal the wound that cannot be healed. A dark day began when the sun came down and forgot to rise. The night is long. Who will survive the night? Who will be there to meet the sun when it finally comes up? Somebody will…
June 21, 2019 at 12:55 am
STEVEN NATHANIEL WOLKOFF-SEPTEMBER 23, 1977- JUNE 21, 2008
………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………
LISTEN TO AN ORIGINAL INSTRUMENTAL WRITTEN & COMPOSED IN MEMORY OF STEVEN NATHANIEL WOLKOFF, CALLED “STEVEN’S SONG”.
CLICK ON THIS LINK https://stevewolkoff.com/884-2/
This composition is a quiet and moving work and is meant to serve as a tribute to the life of Steven Wolkoff. It makes use of simple but haunting harmonies and a melody that will stay with the listener long after its final notes have finished sounding.
SEPTEMBER 23, 1977- JUNE 21, 2008
BELOVED SON, BROTHER,GRANDSON,
NEPHEW, COUSIN, CHERISHED LOVE
GOOD FRIEND
GENTLY THEY GO,
THE BEAUTIFUL,
THE TENDER, THE KIND
FOREVER IN OUR HEARTS
FRIDAY, JUNE 21,2019
Today is the anniversary of the eleventh year of an eternity in agony, marking the horrific day, June 21, 2008, that my oldest child, Steven Nathaniel Wolkoff, was cruelly killed at the age of 30, his life brutally stolen from him, family, friends, me.
I dread the coming of this day every year.
Steven died on the first day of Summer, it was 5 PM on a Saturday afternoon, exactly 11 years ago.
It seems so much longer than 11 years have gone by since we lost him.
I still feel that it cannot be true, somehow suddenly he will appear, call me on the phone, or send me an email. That feeling never leaves, it is always there, I will wake up from this nightmare, and Steven will be here, alive.
There are mornings that I wake up believing for a few seconds that Steven is alive and it was just a horrible nightmare that he is dead. Then the reality strikes me full force in the face and gut,that he is dead forever, how can that be?
Oh how he loved the summer months and life itself. He was looking forward to it all, never realizing that his life would end that day in 2008.
I posted the other pictures above of Steven because they are some of my favorite ones, and also he is so real, alive in them, and for a second, he seems to actually be here.
Today, on this eleventh anniversary of Steven’s tragic death, if you can, please take a moment now to remember who Steven was and how deeply he is missed by each of us.
The last time I spoke to Steven, was on the phone,Tuesday evening, June 17 , 2008.
I didn’t know that moment was going to be our last.
The last time I would talk to you, and hear your beautiful voice.
The last time I would tell you that I loved you, and hear you say “I love you too dad”. Strong and so real, so vibrant and alive.
A smiling face, with twinkling eyes, your special smile, my fine young man, my oldest child.
The shattered remnant of my heart with holes so black and fathomless no light can ever fill. I am and will be in shock forever.
Time has passed before me, so bleak and dark and long, the wind that whispers through the trees, the brightest star at night, the rain on a dismal day, my endless dreams, nightmares, the constant thoughts, hearing the door bell ringing, seeing the 2 Nassau County Policeman at my door at 4 AM asking me politely if they could come inside, no eye contact from them.
I knew and asked them “which one of my children”, their response “do you have a son Steven living in San Francisco, he was killed in a car collision”.
That moment is frozen in my mind, repeating itself endlessly almost every waking and sleeping moment of my life.
The tragic death of Steven was caused by stupid, senseless acts. Every day, each night, my mind is focused on the highway at the collision, looking at the photos of Steven’s face while he is alive on a stretcher placed on the highway and then later, he is dead, covered by a tarp on that same highway.
The collision seems less a random act, and more determined, by a series of factors, not so benign, each one a contributing cause of my son’s death.
Steven was killed not by accident, but by horribly connected actions, and inaction’s, of many others, each building on the impact of the other. Steven’s death began when distinct acts of design and error grew to become the chaos of negligence.
Steven was killed by the lack of highway signage, a secret California State cover up of a structurally flawed highway design known as a “death trap”, whose design errors were deliberately never corrected,violating the written safety codes of the same government department responsible for building the highway, and the carelessness of a local community program, having a gathering, unaware that their visitors, were parking, turning, merging, clogging this already too narrow stretch of road that had no separate turning lanes.
Steven was killed by a 21 year old drug impaired driver, who did not even have a driver’s license, an illegal alien. His danger to others not in his thoughts, but mostly I think he just didn’t care about the effects of his irresponsible actions on Steven.
Steven was killed by an army of first responders, Paramedics, Emergency Medical Technicians, Police, Firefighters, and Park Rangers, etc., busy littering the highway with equipment, while they tried to look busy and important.
Steven courageously lived for about an hour after the collision while multiple systems of rescue professionals failed to get him to the hospital, and were unable to properly provide a minimum standard of the medical skills that they were trained to perform.
The first responders panicked, although Steven was breathing on his own, they performed an unnecessary medical procedure that they had never before done in their life. It is called a Needle Cricothyroidotomy which they failed to do properly and in doing this they missed his airway, suffocating him, vital oxygen crushing against his heart, lungs and diaphragm, taking his breath away, and horrifically killing him.
The responder’s mission, to keep Steven medically stabilized for triage care at the Hospital, failed, lost in a few hundred square feet of disorder, with no one in charge, no one leading, standing, telling, helping, shouting, or recognizing the obvious signs of their medical errors.
My son Steven was killed by carelessness, thoughtlessness, and negligence on the part of multiple entities and individuals.
A gifted, talented, precious, irreplaceable, meaningful life was stolen from all of us who loved him deeply, because of the actions of so many who, each in their own way, miserably failed to help Steven, all destroying Steven’s life.
I cannot believe that my son Steven lies buried in a grave so young, me dreaming of things that he was and might have been.
I am not religious, nor do I believe in god, so the traditional Mourners Kaddish prayer for Steven are meaningless words to me.
I have written my own Mourners Kaddish as a way to honor Steven, and I post it every year at this time.
It is my way of expressing that Steven left behind a legacy of goodness, and worthy descendants, those who loved him, who will always remember that he lived.
These sentences speak directly to Steven, because his pain and loss need to be honestly described in real words that accurately reflect my true feelings.
STEVEN NATHANIEL WOLKOFF’S MOURNERS KADDISH
Steven Nathaniel Wolkoff, Shmuel Nacham Ben Yaakov, (Samuel Nathan, Son of Jerry).
September 23, 1977- June 21, 2008
I am sorry that you are dead.
I am sorry you suffered so painfully, on that awful day, as you fought to stay alive.
I am sorry for the agony you felt, I see it in your eyes, face, and body from the horrific evidence photos. I see and feel it in my endless nightmares.
I am sorry for the fear, terror, unimaginable pain you felt in fighting for your life, as they killed you. I know the truth of your courage in being able to fight so bravely to stay alive.
I am sorry for you because you were not killed by accident, but instead by the senseless, stupid, careless, actions of so many others who could have saved your life, but instead, each in their own way, miserably failed you that day, never realizing or even considering taking responsibility, or accountability for the consequences of their actions, inaction’s, indifference, and incompetence.
I am sorry you died not due to fate, nor randomly, but were instead killed by the cascading chaos of connected, dysfunctional, defective entities and others, all who caused your preventable death.
I am sorry that you died because the State of California did not care about your life and decided not to fix a dangerously unsafe road, instead they deliberately hid the structural defects in the highway that made it into a death trap.
I am sorry that you died because of the 21 year old drug impaired driver speeding out of control into your car. His danger to you not in his thoughts, but mostly I think he just didn’t care about the effects of his irresponsible actions.
I am sorry about the inept, licensed, qualified, medical first responders who had no idea, not a clue, of what they were doing medically to you as they killed you. They have no consciences and lied afterward to hide how they murdered you in cold blood.
I am sorry for you, that so many corrupt, ugly cowards of evil, who have evidence of the truth, but have no conscience to speak up, remain silent, lie, omit, refuse to come forward to admit their responsibility in covering up the true facts that all contributed to killing you.
I am sorry for those whose toxic evil allowed all of the above to be done to you and escaped from being held accountable for participating in your death.
I am sorry that your soul and body were desecrated in death.
I am sorry for the wicked hideous ones who desecrated your body in death and refuse to take accountability for their violation of your body, your soul.
I am sorry that it has took us five years to finally successfully legally force the spiteful, hateful,evil San Mateo County Coroner to release your final remains for proper burial.
I am sorry that you died in spite of the true medical facts that show you should be alive today.
I am sorry for all the multitude of evil ones who have tried to defame you and disrespect your name, your life.
I am sorry that life is so cheap and yours has no value to those who killed you, trying to erase you ever existed.
I am sorry that the Legal system is weak, corrupt and I was not able to obtain justice for you. I failed to accomplish getting that Justice for you, please forgive me.
I am sorry for my failing as your father to keep you from dying.
I am sorry you did not leave the beach one second earlier or later to return home that day of June, 21, 2008.
I am sorry that I was not there to protect you.
I am sorry that I was not there that day to comfort you, hold you, ease your pain.
I am sorry that I don’t know the last thoughts in your mind before you died.
I am sorry that you died alone, with strangers, and no one even had the courage, kindness to hold your hand.
I am sorry that you died lying on a hot highway pavement, in a place unfamiliar, in the middle of nowhere.
I am sorry that no one had the decency to cover your right arm and both feet, as you lay dead under the blue tarp.
I am sorry the Medvac trauma helicopter was delayed in arriving there by 4 minutes, too late to stop the killer first responders from touching you.
I am sorry that I was not even able to protect your dignity in death.
I am sorry you cannot cry.
I am sorry you cannot scream.
I am sorry you cannot laugh.
I am sorry you cannot smile.
I am sorry you cannot feel.
I am sorry you cannot talk.
I am sorry you cannot breathe.
I am sorry you are silent forever.
I am sorry that the world said nothing, heard nothing, says nothing about the injustices done to you.
I am sorry that it was you and not me.
I am sorry that I had to bury you and that you didn’t bury me first, as it should be.
I am sorry for everything that I forgot to say now, or cannot, and did not say here.
I am sorry for YOU because you are not here, you are NO MORE on this earth.
I am sorry that you cannot rest in peace.
More than anything, I am sorry that you didn’t have a chance to say goodbye to those you loved.
Your family will always honor you, remember you, miss you, keep you in our heart, preserve your memory in lovingly telling future generations about you, and love you forever.
We all miss you so very much.
I mourn what was, what could of been, and what will never be.
You deserved so much better my son, it just wasn’t meant to be.
Your brother, sister, mother, family, and others who love you, will do the same. We will never forget YOU, never stop loving you, our precious beloved Steven. NEVER.
Steven, I can only say, I am SORRY, SORRY, I am so SORRY.
My heart is broken, my Steven is gone, and we will mourn forever.
Hebrew -Amen. Love, Dad.
June 21, 2020 at 11:42 am
A Dark Day
STEVEN NATHANIEL WOLKOFF-SEPTEMBER 23, 1977- JUNE 21, 2008
………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………
LISTEN TO AN ORIGINAL INSTRUMENTAL WRITTEN & COMPOSED IN MEMORY OF STEVEN NATHANIEL WOLKOFF, CALLED “STEVEN’S SONG”.
CLICK ON THIS LINK https://stevewolkoff.com/884-2/
This composition is a quiet and moving work and is meant to serve as a tribute to the life of Steven Wolkoff. It makes use of simple but haunting harmonies and a melody that will stay with the listener long after its final notes have finished sounding.
SEPTEMBER 23, 1977- JUNE 21, 2008
BELOVED SON, BROTHER,GRANDSON,
NEPHEW, COUSIN, CHERISHED LOVE
GOOD FRIEND
GENTLY THEY GO,
THE BEAUTIFUL,
THE TENDER, THE KIND
FOREVER IN OUR HEARTS
SUNDAY, JUNE 21,2020
Today is the anniversary of the 12th year of an eternity in agony, marking the horrific day, June 21, 2008, that my oldest child, Steven Nathaniel Wolkoff, was cruelly killed at the age of 30, his life brutally stolen from him, family, friends, me.
I dread the coming of this day every year.
Steven died on the first day of Summer, it was 5 PM on a Saturday afternoon, exactly 12 years ago.
It seems so much longer than 12 years have gone by since we lost him.
I still feel that it cannot be true, somehow suddenly he will appear, call me on the phone, or send me an email. That feeling never leaves, it is always there, I will wake up from this nightmare, and Steven will be here, alive.
There are mornings that I wake up believing for a few seconds that Steven is alive and it was just a horrible nightmare that he is dead. Then the reality strikes me full force in the face and gut,that he is dead forever, how can that be?
Oh how he loved the summer months and life itself. He was looking forward to it all, never realizing that his life would end that day in 2008.
I posted the other pictures above of Steven because they are some of my favorite ones, and also he is so real, alive in them, and for a second, he seems to actually be here.
Today, on this 12th anniversary of Steven’s tragic death, if you can, please take a moment now to remember who Steven was and how deeply he is missed by each of us.
The last time I spoke to Steven, was on the phone,Tuesday evening, June 17 , 2008.
I didn’t know that moment was going to be our last.
The last time I would talk to you, and hear your beautiful voice.
The last time I would tell you that I loved you, and hear you say “I love you too dad”. Strong and so real, so vibrant and alive.
A smiling face, with twinkling eyes, your special smile, my fine young man, my oldest child.
The shattered remnant of my heart with holes so black and fathomless no light can ever fill. I am and will be in shock forever.
Time has passed before me, so bleak and dark and long, the wind that whispers through the trees, the brightest star at night, the rain on a dismal day, my endless dreams, nightmares, the constant thoughts, hearing the door bell ringing, seeing the 2 Nassau County Policeman at my door at 4 AM asking me politely if they could come inside, no eye contact from them.
I knew and asked them “which one of my children”, their response “do you have a son Steven living in San Francisco, he was killed in a car collision”.
That moment is frozen in my mind, repeating itself endlessly almost every waking and sleeping moment of my life.
The tragic death of Steven was caused by stupid, senseless acts. Every day, each night, my mind is focused on the highway at the collision, looking at the photos of Steven’s face while he is alive on a stretcher placed on the highway and then later, he is dead, covered by a tarp on that same highway.
The collision seems less a random act, and more determined, by a series of factors, not so benign, each one a contributing cause of my son’s death.
Steven was killed not by accident, but by horribly connected actions, and inaction’s, of many others, each building on the impact of the other. Steven’s death began when distinct acts of design and error grew to become the chaos of negligence.
Steven was killed by the lack of highway signage, a secret California State cover up of a structurally flawed highway design known as a “death trap”, whose design errors were deliberately never corrected,violating the written safety codes of the same government department responsible for building the highway, and the carelessness of a local community program, having a gathering, unaware that their visitors, were parking, turning, merging, clogging this already too narrow stretch of road that had no separate turning lanes.
Steven was killed by a 21 year old drug impaired driver, who did not even have a driver’s license, an illegal alien. His danger to others not in his thoughts, but mostly I think he just didn’t care about the effects of his irresponsible actions on Steven.
Steven was killed by an army of first responders, Paramedics, Emergency Medical Technicians, Police, Firefighters, and Park Rangers, etc., busy littering the highway with equipment, while they tried to look busy and important.
Steven courageously lived for about an hour after the collision while multiple systems of rescue professionals failed to get him to the hospital, and were unable to properly provide a minimum standard of the medical skills that they were trained to perform.
The first responders panicked, although Steven was breathing on his own, they performed an unnecessary medical procedure that they had never before done in their life. It is called a Needle Cricothyroidotomy which they failed to do properly and in doing this they missed his airway, suffocating him, vital oxygen crushing against his heart, lungs and diaphragm, taking his breath away, and horrifically killing him.
The responder’s mission, to keep Steven medically stabilized for triage care at the Hospital, failed, lost in a few hundred square feet of disorder, with no one in charge, no one leading, standing, telling, helping, shouting, or recognizing the obvious signs of their medical errors.
My son Steven was killed by carelessness, thoughtlessness, and negligence on the part of multiple entities and individuals.
A gifted, talented, precious, irreplaceable, meaningful life was stolen from all of us who loved him deeply, because of the actions of so many who, each in their own way, miserably failed to help Steven, all destroying Steven’s life.
I cannot believe that my son Steven lies buried in a grave so young, me dreaming of things that he was and might have been.
I am not religious, nor do I believe in god, so the traditional Mourners Kaddish prayer for Steven are meaningless words to me.
I have written my own Mourners Kaddish as a way to honor Steven, and I post it every year at this time.
It is my way of expressing that Steven left behind a legacy of goodness, and worthy descendants, those who loved him, who will always remember that he lived.
These sentences speak directly to Steven, because his pain and loss need to be honestly described in real words that accurately reflect my true feelings.
STEVEN NATHANIEL WOLKOFF’S MOURNERS KADDISH
Steven Nathaniel Wolkoff, Shmuel Nacham Ben Yaakov, (Samuel Nathan, Son of Jerry).
September 23, 1977- June 21, 2008
I am sorry that you are dead.
I am sorry you suffered so painfully, on that awful day, as you fought to stay alive.
I am sorry for the agony you felt, I see it in your eyes, face, and body from the horrific evidence photos. I see and feel it in my endless nightmares.
I am sorry for the fear, terror, unimaginable pain you felt in fighting for your life, as they killed you. I know the truth of your courage in being able to fight so bravely to stay alive.
I am sorry for you because you were not killed by accident, but instead by the senseless, stupid, careless, actions of so many others who could have saved your life, but instead, each in their own way, miserably failed you that day, never realizing or even considering taking responsibility, or accountability for the consequences of their actions, inaction’s, indifference, and incompetence.
I am sorry you died not due to fate, nor randomly, but were instead killed by the cascading chaos of connected, dysfunctional, defective entities and others, all who caused your preventable death.
I am sorry that you died because the State of California did not care about your life and decided not to fix a dangerously unsafe road, instead they deliberately hid the structural defects in the highway that made it into a death trap.
I am sorry that you died because of the 21 year old drug impaired driver speeding out of control into your car. His danger to you not in his thoughts, but mostly I think he just didn’t care about the effects of his irresponsible actions.
I am sorry about the inept, licensed, qualified, medical first responders who had no idea, not a clue, of what they were doing medically to you as they killed you. They have no consciences and lied afterward to hide how they murdered you in cold blood.
I am sorry for you, that so many corrupt, ugly cowards of evil, who have evidence of the truth, but have no conscience to speak up, remain silent, lie, omit, refuse to come forward to admit their responsibility in covering up the true facts that all contributed to killing you.
I am sorry for those whose toxic evil allowed all of the above to be done to you and escaped from being held accountable for participating in your death.
I am sorry that your soul and body were desecrated in death.
I am sorry for the wicked hideous ones who desecrated your body in death and refuse to take accountability for their violation of your body, your soul.
I am sorry that it has took us five years to finally successfully legally force the spiteful, hateful,evil San Mateo County Coroner to release your final remains for proper burial.
I am sorry that you died in spite of the true medical facts that show you should be alive today.
I am sorry for all the multitude of evil ones who have tried to defame you and disrespect your name, your life.
I am sorry that life is so cheap and yours has no value to those who killed you, trying to erase you ever existed.
I am sorry that the Legal system is weak, corrupt and I was not able to obtain justice for you. I failed to accomplish getting that Justice for you, please forgive me.
I am sorry for my failing as your father to keep you from dying.
I am sorry you did not leave the beach one second earlier or later to return home that day of June, 21, 2008.
I am sorry that I was not there to protect you.
I am sorry that I was not there that day to comfort you, hold you, ease your pain.
I am sorry that I don’t know the last thoughts in your mind before you died.
I am sorry that you died alone, with strangers, and no one even had the courage, kindness to hold your hand.
I am sorry that you died lying on a hot highway pavement, in a place unfamiliar, in the middle of nowhere.
I am sorry that no one had the decency to cover your right arm and both feet, as you lay dead under the blue tarp.
I am sorry the Medvac trauma helicopter was delayed in arriving there by 4 minutes, too late to stop the killer first responders from touching you.
I am sorry that I was not even able to protect your dignity in death.
I am sorry you cannot cry.
I am sorry you cannot scream.
I am sorry you cannot laugh.
I am sorry you cannot smile.
I am sorry you cannot feel.
I am sorry you cannot talk.
I am sorry you cannot breathe.
I am sorry you are silent forever.
I am sorry that the world said nothing, heard nothing, says nothing about the injustices done to you.
I am sorry that it was you and not me.
I am sorry that I had to bury you and that you didn’t bury me first, as it should be.
I am sorry for everything that I forgot to say now, or cannot, and did not say here.
I am sorry for YOU because you are not here, you are NO MORE on this earth.
I am sorry that you cannot rest in peace.
More than anything, I am sorry that you didn’t have a chance to say goodbye to those you loved.
Your family will always honor you, remember you, miss you, keep you in our heart, preserve your memory in lovingly telling future generations about you, and love you forever.
We all miss you so very much.
I mourn what was, what could of been, and what will never be.
You deserved so much better my son, it just wasn’t meant to be.
Your brother, sister, mother, family, and others who love you, will do the same. We will never forget YOU, never stop loving you, our precious beloved Steven. NEVER.
Steven, I can only say, I am SORRY, SORRY, I am so SORRY.
My heart is broken, my Steven is gone, and we will mourn forever.
Hebrew -Amen. Love, Dad.
September 23, 2020 at 1:26 pm
ANOTHER BIRTHDAY
My older son Steven Nathaniel Wolkoff would have been 43 years old today.
What can a parent say on the birthday of their dead child?
A living child asks for a birthday party.
As they become older, you, as the parent, ask them what they want for their birthday. There’s dialogue.
It’s tradition to remember your child’s birthday, to not do so ignores that they lived.
But what exactly is a parent supposed to do on the birthday of their child when he is gone?
Not gone, as in out of town or at the beach, or out of the country. Gone as in, no longer alive.
A dead child doesn’t want.
A dead son asks for nothing.
What does a mom or dad do?
Where’s the rule book for recognizing birthdays of a dead child?
Steven was born on the first day of Fall and died on the first day of Summer.
There is something odd to me about the the significance of the equinox and solstice in his life and its parallel meaning to the Earth.
If the autumnal equinox represents balance, then the summer solstice was most certainly the day we felt our world come to a deafening halt on the longest day of the year.
Steven lies dead in a grave because of the negligence and indifference of those who killed him, stole his life at the age of 30, and have tried to erase that he ever lived.
I mourn what was, what could of been, and what will never be.
You deserved so much better my son, it just wasn’t meant to be.
Love, Dad
September 23, 2020 at 2:53 pm
My heart still hurts, and the tears still fall. I am so sorry I couldnt have done more that day! I will never forget the panic and I can not begin to understand your pain. This tragedy will forever be etched into my very being and I will carry the memory of your sweet Son with me for all my life. He will never be forgotten. May he Rest In Peace.
December 14, 2020 at 10:18 pm
Thank you Paige for keeping Steven in your heart and not forgetting him. I appreciate your kind thoughts and feelings. Jerry
June 21, 2021 at 1:15 am
A Dark Day
STEVEN NATHANIEL WOLKOFF-SEPTEMBER 23, 1977- JUNE 21, 2008
LISTEN TO AN ORIGINAL INSTRUMENTAL WRITTEN & COMPOSED IN MEMORY OF STEVEN NATHANIEL WOLKOFF, CALLED “STEVEN’S SONG”.
CLICK ON THIS LINK https://stevewolkoff.com/884-2/
This composition is a quiet and moving work and is meant to serve as a tribute to the life of Steven Wolkoff. It makes use of simple but haunting harmonies and a melody that will stay with the listener long after its final notes have finished sounding.
SEPTEMBER 23, 1977- JUNE 21, 2008
BELOVED SON, BROTHER,GRANDSON,
NEPHEW, COUSIN, CHERISHED LOVE
GOOD FRIEND
GENTLY THEY GO,
THE BEAUTIFUL,
THE TENDER, THE KIND
FOREVER IN OUR HEARTS
Today is the anniversary of the 13th year of an eternity in agony, marking the horrific day, June 21, 2008, that my oldest child, Steven Nathaniel Wolkoff, was cruelly killed at the age of 30, his life brutally stolen from him, family, friends, me.
I dread the coming of this day every year.
Steven died on the first day of Summer, it was 5 PM on a Saturday afternoon, exactly 13 years ago.
It seems so much longer than 13 years have gone by since we lost him.
I still feel that it cannot be true, somehow suddenly he will appear, call me on the phone, or send me an email. That feeling never leaves, it is always there, I will wake up from this nightmare, and Steven will be here, alive.
There are mornings that I wake up believing for a few seconds that Steven is alive and it was just a horrible nightmare that he is dead. Then the reality strikes me full force in the face and gut,that he is dead forever, how can that be?
Oh how he loved the summer months and life itself. He was looking forward to it all, never realizing that his life would end that day in 2008.
I posted the other pictures above of Steven because they are some of my favorite ones, and also he is so real, alive in them, and for a second, he seems to actually be here.
Today, on this 13th anniversary of Steven’s tragic death, if you can, please take a moment now to remember who Steven was and how deeply he is missed by each of us.
The last time I spoke to Steven, was on the phone,Tuesday evening, June 17 , 2008.
I didn’t know that moment was going to be our last.
The last time I would talk to you, and hear your beautiful voice.
The last time I would tell you that I loved you, and hear you say “I love you too dad”. Strong and so real, so vibrant and alive.
A smiling face, with twinkling eyes, your special smile, my fine young man, my oldest child.
The shattered remnant of my heart with holes so black and fathomless no light can ever fill. I am and will be in shock forever.
Time has passed before me, so bleak and dark and long, the wind that whispers through the trees, the brightest star at night, the rain on a dismal day, my endless dreams, nightmares, the constant thoughts, hearing the door bell ringing, seeing the 2 Nassau County Policeman at my door at 4 AM asking me politely if they could come inside, no eye contact from them.
I knew and asked them “which one of my children”, their response “do you have a son Steven living in San Francisco, he was killed in a car collision”.
That moment is frozen in my mind, repeating itself endlessly almost every waking and sleeping moment of my life.
The tragic death of Steven was caused by stupid, senseless acts. Every day, each night, my mind is focused on the highway at the collision, looking at the photos of Steven’s face while he is alive on a stretcher placed on the highway and then later, he is dead, covered by a tarp on that same highway.
The collision seems less a random act, and more determined, by a series of factors, not so benign, each one a contributing cause of my son’s death.
Steven was killed not by accident, but by horribly connected actions, and inaction’s, of many others, each building on the impact of the other. Steven’s death began when distinct acts of design and error grew to become the chaos of negligence.
Steven was killed by the lack of highway signage, a secret California State cover up of a structurally flawed highway design known as a “death trap”, whose design errors were deliberately never corrected,violating the written safety codes of the same government department responsible for building the highway, and the carelessness of a local community program, having a gathering, unaware that their visitors, were parking, turning, merging, clogging this already too narrow stretch of road that had no separate turning lanes.
Steven was killed by a 21 year old drug impaired driver, who did not even have a driver’s license, an illegal alien. His danger to others not in his thoughts, but mostly I think he just didn’t care about the effects of his irresponsible actions on Steven.
Steven was killed by an army of first responders, Paramedics, Emergency Medical Technicians, Police, Firefighters, and Park Rangers, etc., busy littering the highway with equipment, while they tried to look busy and important.
Steven courageously lived for about an hour after the collision while multiple systems of rescue professionals failed to get him to the hospital, and were unable to properly provide a minimum standard of the medical skills that they were trained to perform.
The first responders panicked, although Steven was breathing on his own, they performed an unnecessary medical procedure that they had never before done in their life. It is called a Needle Cricothyroidotomy which they failed to do properly and in doing this they missed his airway, suffocating him, vital oxygen crushing against his heart, lungs and diaphragm, taking his breath away, and horrifically killing him.
The responder’s mission, to keep Steven medically stabilized for triage care at the Hospital, failed, lost in a few hundred square feet of disorder, with no one in charge, no one leading, standing, telling, helping, shouting, or recognizing the obvious signs of their medical errors.
My son Steven was killed by carelessness, thoughtlessness, and negligence on the part of multiple entities and individuals.
A gifted, talented, precious, irreplaceable, meaningful life was stolen from all of us who loved him deeply, because of the actions of so many who, each in their own way, miserably failed to help Steven, all destroying Steven’s life.
I cannot believe that my son Steven lies buried in a grave so young, me dreaming of things that he was and might have been.
I am not religious, nor do I believe in god, so the traditional Mourners Kaddish prayer for Steven are meaningless words to me.
I have written my own Mourners Kaddish as a way to honor Steven, and I post it every year at this time.
It is my way of expressing that Steven left behind a legacy of goodness, and worthy descendants, those who loved him, who will always remember that he lived.
These sentences speak directly to Steven, because his pain and loss need to be honestly described in real words that accurately reflect my true feelings.
STEVEN NATHANIEL WOLKOFF’S MOURNERS KADDISH
Steven Nathaniel Wolkoff, Shmuel Nacham Ben Yaakov, (Samuel Nathan, Son of Jerry).
September 23, 1977- June 21, 2008
I am sorry that you are dead.
I am sorry you suffered so painfully, on that awful day, as you fought to stay alive.
I am sorry for the agony you felt, I see it in your eyes, face, and body from the horrific evidence photos. I see and feel it in my endless nightmares.
I am sorry for the fear, terror, unimaginable pain you felt in fighting for your life, as they killed you. I know the truth of your courage in being able to fight so bravely to stay alive.
I am sorry for you because you were not killed by accident, but instead by the senseless, stupid, careless, actions of so many others who could have saved your life, but instead, each in their own way, miserably failed you that day, never realizing or even considering taking responsibility, or accountability for the consequences of their actions, inaction’s, indifference, and incompetence.
I am sorry you died not due to fate, nor randomly, but were instead killed by the cascading chaos of connected, dysfunctional, defective entities and others, all who caused your preventable death.
I am sorry that you died because the State of California did not care about your life and decided not to fix a dangerously unsafe road, instead they deliberately hid the structural defects in the highway that made it into a death trap.
I am sorry that you died because of the 21 year old drug impaired driver speeding out of control into your car. His danger to you not in his thoughts, but mostly I think he just didn’t care about the effects of his irresponsible actions.
I am sorry about the inept, licensed, qualified, medical first responders who had no idea, not a clue, of what they were doing medically to you as they killed you. They have no consciences and lied afterward to hide how they murdered you in cold blood.
I am sorry for you, that so many corrupt, ugly cowards of evil, who have evidence of the truth, but have no conscience to speak up, remain silent, lie, omit, refuse to come forward to admit their responsibility in covering up the true facts that all contributed to killing you.
I am sorry for those whose toxic evil allowed all of the above to be done to you and escaped from being held accountable for participating in your death.
I am sorry that your soul and body were desecrated in death.
I am sorry for the wicked hideous ones who desecrated your body in death and refuse to take accountability for their violation of your body, your soul.
I am sorry that it has took us five years to finally successfully legally force the spiteful, hateful,evil San Mateo County Coroner to release your final remains for proper burial.
I am sorry that you died in spite of the true medical facts that show you should be alive today.
I am sorry for all the multitude of evil ones who have tried to defame you and disrespect your name, your life.
I am sorry that life is so cheap and yours has no value to those who killed you, trying to erase you ever existed.
I am sorry that the Legal system is weak, corrupt and I was not able to obtain justice for you. I failed to accomplish getting that Justice for you, please forgive me.
I am sorry for my failing as your father to keep you from dying.
I am sorry you did not leave the beach one second earlier or later to return home that day of June, 21, 2008.
I am sorry that I was not there to protect you.
I am sorry that I was not there that day to comfort you, hold you, ease your pain.
I am sorry that I don’t know the last thoughts in your mind before you died.
I am sorry that you died alone, with strangers, and no one even had the courage, kindness to hold your hand.
I am sorry that you died lying on a hot highway pavement, in a place unfamiliar, in the middle of nowhere.
I am sorry that no one had the decency to cover your right arm and both feet, as you lay dead under the blue tarp.
I am sorry the Medvac trauma helicopter was delayed in arriving there by 4 minutes, too late to stop the killer first responders from touching you.
I am sorry that I was not even able to protect your dignity in death.
I am sorry you cannot cry.
I am sorry you cannot scream.
I am sorry you cannot laugh.
I am sorry you cannot smile.
I am sorry you cannot feel.
I am sorry you cannot talk.
I am sorry you cannot breathe.
I am sorry you are silent forever.
I am sorry that the world said nothing, heard nothing, says nothing about the injustices done to you.
I am sorry that it was you and not me.
I am sorry that I had to bury you and that you didn’t bury me first, as it should be.
I am sorry for everything that I forgot to say now, or cannot, and did not say here.
I am sorry for YOU because you are not here, you are NO MORE on this earth.
I am sorry that you cannot rest in peace.
More than anything, I am sorry that you didn’t have a chance to say goodbye to those you loved.
Your family will always honor you, remember you, miss you, keep you in our heart, preserve your memory in lovingly telling future generations about you, and love you forever.
We all miss you so very much.
I mourn what was, what could of been, and what will never be.
You deserved so much better my son, it just wasn’t meant to be.
Your brother, sister, mother, family, and others who love you, will do the same. We will never forget YOU, never stop loving you, our precious beloved Steven. NEVER.
Steven, I can only say, I am SORRY, SORRY, I am so SORRY.
My heart is broken, my Steven is gone, and we will mourn forever.
Hebrew -Amen. Love, Dad.
Reply
September 23, 2021 at 12:05 am
ANOTHER BIRTHDAY
My older son Steven Nathaniel Wolkoff would have been 44 years old today.
What can a parent say on the birthday of their dead child?
A living child asks for a birthday party.
As they become older, you, as the parent, ask them what they want for their birthday. There’s dialogue.
It’s tradition to remember your child’s birthday, to not do so ignores that they lived.
But what exactly is a parent supposed to do on the birthday of their child when he is gone?
Not gone, as in out of town or at the beach, or out of the country. Gone as in, no longer alive.
A dead child doesn’t want.
A dead son asks for nothing.
What does a mom or dad do?
Where’s the rule book for recognizing birthdays of a dead child?
Steven was born on the first day of Fall and died on the first day of Summer.
There is something odd to me about the the significance of the equinox and solstice in his life and its parallel meaning to the Earth.
If the autumnal equinox represents balance, then the summer solstice was most certainly the day we felt our world come to a deafening halt on the longest day of the year.
Steven lies dead in a grave because of the negligence and indifference of those who killed him, stole his life at the age of 30, and have tried to erase that he ever lived.
As each year passes by since our beloved Steven was killed, it becomes even more painful, more difficult to cope with the enormous loss we will forever feel in our souls, hearts, and our lives. Time does not heal the open wounds of our tragedy of losing our Son, our brother, Steven Nathaniel Wolkoff. We miss him so very much and our memories will live on in never forgetting his life, his name, and his loss. We weep for what could have been and the love that we all shared together. We cherish the precious time that you were with us and and will mourn your death forever, now and in future generations. You are so loved and missed by all of us.
We mourn what was, what could of been, and what will never be.
You deserved so much better my son, it just wasn’t meant to be.
Love, Dad
September 24, 2021 at 8:57 am
I think of you often, especially at this time of the year. It seems somehow sweeter to remember on your birthday than on that dark day. I will carry the trauma of that day with me forever and promise to say your name outloud to honor you and your family. You will forever be a part of me. My heart breaks for the world that has lost your beautiful spirit!!
September 24, 2021 at 11:40 am
Dear Paige: Thank you for your kind words and always keeping the memory of Steven alive in your heart. It is comforting to know that his life and tragic death will be remembered by you forever and not forgotten. Jerry Wolkoff.
June 21, 2022 at 1:51 pm
[…] that has passed since Steven so tragically died.To do so, simply go to the Reply Box by clicking on A Dark Day, or click […]
June 21, 2022 at 6:04 pm
Posted in Memoriam on June 21, 2022 by The Wolkoff Family
LISTEN TO AN ORIGINAL INSTRUMENTAL WRITTEN & COMPOSED IN MEMORY OF STEVEN NATHANIEL WOLKOFF, CALLED “STEVEN’S SONG”.
CLICK ON THIS LINK https://stevewolkoff.com/884-2/
This composition is a quiet and moving work and is meant to serve as a tribute to the life of Steven Wolkoff. It makes use of simple but haunting harmonies and a melody that will stay with the listener long after its final notes have finished sounding.
SEPTEMBER 23, 1977- JUNE 21, 2008
BELOVED SON, BROTHER,GRANDSON,
NEPHEW, COUSIN, CHERISHED LOVE
GOOD FRIEND
GENTLY THEY GO,
THE BEAUTIFUL,
THE TENDER, THE KIND
FOREVER IN OUR HEARTS
Today is the anniversary of the 14th year of an eternity in agony, marking the horrific day, June 21, 2008, that my oldest child, Steven Nathaniel Wolkoff, was cruelly killed at the age of 30, his life brutally stolen from him, family, friends, me.
I dread the coming of this day every year.
Steven died on the first day of Summer, it was 5 PM on a Saturday afternoon, exactly 14 years ago.
It seems so much longer than 14 years have gone by since we lost him.
I still feel that it cannot be true, somehow suddenly he will appear, call me on the phone, or send me an email. That feeling never leaves, it is always there, I will wake up from this nightmare, and Steven will be here, alive.
There are mornings that I wake up believing for a few seconds that Steven is alive and it was just a horrible nightmare that he is dead. Then the reality strikes me full force in the face and gut,that he is dead forever, how can that be?
Oh how he loved the summer months and life itself. He was looking forward to it all, never realizing that his life would end that day in 2008.
I posted the other pictures above of Steven because they are some of my favorite ones, and also he is so real, alive in them, and for a second, he seems to actually be here.
Today, on this 14th anniversary of Steven’s tragic death, if you can, please take a moment now to remember who Steven was and how deeply he is missed by each of us.
The last time I spoke to Steven, was on the phone,Tuesday evening, June 17 , 2008.
I didn’t know that moment was going to be our last.
The last time I would talk to you, and hear your beautiful voice.
The last time I would tell you that I loved you, and hear you say “I love you too dad”. Strong and so real, so vibrant and alive.
A smiling face, with twinkling eyes, your special smile, my fine young man, my oldest child.
The shattered remnant of my heart with holes so black and fathomless no light can ever fill. I am and will be in shock forever.
Time has passed before me, so bleak and dark and long, the wind that whispers through the trees, the brightest star at night, the rain on a dismal day, my endless dreams, nightmares, the constant thoughts, hearing the door bell ringing, seeing the 2 Nassau County Policeman at my door at 4 AM asking me politely if they could come inside, no eye contact from them.
I knew and asked them “which one of my children”, their response “do you have a son Steven living in San Francisco, he was killed in a car collision”.
That moment is frozen in my mind, repeating itself endlessly almost every waking and sleeping moment of my life.
The tragic death of Steven was caused by stupid, senseless acts. Every day, each night, my mind is focused on the highway at the collision, looking at the photos of Steven’s face while he is alive on a stretcher placed on the highway and then later, he is dead, covered by a tarp on that same highway.
The collision seems less a random act, and more determined, by a series of factors, not so benign, each one a contributing cause of my son’s death.
Steven was killed not by accident, but by horribly connected actions, and inaction’s, of many others, each building on the impact of the other. Steven’s death began when distinct acts of design and error grew to become the chaos of negligence.
Steven was killed by the lack of highway signage, a secret California State cover up of a structurally flawed highway design known as a “death trap”, whose design errors were deliberately never corrected,violating the written safety codes of the same government department responsible for building the highway, and the carelessness of a local community program, having a gathering, unaware that their visitors, were parking, turning, merging, clogging this already too narrow stretch of road that had no separate turning lanes.
Steven was killed by a 21 year old drug impaired driver, who did not even have a driver’s license, an illegal alien. His danger to others not in his thoughts, but mostly I think he just didn’t care about the effects of his irresponsible actions on Steven.
Steven was killed by an army of first responders, Paramedics, Emergency Medical Technicians, Police, Firefighters, and Park Rangers, etc., busy littering the highway with equipment, while they tried to look busy and important.
Steven courageously lived for about an hour after the collision while multiple systems of rescue professionals failed to get him to the hospital, and were unable to properly provide a minimum standard of the medical skills that they were trained to perform.
The first responders panicked, although Steven was breathing on his own, they performed an unnecessary medical procedure that they had never before done in their life. It is called a Needle Cricothyroidotomy which they failed to do properly and in doing this they missed his airway, suffocating him, vital oxygen crushing against his heart, lungs and diaphragm, taking his breath away, and horrifically killing him.
The responder’s mission, to keep Steven medically stabilized for triage care at the Hospital, failed, lost in a few hundred square feet of disorder, with no one in charge, no one leading, standing, telling, helping, shouting, or recognizing the obvious signs of their medical errors.
My son Steven was killed by carelessness, thoughtlessness, and negligence on the part of multiple entities and individuals.
A gifted, talented, precious, irreplaceable, meaningful life was stolen from all of us who loved him deeply, because of the actions of so many who, each in their own way, miserably failed to help Steven, all destroying Steven’s life.
I cannot believe that my son Steven lies buried in a grave so young, me dreaming of things that he was and might have been.
I am not religious, nor do I believe in god, so the traditional Mourners Kaddish prayer for Steven are meaningless words to me.
I have written my own Mourners Kaddish as a way to honor Steven, and I post it every year at this time.
It is my way of expressing that Steven left behind a legacy of goodness, and worthy descendants, those who loved him, who will always remember that he lived.
These sentences speak directly to Steven, because his pain and loss need to be honestly described in real words that accurately reflect my true feelings.
STEVEN NATHANIEL WOLKOFF’S MOURNERS KADDISH
Steven Nathaniel Wolkoff, Shmuel Nacham Ben Yaakov, (Samuel Nathan, Son of Jerry).
September 23, 1977- June 21, 2008
I am sorry that you are dead.
I am sorry you suffered so painfully, on that awful day, as you fought to stay alive.
I am sorry for the agony you felt, I see it in your eyes, face, and body from the horrific evidence photos. I see and feel it in my endless nightmares.
I am sorry for the fear, terror, unimaginable pain you felt in fighting for your life, as they killed you. I know the truth of your courage in being able to fight so bravely to stay alive.
I am sorry for you because you were not killed by accident, but instead by the senseless, stupid, careless, actions of so many others who could have saved your life, but instead, each in their own way, miserably failed you that day, never realizing or even considering taking responsibility, or accountability for the consequences of their actions, inaction’s, indifference, and incompetence.
I am sorry you died not due to fate, nor randomly, but were instead killed by the cascading chaos of connected, dysfunctional, defective entities and others, all who caused your preventable death.
I am sorry that you died because the State of California did not care about your life and decided not to fix a dangerously unsafe road, instead they deliberately hid the structural defects in the highway that made it into a death trap.
I am sorry that you died because of the 21 year old drug impaired driver speeding out of control into your car. His danger to you not in his thoughts, but mostly I think he just didn’t care about the effects of his irresponsible actions.
I am sorry about the inept, licensed, qualified, medical first responders who had no idea, not a clue, of what they were doing medically to you as they killed you. They have no consciences and lied afterward to hide how they murdered you in cold blood.
I am sorry for you, that so many corrupt, ugly cowards of evil, who have evidence of the truth, but have no conscience to speak up, remain silent, lie, omit, refuse to come forward to admit their responsibility in covering up the true facts that all contributed to killing you.
I am sorry for those whose toxic evil allowed all of the above to be done to you and escaped from being held accountable for participating in your death.
I am sorry that your soul and body were desecrated in death.
I am sorry for the wicked hideous ones who desecrated your body in death and refuse to take accountability for their violation of your body, your soul.
I am sorry that it has took us five years to finally successfully legally force the spiteful, hateful,evil San Mateo County Coroner to release your final remains for proper burial.
I am sorry that you died in spite of the true medical facts that show you should be alive today.
I am sorry for all the multitude of evil ones who have tried to defame you and disrespect your name, your life.
I am sorry that life is so cheap and yours has no value to those who killed you, trying to erase you ever existed.
I am sorry that the Legal system is weak, corrupt and I was not able to obtain justice for you. I failed to accomplish getting that Justice for you, please forgive me.
I am sorry for my failing as your father to keep you from dying.
I am sorry you did not leave the beach one second earlier or later to return home that day of June, 21, 2008.
I am sorry that I was not there to protect you.
I am sorry that I was not there that day to comfort you, hold you, ease your pain.
I am sorry that I don’t know the last thoughts in your mind before you died.
I am sorry that you died alone, with strangers, and no one even had the courage, kindness to hold your hand.
I am sorry that you died lying on a hot highway pavement, in a place unfamiliar, in the middle of nowhere.
I am sorry that no one had the decency to cover your right arm and both feet, as you lay dead under the blue tarp.
I am sorry the Medvac trauma helicopter was delayed in arriving there by 4 minutes, too late to stop the killer first responders from touching you.
I am sorry that I was not even able to protect your dignity in death.
I am sorry you cannot cry.
I am sorry you cannot scream.
I am sorry you cannot laugh.
I am sorry you cannot smile.
I am sorry you cannot feel.
I am sorry you cannot talk.
I am sorry you cannot breathe.
I am sorry you are silent forever.
I am sorry that the world said nothing, heard nothing, says nothing about the injustices done to you.
I am sorry that it was you and not me.
I am sorry that I had to bury you and that you didn’t bury me first, as it should be.
I am sorry for everything that I forgot to say now, or cannot, and did not say here.
I am sorry for YOU because you are not here, you are NO MORE on this earth.
I am sorry that you cannot rest in peace.
More than anything, I am sorry that you didn’t have a chance to say goodbye to those you loved.
Your family will always honor you, remember you, miss you, keep you in our heart, preserve your memory in lovingly telling future generations about you, and love you forever.
We all miss you so very much.
I mourn what was, what could of been, and what will never be.
You deserved so much better my son, it just wasn’t meant to be.
Your brother, sister, mother, family, and others who love you, will do the same. We will never forget YOU, never stop loving you, our precious beloved Steven. NEVER.
Steven, I can only say, I am SORRY, SORRY, I am so SORRY.
My heart is broken, my Steven is gone, and we will mourn forever.
Hebrew -Amen. Love, Dad.
June 21, 2022 at 6:53 pm
I will never forget. I will never relax on long car rides, or ever trust the sounds of sirens to mean that help is on its way. I wish people would just look around and recognize that we are all responsible for each other, and with that maybe we could all be a little bit more careful. I hate to have to say I’m sorry, because that just isn’t good enough. My heart still hurts for you and your family, and it always will. Jerry, I have something that I would like to share with you to show you how I have chosen to honor Steven. If you could email me directly I will be able to send you a picture.
Thinking of Steven, remembering him now and always! ~ Paige
June 21, 2022 at 7:19 pm
Hi Paige: Thank you for keeping Steven in your heart and feelings. You were one of the last people who saw him. More importantly, you cared and care about Steven as a human being in a compassionate, kind , personal way. I don’t have your email address-Jerry
June 22, 2022 at 5:36 pm
Paige-I received the pictures. It is a truly personal tribute from you in honor of Steven’s memory. Thank You for remembering Steven.Jerry
September 23, 2022 at 1:15 am
ANOTHER BIRTHDAY
My older son Steven Nathaniel Wolkoff would have been 45 years old today.
What can a parent say on the birthday of their dead child?
A living child asks for a birthday party.
As they become older, you, as the parent, ask them what they want for their birthday. There’s dialogue.
It’s tradition to remember your child’s birthday, to not do so ignores that they lived.
But what exactly is a parent supposed to do on the birthday of their child when he is gone?
Not gone, as in out of town or at the beach, or out of the country. Gone as in, no longer alive.
A dead child doesn’t want.
A dead son asks for nothing.
What does a mom or dad do?
Where’s the rule book for recognizing birthdays of a dead child?
Steven was born on the first day of Fall and died on the first day of Summer.
There is something odd to me about the the significance of the equinox and solstice in his life and its parallel meaning to the Earth.
If the autumnal equinox represents balance, then the summer solstice was most certainly the day we felt our world come to a deafening halt on the longest day of the year.
Steven lies dead in a grave because of the negligence and indifference of those who killed him, stole his life at the age of 30, and have tried to erase that he ever lived.
As each year passes by since our beloved Steven was killed, it becomes even more painful, more difficult to cope with the enormous loss we will forever feel in our souls, hearts, and our lives. Time does not heal the open wounds of our tragedy of losing our Son, our brother, Steven Nathaniel Wolkoff. We miss him so very much and our memories will live on in never forgetting his life, his name, and his loss. We weep for what could have been and the love that we all shared together. We cherish the precious time that you were with us and and will mourn your death forever, now and in future generations. You are so loved and missed by all of us.
We mourn what was, what could of been, and what will never be.
You deserved so much better my son, it just wasn’t meant to be.
Love, Dad
December 21, 2022 at 1:51 pm
Hey Steve, the Flash community remembered you today. You are truly missed.
https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/fcs-rtmp-streaming-technologies-from-future-fabio-sonnati
June 21, 2023 at 10:38 am
SEPTEMBER 23, 1977- JUNE 21, 2008
BELOVED SON, BROTHER,GRANDSON,
NEPHEW, COUSIN, CHERISHED LOVE
GOOD FRIEND
GENTLY THEY GO,
THE BEAUTIFUL,
THE TENDER, THE KIND
FOREVER IN OUR HEARTS
WEDNESDAY, June 21, 2023
Today is the anniversary of the 15th year of an eternity in agony, marking the horrific day, June 21, 2008, that my oldest child, Steven Nathaniel Wolkoff, was cruelly killed at the age of 30, his life brutally stolen from him, family, friends, me.
I dread the coming of this day every year.
Steven died on the first day of Summer, it was 5 PM on a Saturday afternoon, exactly 15 years ago.
It seems so much longer than 15 years have gone by since we lost him.
I still feel that it cannot be true, somehow suddenly he will appear, call me on the phone, or send me an email. That feeling never leaves, it is always there, I will wake up from this nightmare, and Steven will be here, alive.
There are mornings that I wake up believing for a few seconds that Steven is alive and it was just a horrible nightmare that he is dead. Then the reality strikes me full force in the face and gut, that he is dead forever, how can that be?
Oh how he loved the summer months and life itself. He was looking forward to it all, never realizing that his life would end that day in 2008.
I posted the other pictures above of Steven because they are some of my favorite ones, and also he is so real, alive in them, and for a second, he seems to actually be here.
Today, on this 15th anniversary of Steven’s tragic death, if you can, please take a moment now to remember who Steven was and how deeply he is missed by each of us.
The last time I spoke to Steven, was on the phone,Tuesday evening, June 17 , 2008.
I didn’t know that moment was going to be our last.
The last time I would talk to you, and hear your beautiful voice.
The last time I would tell you that I loved you, and hear you say “I love you too dad”. Strong and so real, so vibrant and alive.
A smiling face, with twinkling eyes, your special smile, my fine young man, my oldest child.
The shattered remnant of my heart with holes so black and fathomless no light can ever fill. I am and will be in shock forever.
Time has passed before me, so bleak and dark and long, the wind that whispers through the trees, the brightest star at night, the rain on a dismal day, my endless dreams, nightmares, the constant thoughts, hearing the door bell ringing, seeing the 2 Nassau County Policeman at my door at 4 AM asking me politely if they could come inside, no eye contact from them.
I knew and asked them “which one of my children”, their response “do you have a son Steven living in San Francisco, he was killed in a car collision”.
That moment is frozen in my mind, repeating itself endlessly almost every waking and sleeping moment of my life.
The tragic death of Steven was caused by stupid, senseless acts. Every day, each night, my mind is focused on the highway at the collision, looking at the photos of Steven’s face while he is alive on a stretcher placed on the highway and then later, he is dead, covered by a tarp on that same highway.
The collision seems less a random act, and more determined, by a series of factors, not so benign, each one a contributing cause of my son’s death.
Steven was killed not by accident, but by horribly connected actions, and inaction’s, of many others, each building on the impact of the other. Steven’s death began when distinct acts of design and error grew to become the chaos of negligence.
Steven was killed by the lack of highway signage, a secret California State cover up of a structurally flawed highway design known as a “death trap”, whose design errors were deliberately never corrected,violating the written safety codes of the same government department responsible for building the highway, and the carelessness of a local community program, having a gathering, unaware that their visitors, were parking, turning, merging, clogging this already too narrow stretch of road that had no separate turning lanes.
Steven was killed by a 21 year old drug impaired driver, who did not even have a driver’s license, an illegal alien. His danger to others not in his thoughts, but mostly I think he just didn’t care about the effects of his irresponsible actions on Steven.
Steven was killed by an army of first responders, Paramedics, Emergency Medical Technicians, Police, Firefighters, and Park Rangers, etc., busy littering the highway with equipment, while they tried to look busy and important.
Steven courageously lived for about an hour after the collision while multiple systems of rescue professionals failed to get him to the hospital, and were unable to properly provide a minimum standard of the medical skills that they were trained to perform.
The first responders panicked, although Steven was breathing on his own, they performed an unnecessary medical procedure that they had never before done in their life. It is called a Needle Cricothyroidotomy which they failed to do properly and in doing this they missed his airway, suffocating him, vital oxygen crushing against his heart, lungs and diaphragm, taking his breath away, and horrifically killing him.
The responder’s mission, to keep Steven medically stabilized for triage care at the Hospital, failed, lost in a few hundred square feet of disorder, with no one in charge, no one leading, standing, telling, helping, shouting, or recognizing the obvious signs of their medical errors.
My son Steven was killed by carelessness, thoughtlessness, and negligence on the part of multiple entities and individuals.
A gifted, talented, precious, irreplaceable, meaningful life was stolen from all of us who loved him deeply, because of the actions of so many who, each in their own way, miserably failed to help Steven, all destroying Steven’s life.
I cannot believe that my son Steven lies buried in a grave so young, me dreaming of things that he was and might have been.
I am not religious, nor do I believe in god, so the traditional Mourners Kaddish prayer for Steven are meaningless words to me.
I have written my own Mourners Kaddish as a way to honor Steven, and I post it every year at this time.
It is my way of expressing that Steven left behind a legacy of goodness, and worthy descendants, those who loved him, who will always remember that he lived.
These sentences speak directly to Steven, because his pain and loss need to be honestly described in real words that accurately reflect my true feelings.
STEVEN NATHANIEL WOLKOFF’S MOURNERS KADDISH
Steven Nathaniel Wolkoff, Shmuel Nacham Ben Yaakov, (Samuel Nathan, Son of Jerry).
September 23, 1977- June 21, 2008
I am sorry that you are dead.
I am sorry you suffered so painfully, on that awful day, as you fought to stay alive.
I am sorry for the agony you felt, I see it in your eyes, face, and body from the horrific evidence photos. I see and feel it in my endless nightmares.
I am sorry for the fear, terror, unimaginable pain you felt in fighting for your life, as they killed you. I know the truth of your courage in being able to fight so bravely to stay alive.
I am sorry for you because you were not killed by accident, but instead by the senseless, stupid, careless, actions of so many others who could have saved your life, but instead, each in their own way, miserably failed you that day, never realizing or even considering taking responsibility, or accountability for the consequences of their actions, inaction’s, indifference, and incompetence.
I am sorry you died not due to fate, nor randomly, but were instead killed by the cascading chaos of connected, dysfunctional, defective entities and others, all who caused your preventable death.
I am sorry that you died because the State of California did not care about your life and decided not to fix a dangerously unsafe road, instead they deliberately hid the structural defects in the highway that made it into a death trap.
I am sorry that you died because of the 21 year old drug impaired driver speeding out of control into your car. His danger to you not in his thoughts, but mostly I think he just didn’t care about the effects of his irresponsible actions.
I am sorry about the inept, licensed, qualified, medical first responders who had no idea, not a clue, of what they were doing medically to you as they killed you. They have no consciences and lied afterward to hide how they murdered you in cold blood.
I am sorry for you, that so many corrupt, ugly cowards of evil, who have evidence of the truth, but have no conscience to speak up, remain silent, lie, omit, refuse to come forward to admit their responsibility in covering up the true facts that all contributed to killing you.
I am sorry for those whose toxic evil allowed all of the above to be done to you and escaped from being held accountable for participating in your death.
I am sorry that your soul and body were desecrated in death.
I am sorry for the wicked hideous ones who desecrated your body in death and refuse to take accountability for their violation of your body, your soul.
I am sorry that it has took us five years to finally successfully legally force the spiteful, hateful,evil San Mateo County Coroner to release your final remains for proper burial.
I am sorry that you died in spite of the true medical facts that show you should be alive today.
I am sorry for all the multitude of evil ones who have tried to defame you and disrespect your name, your life.
I am sorry that life is so cheap and yours has no value to those who killed you, trying to erase you ever existed.
I am sorry that the Legal system is weak, corrupt and I was not able to obtain justice for you. I failed to accomplish getting that Justice for you, please forgive me.
I am sorry for my failing as your father to keep you from dying.
I am sorry you did not leave the beach one second earlier or later to return home that day of June, 21, 2008.
I am sorry that I was not there to protect you.
I am sorry that I was not there that day to comfort you, hold you, ease your pain.
I am sorry that I don’t know the last thoughts in your mind before you died.
I am sorry that you died alone, with strangers, and no one even had the courage, kindness to hold your hand.
I am sorry that you died lying on a hot highway pavement, in a place unfamiliar, in the middle of nowhere.
I am sorry that no one had the decency to cover your right arm and both feet, as you lay dead under the blue tarp.
I am sorry the Medvac trauma helicopter was delayed in arriving there by 4 minutes, too late to stop the killer first responders from touching you.
I am sorry that I was not even able to protect your dignity in death.
I am sorry you cannot cry.
I am sorry you cannot scream.
I am sorry you cannot laugh.
I am sorry you cannot smile.
I am sorry you cannot feel.
I am sorry you cannot talk.
I am sorry you cannot breathe.
I am sorry you are silent forever.
I am sorry that the world said nothing, heard nothing, says nothing about the injustices done to you.
I am sorry that it was you and not me.
I am sorry that I had to bury you and that you didn’t bury me first, as it should be.
I am sorry for everything that I forgot to say now, or cannot, and did not say here.
I am sorry for YOU because you are not here, you are NO MORE on this earth.
I am sorry that you cannot rest in peace.
More than anything, I am sorry that you didn’t have a chance to say goodbye to those you loved.
Your family will always honor you, remember you, miss you, keep you in our heart, preserve your memory in lovingly telling future generations about you, and love you forever.
We all miss you so very much.
I mourn what was, what could of been, and what will never be.
You deserved so much better my son, it just wasn’t meant to be.
Your brother, sister, mother, family, and others who love you, will do the same. We will never forget YOU, never stop loving you, our precious beloved Steven. NEVER.
Steven, I can only say, I am SORRY, SORRY, I am so SORRY.
My heart is broken, my Steven is gone, and we will mourn forever.
Hebrew -Amen. Love, Dad.
June 25, 2023 at 10:35 pm
My heart hurts for you and your family. For Cindy, and for everyone who knew and loved Steven. I am so sorry for your loss. I will forever be so sorry that there wasn’t something more that I could have done. That accident is forever etched inside of me, and I will never forget your son, or the faces of the men that didn’t save his life. I will forever carry a distrust for first responders, and a lack of faith in the system in its entirety. It’s unacceptable, and I’m sorry it failed you. Failed your son. Failed everyone at that scene that day. Where’s the accountability, the morals, the humanity!?! I don’t think the anger will ever leave me. Rest In Peace Steven. May the memories you shared with so many, bring a smile to their faces on this day.
September 9, 2023 at 9:05 pm
Steve was in my homeroom in HS and one of the smartest and nicest people I have ever met. His smile is something I will never forget. I actually created an account on FB in 2008 to reconnect with Steve because I had always regretted we never stayed in touch after HS. I and was absolutely heartbroken when I heard the news and all these years later, I still can not believe it. Steve, you have no clue how many lives you touched. You will not be forgotten and I am so sorry you were taken too soon.
May 10, 2024 at 4:20 pm
Thank you for your kind words about Steven. He is forever missed by all of us. Stevens life was taken much too soon and we will always mourn our loss of him.Jerry Wolkoff,
September 23, 2023 at 1:46 pm
ANOTHER BIRTHDAY
My older son Steven Nathaniel Wolkoff would have been 46 years old today.
What can a parent say on the birthday of their dead child?
A living child asks for a birthday party.
As they become older, you, as the parent, ask them what they want for their birthday. There’s dialogue.
It’s tradition to remember your child’s birthday, to not do so ignores that they lived.
But what exactly is a parent supposed to do on the birthday of their child when he is gone?
Not gone, as in out of town or at the beach, or out of the country. Gone as in, no longer alive.
A dead child doesn’t want.
A dead son asks for nothing.
What does a mom or dad do?
Where’s the rule book for recognizing birthdays of a dead child?
Steven was born on the first day of Fall and died on the first day of Summer.
There is something odd to me about the the significance of the equinox and solstice in his life and its parallel meaning to the Earth.
If the autumnal equinox represents balance, then the summer solstice was most certainly the day we felt our world come to a deafening halt on the longest day of the year.
Steven lies dead in a grave because of the negligence and indifference of those who killed him, stole his life at the age of 30, and have tried to erase that he ever lived.
As each year passes by since our beloved Steven was killed, it becomes even more painful, more difficult to cope with the enormous loss we will forever feel in our souls, hearts, and our lives. Time does not heal the open wounds of our tragedy of losing our Son, our brother, Steven Nathaniel Wolkoff. We miss him so very much and our memories will live on in never forgetting his life, his name, and his loss. We weep for what could have been and the love that we all shared together. We cherish the precious time that you were with us and and will mourn your death forever, now and in future generations. You are so loved and missed by all of us.
We mourn what was, what could of been, and what will never be.
You deserved so much better my son, it just wasn’t meant to be.
Love, Dad